Well, I don't know what I can add to all the superlatives from earlier posters! Good, solid direction, excellent acting, a superlative script; the scene where Catherine retrieves the discarded knickknacks of her late charge from the trash was a wonderful bit of foreshadowing.But, at the risk of being called a spoilsport, I have to point out the unmistakable inspiration that writer Ehren Kruger drew on( if only second-hand) from the short story "The Late Mr. Elvesham" by H. G. Wells. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. These days it's almost impossible to know where screenwriters got their inspiration,(firsthand, anyway). Besides, to quote the screenwriter William Goldman from his book, "Adventures in the Screen Trade", "If you're going to steal, steal from the best". Besides, I don't think Mr. Wells would have minded...
Reviews
32 Reviews
Perry Mason
(1957–1966)
You know the face...but, who-?
30 March 2011
I never saw this series until I was a small kid, with the later seasons, early 60's. Now I'm glad that my local station is re-running it in its' entirety. Not only for the great writing, direction, photography, but also for the constant parade of old pros as guest stars! One of my favorite B-movie "bad girls", Marie Windsor,(The Narrow Margin) appears four times in the series; but will she be a victim, client, or killer? When I was a kid I was about the only person I knew that knew who Dabbs Greer(House of Wax) was, or cared! For some reason I loved knowing who such-and-such was, and where they had previously appeared. A friend of mine has the same trivia affliction as I do, so I started taping "Perry Mason" for our mutual entertainment! If there's nothing exciting on TV, we'll sit down for a Perry Mason episode block, have some pizza and beer, and go: "hey! there's Ted De Corsia!"(The Killing) And, "Isn't that Walter Burke?"(All the king's men), "Elisha Cook Jr.!(Also, "The Killing")" or, "Malcolm Atterbury!"(North by northwest) "Arthur Franz!"(The Sniper),Osa Massen!"(Rocketship XM), and there's George Macready!"(Gilda), Yep, I've got character actor trivia bad. How about you?
freeze-frame goof!
12 February 2011
Warning: Spoilers
I just have happened to recorded this episode a while ago. One gaffe caught my eye, and was confirmed via pause mode on my VCR. To wit: at the crime scene, the windshield of the victim's car is clearly smashed. Later, back at NC.I.S. HQ, while Abby is processing evidence from the car, the windshield is still smashed but also partially peeled away from the frame. Later when Tony and McGee sneak into the Police impound yard to download information from the car's computer, the windshield is miraculously unscathed.whoops! I wonder if the editor was asleep that day. Well, if you have too much time on your hands, like me, you can't help but notice these things.
The Quatermass Experiment
(2005 TV Movie)
A good attempt to recreate live SF
6 January 2008
I can honestly say I've been a "Quatermass" fan most of my life. Ever since I saw "Quatermass Xperiment" at age eight(shown in the U.S. as "The Creeping Unknown"), I've seen and enjoyed almost all available versions of the series. If I say that this version is the weakest of the bunch, that's no slam, not at all! The acting was first-rate, the adaption nearly so; the only flaw here is one that almost everyone on the site mentions--the production budget. If BBC 4 needs a benchmark of how little money they can get away with spending to make a good SF thriller, this is the breaker. Even a brief look at the metamorphosed Caroon in the museum would been better than what we were supposed to have seen over the television monitors(that was fiberglass insulation being shaken by off-camera grips, to portray the "alien fungi", right? In soft-focus? That was pretty sad). To quote the late, great Casey Stengel, "Eventually, you've got to sell some steak along with the sizzle!" I hope that when they re-make "Quatermass 2", they give it a *slightly* bigger budget. Hell, I know _I'd_ watch it.
House of the Black Death
(1971)
Jerry Warren crashes and burns again!
2 December 2007
This is one movie that probably would have been improved if Ed Wood had directed it instead! The whole thing plays out like a fever dream after you've eating a bad chicken salad. It's impossible to say if Jerry Warren "improved" on it or not; check out the ax job he did on "La Marca del Muerto", repackaging it as "Creature of the Walking Dead". The story of two brothers with Satanic powers dueling it out over the family fortune(and bragging rights over a kitschy-looking standing stone called the "Devil's Saddle") is barely coherent, the direction is barely coherent, the acting is barely coherent, and I was barely coherent after watching it. It was so bad it wasn't even funny--Warren seems to have that magic touch, doesn't he? The only good thing I can think about this turkey is that Bruno VeSota(a reliable Warren alumnus) didn't have to appear in it. Hmmm. Maybe if Warren had taken a cue from "Attack of the Giant Leeches"...but that's just me. BTW: I caught this on the old late-night schlock show, "Fright Night" hosted by "Sinister Seymour". When Seymour did a bumper between commercials, saying "...and we'll be right back with 'House of the Black Death'! Whaddya think of that, fringies?", they cut to John Carradine sitting up in bed and screaming in abject terror! I know how you felt, John, believe me, I do...
Moonfleet
(1955)
Flash! Movie better than book!
30 December 2006
This is one movie where I can honestly say that the adaptation to screen is better than the book. Not that it's great, mind you, just better. While watching Granger and Sanders in anything is entertaining, it seemed that screenwriter Jon Lustig wanted the character of John Mohune(John Trenchard in the novel) to be the focus(like, say, Jim Hawkins in "Treasure Island"), but couldn't quite figure out how to give him something useful to do without taking away from the top-billed stars. The finished film is more streamlined(and watchable) due to Lustig's and director Lang's desire for a tighter story. No way was a straight adaptation going to do *THAT* on screen! If Whitely's character, young John had acted as he does in the novel, and wrenching the story 90 degrees in a lesson on the "wages of ill-gotten gains", I probably would have thrown a brick at the t.v.(but then, that's just me). All in all, not one of Lang's(or Granger's, or Sander's, or Crain's) best, but worth a look. Especially, you've got to love Jack Elam's scene with the hats in the smuggler's grotto. THAT was funny...
You can get ANYTHING in the future--except common sense!
2 January 2006
It's been a long time since I viewed this SF comedy on "Seymour's Fright Night", but I still crack a smile when I remember Joseph the Custodian's return to Earth after 500+ years, and his almost total inability to live in a near-Utopian future without making a total ass of himself. In this surprisingly optimistic version of the twenty-fifth century, poor Joseph winds up being a walking advertisement for every materialist(cough, cough) impulse that lurks in every human being. With Joseph ordering one of practically everything(for free!) from the "World Citizen's Catalogue", one of his minders exclaims, "...why does ANYONE need so many THINGS?" A wry comment on crass materialism that wouldn't be out of place even today. Of course, Joseph still has to justify the State having to put a roof over his head, so with the help of "Adam", his alien companion from his last stopover, the "Blue Star", he proceeds to run a con game on his hosts by leading them to believe that his own brain is the equal of any supercomputer of their time. The complications ensuing were actually quite amusing, such as Adam's misinterpretations of Human Sexual Relations. I've searched SF conventions for a bootleg of this film, just so I can see it again after thirty-odd years...and I refuse to give up! If anyone knows where, PLEASE drop me a line...
Student Bodies
(1981)
First half is really a "Scream"!
17 June 2005
You betcha, I caught this one when it first came out. The opening scene with the babysitter and the *UNLOCKED DOOR* and the *REALLY MESSY* obscene phone call from "The Breather" set just the right tone--sort of like a "Carol Burnett Show" sketch uncensored! I was practically in the aisle laughing with the killer's choices of murder implements(beware the eggplant). It's really too bad, then, that the second half of the movie practically grinds to a halt. It really had me going there for awhile. Watch the first half and see how "Scary Movie" was REALLY inspired! By the way--Richard Brando as "The Breather"? My Aunt Fanny! Anyone can tell from his voice that it was really character actor Jack Weston. Uh, you know, Jack Weston? He played the fed riding Burt Reynolds in "Gator"? Also starred in "The Ritz"? "Wait Until Dark"? "The Incredible Mister Limpet"? Ahh, forget it. Kids these days...
Mesa of Lost Women
(1953)
Bad cheese, strictly for genre fanatics
14 May 2005
My friend and I just watched this howler on DVD--what a mess! This flick's premise of mad medical experiments on top of a mesa in the Mexican desert is promising enough, but the execution... Oh my god, where do I begin? The wooden acting, the leaden dialogue, the garage-class FX, and, last but not least, I MUST single out Hoyt Curtin for the most irritating film score ever heard(I think it was reused note for note in the Ed Wood clinker "Jail Bait"). In fact, the FIRST time I saw this was at a SF convention in the early '80's. After showing a 16mm print in the film room, they immediately followed it with "The Horror of Party Beach"--which was light-years ahead in quality, believe me! Even the John Ashley chiller "The Twilight People" was way better than this. If you have a yen for long, d-r-a-w-n o-u-t celluloid cheese, I doubt you could do much worse than this.
Saw
(2004)
A pleasant surprise for strong stomachs!
6 March 2005
Decided to catch "Saw" last Thanksgiving weekend. Paid for my ticket, got some popcorn, sat down and...oh...oh, my...OH-MY-GOD...BWAAHAHAHA-cough,cough,hack,snort(wheeeze)-THIS MOVIE TOTALLY %##&*%@% ROCKS! A truly demented, pleasing surprise for people(like me)who've practically despaired of seeing anything original on the big screen before it's sent off to the video purgatory!You think you've seen it all? This is Dario Argento multiplied! This is like the original version of "The Vanishing"--no reassurance of a happy ending here, kids! The creators managed in eighteen days--ah, let me repeat that--EIGHTEEN %##&*%@% DAYS--to film what Mainstream Hollywood doesn't have the stones to make on its' own(Want to bet they're already making carbon copies of the "Jigsaw Killer" for their own pallid big money projects?). Everybody involved acquits themselves quite nicely in the terrifying, gory proceedings. Even Elwes' uneven accent somehow adds to the verisimilitude, especially when you realize that he's under pressure to HACK OFF HIS OWN FOOT OR ELSE. I'd have an uneven accent, too, under those conditions! Check it out--you won't regret it!
The Human Monster
(1939)
Vintage creeps from a long-ago era
28 February 2005
I can't help it. I LIKE this film. Terribly subjective, I know, but... This film is an adaption of an Edgar Wallace novel, like his "The Green Archer", "The Four Just Men", and many, many others, almost all of which have a near-byzantine plot structure amidst the thrills and chills a la Sax Rohmer's "Fu Manchu" stories. They were written in a totally different day and age for a different audience. That a great many more were adapted for film in Europe should give you an idea of their popularity. Like many Wallace's tales, there are dark deeds abounding, naturally having to do with financial gain via insurance fraud and murder, with the Evil Ringleader sitting at the center of it all, dispatching his evil minions to do his bidding, while cloaked in a disguise of (almost) perfect respectability. If you think about it, the big difference, structurally, between this and other films like Humphrey Bogart's "The Enforcer" and Brando's "The Godfather" is that the audience already KNOWS who doing the killing. American audiences even today just don't buy a racketeer being totally anonymous even to the cops(However, if someone were to successfully adapt Forrest Evers' "Take-over" for the big screen, it might change a lot of people's minds).As for me, Don Vito Corleone's hit man, Luca Brasi, doesn't hold a candle to the terrifying henchman,Blind Jake...yes, I like this film. Seen in the proper spirit, it should creep you out, too!
The Strange and Deadly Occurrence
(1974 TV Movie)
Haunted House plot holds up nicely
18 November 2004
You bet, I remember this one. As a young lad back in the day, I really dug the cool story lines of these erstwhile "Movies of the Week". If the creepy teaser ad with the "headless dummy" didn't get you to tune in, nothing would! That, and the reliable Robert Stack in the offbeat role of the head of a family being menaced by the supernatural. Between the thumpings, howlings in the night, and the weird psychiatrist hanging around the neighborhood, my heart-rate was up there, for sure. The solution to the mystery may be a bit weak, but I loved the O. Henry-style final scene. What's really sad is that when I saw "Cold Creek Manor", which had an amazingly similar plot,a much bigger budget, bigger name-stars, bigger EVERYTHING--it still didn't hold a candle to "--Occurrence". If ever you find it in your local listings, watch and compare. Trust me. TRIVIA: I was surprised to see Sandor Stern in the writing credits! Very apropos, considering later he went on to adapt and direct "Pin", another suspense featuring a "menacing dummy"--one with an even NASTIER disposition.
Northern Pursuit
(1943)
Flynn kicks 'em in the Axis!
18 October 2004
Although not quite as gripping as "Desperate Journey", or as marvelously sprawling as "49th Parallel", this slick film is everything you could ask for in a WWII actioner--even more, with Errol Flynn teaming up with Raoul Walsh. The acting is good, and the direction is taut and entertaining, with writers Bessie and Gruber providing a suspenseful story line concerning a nazi spy(Dantine) captured in Canada by a Royal Mountie(Flynn), the spy's escape from prison camp, and Flynn's efforts to thwart Dantine's nefarious mission in the great white north(and a dastardly mission it is, too--those dirty Nazis!).
Adolph Deutsch scores a cleverly subtle soundtrack to raise the suspense quotient, as he did for "High Sierra" and "The Maltese Falcon". Just the "Kick 'em in the Axis" kind of movie to watch, if you've already seen and liked "Tartu" and "The Commandos Strike At Dawn".
Adolph Deutsch scores a cleverly subtle soundtrack to raise the suspense quotient, as he did for "High Sierra" and "The Maltese Falcon". Just the "Kick 'em in the Axis" kind of movie to watch, if you've already seen and liked "Tartu" and "The Commandos Strike At Dawn".
The Handler
(2003–2004)
Too gritty for prime-time?
10 August 2004
It never fails; as soon as I glom on to a prime-time diversion with a scintilla of character and originality, it gets nixed by the powers-that-be. "Big Apple", "Lucky", "Vengeance Unlimited", "The Agency"; and now, "The Handler". A perfect showcase for Joe Pantoliano's acting chops falls to the headsman's axe because it's a touch too gritty, with a plot that DEMANDS you pay attention with more than one's usual reptile-brain awareness. This whole situation reminds me of the comment that the Zucker brothers(creators of the "Airplane!" spoofs) made about why their series "Police Squad" was cancelled: "The executives complained that the viewers would have to pay attention to enjoy it." Trust me: if the star of the way-above-average "Joan of Arcadia" wasn't so hot-looking, Friday nights would be nothing but more reality shows. I guess I can count my blessings and be thankful--right?
Yanco
(1961)
An artistic marvel from Mexico
21 July 2004
I've been waiting for a long time for this movie to be listed here. Caught it around 11 p.m. a LONG time ago on channel 9, KHJ-TV in Los Angeles, before it became KCAL(talk about dating yourself). I only saw it the one time, but, darnit, this should be seen by anyone who considers going into directing. The story of a young boy growing up in a contemporary Mexican village, who has an almost disabling sensitivity to any loud noise, who desperately seeks some outlet--any outlet--for his budding musical talent and finds it with help from an old man who lives on the outskirts of town and plays a haunting violin...well, they don't make them like that here, nowadays. The film's beguiling story line, the sedate, almost ethereal pace, together with an almost complete lack of spoken dialogue is a standing challenge for any budding filmmaker up here in El Norte to match what he did. If you see it in you local listings, PLEASE set your VCR. You'll be glad you did.
Time Bandits
(1981)
A magical journey you don't ever want to end
29 June 2003
I was lucky enough to see this piece of celluloid magic on the big screen when it first came out. I'm glad I did, too, because the shoe-box multiplexes that were being slapped together couldn't do this movie justice. Terry Gilliam hits just the right note when he introduces Kevin, a ten-year old with big appetite for western mythology(you get the impression that in another year, he'll be reading Joseph Campbell and Rider Haggard)and an even bigger imagination. Having parents of the most sterile, materialistic bent(plastic couch covers--ecch)just ensure his receptiveness to the adventures that follow his falling through the time-door in the back of his closet with Randall and his fellow dwarves as they plunder and loot their way through time and history. Gilliam pokes fun at some of history's figures, like Napoleon("That's what I like to see--little things hitting each other!"), Robin Hood("was it really necessary to hit him?""Yes boss.""Ah, I see."),and others. Gilliams' lesson that having lots of stuff will not ensure happiness and that usually, the journey itself is reward enough is artfully told without flogging the audience with it. Something else that stuck with me, but I didn't realize until long afterwards, were the things that Kevin discovered, after a fashion, in his adventures but didn't have in his life back in the 'burbs: a real father figure, played by Sean Connery as Agamemnon, and true love, as presented by Peter Vaughan and Katherine Helmond as Mr. and Mrs. Ogre. Plus the special effects are economically impressive without being too cheesy(my god--the fortress of ultimate darkness WAS made of lego blocks!). In the end, though, it was something that I find far, far too rarely in movies now and before, and it occured to me after I had seen, of all things, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon". What Ang Lee's film had in common with Gilliam is simply this: they both had the feel of a great big story that you came in the middle of, and you didn't want ever to end, but it didn't matter, because the structure was such that you had enough to digest for now. And I can count on less than two hands the movies where I was left with THAT wonderful feeling.
Big Boss says..."MUUUY BUEEENO!"
16 May 2003
This was my first Blue Demon flick. I've seen better...but not many! This really wasn't a bad movie, as lucha flicks go. You've got the fearless enmascadero fighting the snappy-suited minions of evil, inside the ring and out, climbing buildings and spying on the bad guys with 007-syle gadgets, chasing 'em down with his custom motorcycle, fighting an evil phony(!) Blue Demon in the ring to beat a murder frame-up, a final showdown with the black-hatted, rubber-gloved, "big boss", and finding the time to remember to be a perfect gentleman with the ladies. Notable for having the police inspector actually portrayed with a BRAIN for a change! My only questions were: what was the big boss carving on his hobby table? Why did the view outside his penthouse look like a set of "The Honeymooners"? And just how does a masked wrestler on a motorcycle shadow a car on the freeway without getting noticed? Ah, well...just sit back witha cerveza and chips and enjoy. Like the big boss says..."MUUUUY BUEEEEEENO!"
Los vampiros de Coyoacán
(1974)
Even vampire dwarves can't save this movie
6 April 2003
Hooo Boy! I'm as big a fan of lucha flix as the next gringo, but, yikes! This one really tests your patience! At first glance, this one seems to have it all: great wrestling costumes, vampires, cool convertible muscle cars, gorgeous babes, befuddled police, etc. However, as it unfolds, you start to notice...where's the action? Between watching Mil Mascaras and his partner Superzan just stand around trying to figure out the vampire murders, and watching the titular heroine run around acting scared, I was REALLY hard put not to fast forward this thing. Even the ring action is just barely perfunctory(I refuse to believe that Mascaras couldn't be given something more to do). The dead givaway is when the token, non-wrestling male love interest (a doctor, presumably, dressed in the latest fashion straight from Miller's Outpost)is actually given more action scenes than the wrestlers! Unforgivable! The ONLY reason to watch this snoozer is the scene in the vampire's manor, where Mascaras and Superzan wrestle a mob of--I kid you not--vampire dwarves! WOW! These little guys can really rassle! Just the memory of our heroes bouncing these freaky little knee-biters off the red velvet-lined walls, like so many bloodsucking nerf-balls makes me crack up even as I type this. Otherwise, I haven't been so bored with a lucha flick since "Santo and The Tigress". Take my advice give this one a qualified pass. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to go watch my tape of Santo in "Invasion of The Martians" for the forty-third time...
Braceface
(2001–2006)
So, what do you want; "Catcher In The Rye"?
28 January 2003
Come on, settle down...what's the problem? I haven't seen this allergic a reaction to a kids' series since "Scrappy Doo" debuted! So, Sharon Spitz is a tad self-absorbed in her own problems; so? What adolescent ISN'T self-absorbed to some degree? I think what Flaming Pig and co. forget is that just about all fictional young teens, from Holden Caulfield to our hero in "A Christmas Story"; from Luann DeGroot to Veronica Ganz ( a six-foot tall thirteen-year-old: try THAT on for size), from the young narrator in "April Morning" to the ever-so-sensitive Daria Morgendorffer, young teens are always going to impress their worldview with their own not-so original growing pains. The only time that youth grows up quickly is through forced change, such as "April Morning", or Barbara Tuchman's "A Distant Mirror". Should Sharon Spitz emulate Claire Danes' character in the darkly comic, all-too-brief show "My So-Called Life"? Hey, how about letting Sharon and her pals emulate the sociopathic little no-neck amateur vivisectionists of Yukio Mishima's "The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With The Sea"? Or even better: let's dispense with the intellectual approach and let Sharon and Maria shoot up the school a la Columbine? Okay, okay, maybe I'm reading too much into this. It couldn't be that it's too...Canadian? Naah, Flaming P. is a Canuck, so that can't be it. Because it's from Nelvana? I HAVE observed, many times, a negative reaction to any thing "Nelvana" among certain people. Or maybe it's the not-so-subtle "Afterschool Special" feel of many episodes. But, is this realy a bad thing? It's a show about teens, so why not teen problems?Besides, the title is, after all, "Braceface"! What happens once the braces come off for good? Think about it...
Jeepers Creepers
(2001)
Creepy first half, flat second half
24 December 2002
Warning: Spoilers
First, the good: Victor Salva has to be given credit for coming up with one the best one-two set-up intro punches to the viewer's gut ever delivered in a horror film in recent years. The opening with the brother and sister trading good-natured insults while rolling down a typically bucolic wide-open stretch of U.S. interstate, calling up echoes of the cropdusting scene in "North By Northwest" and lulling you into thinking "okay, he's gonna start ripping off classic flicks to pad out his own, big deal"...bridging to the scene under the abandoned church where the brother's eyes slowly adjust to the darkness, revealing a scene straight out of Gustav Dore'...sweet jeezus, you just KNOW this ain't gonna be a Sean Cunningham hayride, kids! And then continuing with the brother's pleading with the local deputies("for god's sake, why won't you believe me?"), the camera's passing note of the brother's tattoo of a black rose near his navel and its' final grisly meaning punctuated at the end...and never mind the monster's near indestuctability; even Freddy Krueger, Jason, or even Leatherface never did the things that gargoyle-boy does to his victims with the kind of sick, EVIL humor that he perpetrates(and before? The "missing persons" posters on the sheriff's bulletin board is another subtle, but brilliant, shot). And now, the bad(WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILER!)...if our interstate killer with scales and stylish mortician's duds has been doing this for so long--more than 20 years--why hasn't SOMEBODY noticed by now? Even given that the killer is more bullet-resistant than a Paul Blaisdell creation(if you don't know who he is, shame on you!)it's hard to believe that one the cops couldn't figure out a way to at least keep him from flying out of Dodge, so to speak! Which leaves me awfully ambivalent about this movie. It starts off the first half with the sort of two-fisted lyrical horror right out of a novel by Joe Lansdale, or Ray Garton, something I never expected to see in a MOVIE, for pete's sake(and don't bring up Clive Barker; so far NOBODY--not even Barker himself--has been able to bring the right frisson of gore and visceral believability of his stories, although "Lord of Illusions" came close)! And then, in the second half, it goes off the rails into "oh, come on, this is getting ridiculous". And so on, to that final horrifying shot, and thinking two things: "Oh my god , that's what he was going after!", and "Okay, NOW what? Is there going to be a sequel, so they can clear up what they should have explained in the first movie?" Being ambiguous about your monster's origin NEVER plays well, especially if you've already shown it. Just ask the guys who made turkeys like "The Dark", or "Monster a Go-Go", or "Wheels of Terror", or...well you get the idea. I hope. Rent this movie just for the first half, to see how it should be done, and try not to pay too much attention to the second half.
X the Unknown
(1956)
Hard SF classic creepy from start to finish
24 December 2002
Back in the days when "Prince Valiant" still covered most of a page in the Sunday funnies, I first saw this wonderfully creepy SF sleeper. From the opening scenes of a stretch of the Scottish moors opening up under a British soldier's feet, I was hooked. I was very lucky that my parents didn't send me to bed then(although they did right in the middle of "From Hell It Came", but that's another story); I was resolved to catch it again just to get that creepy feeling! The ominous P.O.V. shots of the "X" monster shambling through the barren woods at night, the outrageous "melting" death by hard radiation of the medical tech in the X-ray room, Dean Jagger as Dr. Royston, describing his new invention that can (theoretically) speed up decay of radioactive materials without causing flare-ups(!) simply by leeching away its' energy, and the film's creepy, near-ambiguous ending ("We did destroy it...didn't we?") showed just what you could--and can!--still do with a small budget and respect for the material.
Starcrash
(1978)
Hot babes, awful script, lowball FX = great cheese!
11 December 2002
When "Star Crash" appeared in the U.S., my local newspaper's film critic noted: "...You have to be suspicious of a movie that literally sneaks into town...". That remark left me curious, but not curious enough; after just one week "Star Crash" had left town as quietly as it had come in. Why would any movie get so little push from its' distributor, I wondered? Could it really be that bad? It took me years to find out. Some dozen or so years later, a friend of mine told me he had a copy...well, I couldn't pass this up. After seeing it, I decided that the critics were right--and wrong. Such a hoot! Caroline Munro definitely set the mood in her almost-not-there "space-kini" and high-heeled boots, with Marjoe Gortner pulling backup as 2nd banana. Cheesy special FX, a painfully earnest performance by Christopher Plummer (you can practically see him wondering if his paycheck will clear the bank when he's finished), and a surprisingly good score ( hey, it's John Barry, what did you expect?)make this a pleasant surprise, as long as you're not expecting anything on par with E.E. "Doc" Smith, etc. A small note: I got to meet Ms. Munro at an SF convention back in '82, and I totally agree with Harlan Ellison...she was so gorgeous in person that "they had to ugly her down, so that the cameras wouldn't melt during filming!"....Though I forgot to ask her if it was true that only copy of the shooting script had been stolen by members of Italy's Red Brigade terrorists and held for ransom! Ah, rumors...anyway, try and catch it for free and you won't feel cheated.
Equinox
(1970)
A budding director's FX-fest, for fans only
1 November 2002
First, a confession: I just finished writing a review of "Touch of Satan", and I had to find a bit of weirdness I could remember fondly and on a positive note. Then, I remembered "Equinox". I'm not sure what I can add to all the preceding opinions, except that they're right, this is not meant to be taken seriously! If you and your friends ever picked up a Super 8mm movie camera when you were in junior high school and made your own cheapo, FX-laden monster flick you know exactly what I"m taking about. This was a student effort by a group of very enthusiastic FX freaks who got that enthusiasm across to the screen. It's the kind of movie that we used to see late at night, before the days of infomercials, when used car dealers like Cal Worthington paid all the bills so we could revel in great schlock like this. By the way, I actually got to meet the fantasy wordsmith himself, Fritz Leiber, about a year before he died. I wanted to ask him about his experience on the shoot playing the mad professor(he actually sounded amazingly like the actor Joseph Cotten; they dubbed in a different voice for some reason), but I wasn't sure how he'd take it. So I settled for getting his autograph. My copy of "The Mystery of The Japanese Watch" still sits on my shelf...as should Dennis Muren's "Equinox", if and when it ever comes out on DVD.
The Touch of Satan
(1971)
germ of good idea; "Touch" of bad all over it
1 November 2002
A long time ago, I was arguing with a friend over the relative merits of the stinker movie we had just seen(I don't remember what it was so please don't ask). I said that there were no bad plots, only bad finished films. For instance, Larry Cohen's "Q"; if only Cohen had been able to match the rest of his film with Michael Moriarty's genuinely loopy, strangely affecting performance, he might have gotten a good movie instead of an independently produced tax write-off. Compare it with the Japanese anime, "Dragon Century": when you have cartoon characters, do a cartoon film. And then you have films like "Touch of Satan". Like almost everyone here, I caught it on MST3K, and had a good laugh at Laughlin and company's expense. But then...I got the strangest feeling: where had I seen this story before? "Horror Hotel", with Christopher Lee? Not exactly, although that was a good example of a good idea done well for film. "Crowhaven Farm", with Hope Lange? No; close, though..."Black Noon", with Roy Thinnes and Ray Milland? No..."Manos, Hands of Fate"? Nope, let's not even go there...Then it hit me--I recalled a short story published in The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction around 1983 or '84, titled "Lord of the Dance"(the author's name escapes me at the moment, damnit). Basically, a small group of people make a pact with the Lord of Darkness (although here it's set in a small village in modern-day England) to stay perpetually young. What I realized was not that Laughlin ripped off his idea from others--I don't think he did--but that, years afterward, the basic idea was still scary and workable WHEN DONE RIGHT. Which Laughlin and company failed to do this time around. Too bad, it could have been great...oh well, at least we still have a good stinker we can laugh at, along with "Horror of Party Beach" and "Giant Spider Invasion"...
The Ring
(2002)
A better-than-expected adaptation
28 October 2002
I'll leave the symbolic analyses of this film to more lettered critics of cinema, and get to the meat of the matter: this film, for all its' Hollywoodized flaws is still miles ahead of anything else in the pack so far this year. Director Verbinski had the wit to adapt as much as he could from the original Japanese version, "Ringu", thereby letting the sheer momentum of the story's corner-of-your-eye horrors herd the viewer into an inescapable nightmare. It accomplishes the neat trick of (mostly) sidestepping all of our "here-it-comes" expectations and coming out of left field to deliver something even more horrible. It reminded me of Stephen King's comment twenty years ago, when he said that he thinks books are better at conveying horror than movies because with books you can get the audience alone, one at a time. "The Ring" came closer for me than most other American films(exceptions being the 1963 version of "The Haunting" and "Wait Until Dark") at doing just that. When I saw it recently in a packed theater, the audience laughed nervously every time the expected scare made them jump; about two-thirds of the way in, nobody was laughing, and we were all pulling for Naomi Watts' heroine to solve this horrifying riddle of the fatal video tape and save herself and her loved ones. It really conjured up a modern-day horror to address modern alienation, and its attendant ills. By the way, in addressing another reviewer's canard on this site: yes, Verbinski's insistance on using overly loud "whooomph!" sound effects was fairly annoying, but that failed to kill the mood this film conjured up for me and millions of others. If you want a REALLY annoying example of intrusive music and "BOOGA-BOOGA!" foley effects, catch "Ghost Story". I saw that turkey when it came out in '81, and it was all I could do not to throw my large-size Coke Classic at the screen. A small editorial note: any and all critics who didn't find this film even a little spooky obviously suffer the "auteur disease": if it's made in America,it's automatically crap; if it's made in France, they'll kiss it's ass no matter how bad it is. Selah.
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