valis666's Reviews

Hittin' the Trail for Hallelujah Land (1931)

7/10

8 April 2024

This very early Warner Bros. Short has two claims to fame -- it's on the "Censored 11" list of cartoons United Artists ceased distribution of in 1968 because of their crude racial depictions, and it borrows scenes from two far more well-known cartoons -- the famous "Steamboat Willie" (1st Mickey Mouse) and the horror classic "Skeleton Dance," both from 1920s Disney.

And while this toon is mildly enjoyable but rather nondescript, the music is incredible. And, as far as I can tell, made especially for this cartoon. I need to do more research into this because this seems hard to believe, but I can't find any evidence of this song having existed outside of this cartoon, unlike the songs used in many 1930s WB toons. It sounds so authentic and lively and lived-in, like it came straight from some obscure country blues 78 on Paramount from the decade before.

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Point of Impact (1993)

6/10

Softcore Miami Vice

7 June 2022

Surprisingly entertaining B crime pic, possibly direct to video or maybe was in the theaters for a hot second, but I can't quite find that info. Pare, who's career started with a bang between Eddie & the Cruisers and Streets of Fire, ended up making close to 200(!) under the radar movies like this over the next couple decades, and unfortunately he's the worst part of the film. Stiff acting with every scene met by the same facial expression and vocal tone, and his character's idea of "investigation" is to bust straight in everywhere and demand answers. Not exactly Columbo.

But on the other side we have the always quality Michael Ironside as a clearly-up-to-no-good importer/exporter with an ocean front compound the size of a small theme park, and ex-Bond girl Barbara Carrera as the exotic hothouse flower wife of Ironside's, who spends about half the movie in some state of undress.

Set in Miami, the film leans into it with all manner of sports cars, skinny dipping, plots revolving around Cuba and Cubans, shootouts and fist fights, sex, sex, and more sex, and a bit of pastel-colored clothing and neon lights leftover from the previous decade. Perfectly entertaining B-level cheese.

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The Clonus Horror (1979)

7/10

Deserved a better fate

23 January 2019

I have a love/hate, or more accurately, like/dislike relationship with Mystery Science Theater. I think there's always been a love for B-movies from the staff (either in the Joel or Mike years) that comes through, but the sad truth is nearly every movie they've covered has become a popular culture joke. "Oh, that pile of junk! Ha ha!" And that's how one of their subject films are known from then on. Well, some of them aren't so bad, and The Clonus Horror is way up there for MST3K subjects that deserved a better fate.

It's a very '70s paranoid sci-fi along the lines of Coma and Soylent Green (and others), with an actual good cast including Peter Graves, Keenan Wynn, and Darren #2 from Bewitched. Sure, there are clunky parts, usually when Tim Donnelly is on the screen, and the camera work is drab and TV-like, but the movie plays with some genuinely interesting ideas, particularly in how the keepers define reality for the clones. Rivers just produce cans of beer, y'know. It's natural. What the monolith was to the apes, the can of Old Milwaukee was to the clones.

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The Invasion of Thunderbolt Pagoda (1968)

8/10

Outer Spaceways

16 January 2019

Underground psychonaut/poet/mystical vagabond Ira Cohen's poetry and experimental camera techniques laid over the top of some fantastic third eye clatter from avant-drone luminaries Angus MacLise, Henry Flint, and Tony Conrad (among others). The previous sentence will tell you all you need to know about how well this half hour will fit into your life; you're only going to get out of it what you put into it and maybe you find some cosmic wisdom therein, or maybe it's just something strange and intense to watch under the influence, or maybe you just see a bunch of stoned hippies flitting around a park with incomprehensible noises in the background. Your choice.

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Return to Warbow (1958)

7/10

Like a good TV episode

16 January 2019

No frills, fast paced B-western that starts with a chain gang break out and doesn't let up right through the typical showdown-in-the-hills finale. It plays like a very good episode of Gunsmoke or other TV western -- there isn't a larger than life actor here like Jimmy Stewart or John Wayne to focus on, nor does director Ray Nazarro, veteran director of dozens of B-westerns, have much time or inclination (or budget) for scenery or mood or inventive camera angles. It's all about plot, and it's a pretty good one, acted capably by everyone especially Phil Carey as the lead baddie, and is over in a pacey 67 minutes. You could do way worse when dipping into the obscure westerns bin.

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The 20 Questions Murder Mystery (1950)

6/10

A Sunday afternoon sort of movie

29 July 2014

Based around a guessing game radio show that that was very popular in America and the UK in the 40s and 50s, this film stars the cast of the British version. An anonymous listener is mailing questions into the show to be solved on the air, and these clues are lining up with actual murders being committed, so it's up to our radio heroes to decipher the clues for each new letter before it's too late and the murder committed.

It's old, creaky, but also quaint and light hearted with all murder and violence happening off-screen. I imagine people who were familiar with the UK program got more miles out of this than the rest of us as there are a number of in-jokes based on the panelists personalities (particularly Jack Train, who seems to be the goofball of the otherwise stuffy group), but it's still a fun, quick Sunday afternoon-type whodunit if you like the sort and even if you've never heard of the show.

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Reverb (2008)

4/10

What's that behind you? Oh, it's just another smash cut.

29 July 2014

Warning: Spoilers

Struggling musician gets some cheap studio time over the weekend to produce a track for his big break on a compilation album, his female friend (with benefits)/co-musician starts picking up on some weird background sounds in the studio, it all leads back to some obscure late 60s druggie/occult musician who used the same studio for evil purposes back then.

If that sounds like a good plot for a quickie horror movie, I very much agree! As well, both the acting and camera-work is competent for a micro- budget, straight-to-video production. But oh, watch and marvel at how they *absolutely ruin* what might have been an OK movie by inserting shrieky, screamy, pointless smash cuts (look it up) every few minutes to try to add an element of dread to a film that basically takes place in two or three tiny studio rooms. Someone sitting at the console mixing board? Well, that's boring, so let's smash cut to someone bloody and shrieking with "crazy guy" writing all over his body. Or, hell, let's just smash cut to shadowy figures lurking in the background, although that doesn't make a bit of sense in our story.

In the never-ending race for which modern horror editing trick annoys me more -- found footage shaky-cam or random, shrieky smash cuts -- the latter just took the lead by a few lengths after having to sit through an hour and a half of them.

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Hells Chosen Few (1968)

2/10

For completists only

23 June 2010

Obscure, grade-z biker pic with an unknown cast of amateurs that basically never acted in anything other than more obscure, grade-z biker pics. As a regular movie it's an agonizing, endless 92 minutes of dreary sets and people choking on their lines, but how is it as a biker pic, which is the main reason why anyone would seek this obscurity out in the 21st century? Meh. The bikers are suitably greasy and sleazy, although they're nowhere near fat enough for my biker movie tastes, and they do go through the usual biker movie machinations of fighting, drinking and womanizing, but it's just so sloppy and drab I found it hard to even enjoy those moments. Worth it for completists or those looking for Ed Wood-type laughs, but otherwise, hoo boy.

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Date Night (2010)

5/10

It was Date Night for me, too

22 April 2010

Most of the good things here involve both the humor and sadness in Carell and Fey's stale, domesticated relationship. They're both consumed with work and family, there's no spark in their romance, they can barely even muster up the enthusiasm to go on their regularly scheduled date night, and to top it off, their best friends are getting a divorce. A fair number of genuinely funny (and sometimes uncomfortable) jokes play off of this, and even some pathos. This should have been the focus of the entire movie.

Most of the bad things here involve the ridiculous action movie plot that seems shoehorned in for the ADD generation, just in case they couldn't go 15 minutes without a car chase or shootout. It's a brainless plot where two thugs assume Carell and Fey have the microfilm... excuse me, flash drive, because they took the dinner reservations of the person who really has it. It's like a slightly more elaborate episode of Three's Company.

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Brewster McCloud (1970)

10/10

Perhaps Altman's best

22 April 2010

Bookish virgin Brewster lives in the fallout shelter of the Houston Astrodome and dreams of flying one day with the mechanical wings of his own creation. Every time he leaves his sanctuary he's affronted by some manner of uptight goon who seeks to hinder Brewster for one reason or another. These antagonists all end up dead and covered in bird poop -- is it Brewster? His guardian angel (with two scars where wings would've been) Abraham? Does it matter? Not really.

Like most great art films, this will take some reading and reflection to truly get the most out of. The theme is freedom, obviously, and how our attachments and desires and fears keep us from reaching it. Brewster is told he needs to stay a virgin or he won't be able to fly, but in typical human fashion, temptation takes over as he falls for the beautiful Suzanne in Shelley Duvall's first role as an actress. The bulbous-shaped Astrodome is a metaphor for the birdcage in which Brewster lives. The ending is tragic and even silly and absurd at the same time. It is a strange, funny and poignant movie, and probably Altman's best.

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Frankenhooker (1990)

8/10

Where's My Johnson?!

20 April 2010

Med school dropout/mad scientist Jeffrey Franken accidentally runs over his girlfriend with his high-powered lawnmower creation and slices her to ribbons. What's he to do? Fuse her head to a bunch of random hookers' body parts and re-animate her Frankenstein-style, of course!

Insanely fun B-movie that is not only filled with twisted laughs but is both acted and filmed well. The dialogue is always clever and James Lorinz (Jeffrey) is a good actor and his twisted narration delivered in a thick New Jersey accent carries the movie. The scene where he's re-building his girlfriend in the lab, unveils a platter piled high with severed boobs and mixes and matches them until he finds the right ones would make Tarkovsky eat his heart out.

Supposedly one of Bill Murray's favorite movies. I could see it.

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The Last House on the Left (1972)

6/10

And the road leads to nowhere

1 April 2010

Two teen girls on their way to a rock concert try to score some pot, are invited into the apartment of a group of criminals (3 guys and 1 girl), who abuse the girls and make them do depraved things in various locations.

There are merits here. The in-close, shaky-cam style of shooting combined with a purposely scratchy print gives the film a perverse home movie feel, like you're watching some shocking reel of film you picked out of your neighbor's trash. Also, I guess the movie comments on the post-hippy era and women's liberation, but if it does, those comments aren't terribly deep. Otherwise it's a disturbing and trashy exploitation movie, mostly meant for shock value. And while it succeeds there, let's not go crazy here, either -- it's not exactly a great piece of cinema on any level.

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Pickup on South Street (1953)

9/10

Tense and gritty

1 April 2010

A subway pickpocket lifts the wallet from some woman's purse, the contents of which were far more important than the crook could've imagined. Everyone wants the pickpocket now -- the cops, the commies and our lady who's wallet was stolen in the first place.

A taut noir crime thriller filled with great acting, smart dialog and a tense pace with very few dead spots. Unlike some noirs, no one seems cartoonishly tough or clever, everyone is just a bit vulnerable and gets their nose pushed in the dirt before long. The one thing that comes off as badly out of date now is the "better dead than red" sentiment expressed by most of the characters, especially the criminals. However, one aspect that does hold up well into the 21st century is the violence and cynicism, something the film was ironically knocked for by some critics back when it released. The best performance probably comes from "sassy old broad" Thelma Ritter, whom most people would know better as Jimmy Stewart's maid in Rear Window.

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The Witches of Eastwick (1987)

5/10

Worth it for Jack, not so much the rest

1 April 2010

Three lonely women in a conservative New England town who's husbands have left them one way or another wish for the perfect man over their usual Thursday night martini get together. He shows up in the form of a smooth talking devil, literally, and seduces the three of them both physically and mentally. Once he starts being cruel to his enemies the women jump ship, but the devil isn't so eager to part ways.

Somewhere down there is a sharp film, unfortunately it's way down there below layers and layers of Hollywood fluff. Part romance, part supernatural horror, part feminist message movie, part a lot of things, really, and succeeds at none of them. Nicholson was born to play the devil and he shouts and spits and smirks something fierce. But the feminism is trite Hollywood puff (ie. women are honest and beautiful like nature while men are base pigs), half the time someone is either levitating or vomiting, and there's really nothing one can take away from the story.

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Cape Fear (1962)

9/10

Skin-crawlingly good

10 March 2010

Robert Mitchum plays what has to be one of the most sinister, greasy, menacing characters ever. He's just out of jail after 8 years and wants revenge on the guy who testified against him (Gregory Peck, tight-assed as ever). But no simple revenge like beating him up or even murder, he wants to torment his family, especially his young daughter. He first confronts Peck in the parking lot after work one day and declares his intentions, then proceeds to show up watching the family all over town. He doesn't do anything, just shows up where the family is and keeps them on edge.

What can they do about it? Can't run him out of town or have him arrested without actual crimes being committed, so he just keeps on tormenting them by showing up here and there and promising lewd things, like the skin-crawling scene at the marina where he all but says he's going to rape the 12-year old! Wild, ugly stuff for 1962. Mitchum carries the movie but the premise is a great one. J. Lee Thompson almost out-Hitchcocks Hitchcock here with a razor sharp psychological thriller.

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Pontypool (2008)

9/10

Alliteration has never been so deadly

10 March 2010

A wonderful small-set, small-cast thriller (calling this a zombie movie does it a disservice) revolving around a maverick, hard-drinking, cowboy hat-wearing DJ at a small Ontario radio station and the mysterious and frightening events that unfold around him and his two-woman crew outside of the studio. Details are slowly revealed via phone calls from the outside and a doctor who made his way through the snow to get to the studio. Our cast starts putting things together and possibly figures a way out of the whole mess. Or did they?

Stephen McHattie is fantastic as the Don Imus/Art Bell-like Grant Mazzy, as are the women who play his producer and engineer. Add the doctor and that's it, that's the entire, non-extra cast. I just so love small-set and small-cast movies, and it works perfectly here: They're all given lots of screen time in their claustrophobic little radio studio and it feels like you're in there with them. It's an intelligent, well-acted, tense movie; one of my favorites for 2008.

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Cop Out (2010)

4/10

Everything you expect it to be, for better or worse

4 March 2010

Saw this film as the first part of a double feature with the far more anticipated Shutter Island following, so my attention was only half there. That's about all the attention I needed, though, as it's a typical buddy cop movie through and through. Not that I expected anything different, mind you.

The whole reason I and likely 90% of the audience were there was for Tracy Morgan. And it was a "classic" Tracy Morgan performance, by which I mean he's his usual off-kilter self, some of his scenes work well and some of them fall flat on their face in awkward silence.

A 50% success rate is more than I can say for Bruce Willis, though, who looked so disinterested I was half expecting him to break character at any moment and announce he had to leave the set because he had a plane to catch for another movie he was filming.

The supporting cast of the underrated Sean William Scott and Jason Lee were their usually amusing selves, while the Latino gang villains, led by Guillermo Díaz of The Shield and Weeds fame, are absurdly over the top and clichéd, almost to the point of offensiveness.

It's a movie you'll probably see on cable while nursing a hangover one morning, or something you watch on a plane because it's light and there aren't many better choices. Hard to recommend it past that.

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Work Is a Four Letter Word (1968)

7/10

Father than far out

4 March 2010

One of the furthest out there of the late 60s counter culture movies, even though this 90 minute cinematic oddity was done by a Shakespeare troupe. We've got many of the classic themes here including work is oppressing and drugs can set you free! Right on.

Valentine Brose doesn't want to work but pressure from his girlfriend (Cilla Black!) and the chance to grow his magic mushrooms in a dark, damp factory environment persuade him to take the job. Many whimsical, surreal adventures follow, usually at the expense of the businessmen and the squares in general. At the end all the squares dose on Valentine's magic mushrooms, sit down for a nice chat and romp around all silly and laughy and childlike. Don't expect a straight narrative, it's as weird as all get out. Yay.

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Hells Angels Forever (1983)

7/10

Down 'n dirty look at the Hell's Angels

18 July 2008

Having seen at least 50 biker movies in my life, I find it encouraging that the real Hell's Angels seem uglier, fatter, hairier, drunker and more violent than their movie counterparts. Well, maybe not more violent, the documentary kind of skirts around that part. But drunker, fatter and hairier for sure! The focus switches between a New York City chapter and random California ones frequently, which is a little confusing, but otherwise it's a real interesting first hand look at the Angels at play (they're constantly partying) and talking about their way of life, interspersed with bits on the club's history and the unsuccessful racketeering charges the federal government tried to pin on them several times in the late 70s. Also of note is footage of Hell's Angels-sponsored performances by The Jerry Garcia Band, Bo Diddley, Elephant's Memory, Willie Nelson and lesser-knowns. Well worth the watch if you're interested in the Angels and can track this down.

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Death May Be Your Santa Claus (1969)

5/10

1960s radicalism

18 November 2007

A rather hard movie to track down. I owned the pseudo-soundtrack by prog rock band The Second Hand for a good 15 years before I could actually find the movie. The short (50m) film consists of barely related scenes, most featuring leading man Ken Gajadhar as a radical black student, and the beautiful Donna Dolce as some sort of gypsy/nymph/spirit thing who skips and hops all over the place. Chock full of allegories -- racism, poverty, war, religion -- but the meaning of most of them flew right over my head so close to bedtime. Still, I'm happy to have seen it, and you will be too if you have a soft spot for hippy culture.

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Fort Apache the Bronx (1981)

7/10

Underrated, almost cinema vérité look at the "Bronx Zoo" of the 1970s

17 October 2007

I was a bit taken aback when reading through the external reviews and seeing notable critics like Roger Ebert generally panning this movie. Not that it's a high water mark of film making, but a stylish, gritty, well-constructed movie, certainly.

The one major distracting element is Paul Newman. His performance is not at fault by any standards, in fact he was very good, but in this dark look at inner city dwellers and how they're prisoners of the crime and poverty that surrounds them, one of Hollywood's most notable actors just sticks out like a sore thumb. Again, not through any misstep that Mr. Newman might have made, but just simply because he is who he is: Too big to fit into a movie about little people.

Regardless, the movie is highly recommended for anyone wanting a unique look at inner city blight, the people who live in this setting and the men and women who try to protect them. There is nothing quaint about this movie, it is real and rough.

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Tombstone Canyon (1932)

6/10

Reasonably entertaining B-western

17 October 2007

The plot is set in motion from the time the studio logo disappears from the screen and nary a second is wasted on anything but advancing the plot over the film's sixty minutes. No atmosphere, no characterization; all action, almost like a TV episode. The story concerns one man's search for his unknown identity and the apparent ranch war he walks into on his quest. There are some quaint old timey quirks like every horse ride and fist fight running in double speed, and the word "fellas" is used a good thirty times, but even someone like myself who wasn't born until forty years after this picture was made found it to be consistently entertaining.

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Cry Blood, Apache (1970)

7/10

A bit of gold underneath all that tarnish

8 May 2004

Poorly acted, poorly directed, heck, it seems like it was shot in one afternoon, but I still found Cry Blood, Apache quite entertaining. The foremost reason for this is because there are no good guys in this grim and nihilistic story. A gang of wanderers rapes and murders a small indian tribe save for one woman only on the basis she promises to lead them to more gold. A member of that tribe returns home to find the aftermath and sets out on revenge. The manner in which he picks off the wanderers, one by one, is gruesomely entertaining. The scene where he leaves one of them hanging upside down in the middle of a river is very powerful and memorable, a real jaw dropper.

Everyone is loathsome by the end of the film, even the victimized Apache woman! You're given no one to root for and the movie ends on a sad and sour note. Sure, the technical aspects of this film leave a lot to be desired (to say the least), but if you can get past that and want to see something outside of the typical good guy/bad guy Western, this sloppy little B-film delivers. 7/10

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Without Warning (1980)

5/10

Hairy frisbees and Jack Palance

11 February 2002

Surprisingly entertaining movie both in a laugh-out-loud bad way and also as a creepy horror/sci-fi movie that kept me entertained even without the cheesyness. Jack Palance is, well, Jack Palance, as hammy and gruff as ever, and Martin Landau does a good job as a Grade-A kook! As people have mentioned previously, I think they got the alien costume from an Outer Limits yard sale and those hairy frisbees it throws are just too amusing - one of the silliest "weapons" in movie history. It works on so many levels!

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Mad Foxes (1981)

4/10

Ugh.

23 July 2000

I don't remember ever seeing such bad dubbing as in the version I saw of this film. It doesn't even seem like the voice actors were watching the movie! When the actor's face on the screen would seem to denote that he is yelling, the dubbed voice sounds calm. When the actor's face on the screen would seem to denote that he is in pain, the dubbed voice sounds calm. In fact, the dubbed voice ALWAYS sounds calm!!

Not only that, but the actual writing of the English dubbed version leaves a lot ot be desired, to say the least. We are treated to such scintilating, saucy dialogue as:

Man in bathtub, to woman: "Come here." Woman: "Okay."

Even further, we have a biker gang that rides around on dirt bikes (?!?!) and a group of the laziest karate masters ever as their karate kicks don't even rise above their waists!!

I'm a big fan of "bad" movies but this one didn't make me laugh at all. It just made me wince in pain.

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