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The Happening (2008)
2/10
Nice idea, but as for the realisation....
23 December 2008
A staggeringly bad delivery of a really interesting premise. When you find yourself praying for the main characters to die horribly, and soon, you know the film makers have got it badly wrong. Compare this to the less conceptually interesting but brilliantly made Cloverfield, taking one recent apocalyptic instance, and I'm wondering if my vote of 2 was 2 too many....

The list of cinematic crimes committed here is too lengthy to bother with. Those which, however, particularly offended me include the wildly inaccurate depictions of the effects of gun shots on the human skull and of a long pin in the jugular (no budget for fake blood?), the comedy car-meets-tree scene and the painfully sentimental and cosy 'return to normality'.

This is just a terrible film. Now imagine this directed by Romero or any other stalwart of the End-of-the-World genre and the pictures in your head will be far superior to this pasty and dreary exercise in banality.
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Borderland (2007)
4/10
Borderline
21 April 2008
Horror movie or docudrama? Both and neither.

The opening scene of this movie deceives, situating it firmly in Hostel territory, with grotesque violence and intense claustrophobic action. In the main action of the film, however, it seems as if the horror movie element of this is compromised by the fact that two of those involved are still alive. If safely dead foreigners can be depicted as the victims of graphic bloodletting, living and dead Americans cannot be. To be blunt, this film cops out. It is selective in what the audience are permitted to see entire and what is merely implied or suggested, presumably with relatives' and survivors' sensibilities in mind. There is nothing wrong with this, if this were packaged as a real life story, but as a horror movie it is a cheat. Instead of becoming more involving or thrilling as the action unwinds, it becomes increasingly distant, chilly and mechanical.

I can't help thinking it would have been far more successful to have taken the basic premise of the story and to have gone down the road of complete fiction, to sustain the energy and darkness of the opening scene, instead of the patchy and undigested amalgam it becomes. That way, it would have been a terrific horror. Instead, it's neither fish nor fowl, and unsatisfactory stuff.
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Bruiser (2000)
3/10
All dressed up and....
11 April 2008
There is about 20 minutes of interesting movie here, in the opening preamble and in the grand guignol of the masquerade party. In between, this is poor.

I love Romero films, for, amongst other things, their mixture of grotesque violence and gallows humour. With Bruiser, apart from the delicious viciousness of the set-up of our faceless non-hero, this provided some peculiar and unsatisfactory combination of Zorro and Death Wish, without atmosphere, coherence or even any real energy. Did the whole budget get blown on the set for the masquerade? I wanted to like it, was expecting to at least enjoy it in a time-passing way, and was only bored and frustrated by it.
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Cloverfield (2008)
9/10
Now that is a monster movie
10 April 2008
I haven't enjoyed a movie so much in ages. No, it isn't the greatest movie of all time, but it's one of the best of its kind I've ever seen. So the hand-held POV isn't wholly original, who cares? It works. And works so well.

What is striking about this is it actually ends up being moving. Too many of these films make it (a) easy to spot the order in which characters will die and (b) make you start wishing they would all die horribly. This isn't so predictable. And by the end of this, partly because of the intimacy of the viewer's involvement in the action and partly because this is refreshingly thin on stereotypes, you end up caring about them.

A thoroughly good watch, some genuine jump-in-the-seat moments, enough cleverness and allusions for the movie geeks amongst us and just plain enjoyable, which is rare enough in any year.
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High Tension (2003)
5/10
Barbed wire love
6 April 2008
For a short while watching this, I thought, oh a different moral universe to the slasher genre governs this film, where the outsider, the deviant can actually be heroic, resourceful and capable. But the heavy handed signs of moral and sexual depravity progressively came to dominate the narrative trajectory. While the ending was a surprise, it wasn't all that surprising a surprise in the wake of every piece of voyeuristic gazing and androgynous signification, of choices and priorities pursued.

Another reviewer comments on the fact that the ending is not intrinsic to the film as a whole. I wholeheartedly disagree. While the mechanics of it are difficult to fathom, the logic of it is all of a piece with everything that comes before if one watches attentively and reads the signs appropriately.

On the plus side, there is tension, some high quality spatter and gore (although the colour of blood is sometimes debatable) and no inane backstory or flashbacks to clutter things up. Accept the ending as wholly coherent with the film, and many other mysteries which are much more interesting are revealed and left satisfyingly unanswered.
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Crossed Over (2002 TV Movie)
1/10
Leeching off tragedy
8 December 2007
Leaving aside the tired and seedy clichés of the death row genre, which this film wallows in, and the unpleasant evocation of the crucifixion, this film is just plain inaccurate, a bit-part player's parasitic exploitation of her tiny role in a bigger story. What is missing is more important than what is here. Where is the female victim's brother who was a regular visitor and friend to the murderer? Where is Newt Gingritch, where is Pat Robertson? Both actively campaigned for commutation of the death sentence. Where is any mention of the key Larry King interview given two weeks before her death? The overwhelming impression is that this woman had one source of support and friendship, when the reality was very different. It can't even get right the nature of the barrier in the visitor's room, or the marriage-by-proxy, opting instead for the romantic death row ceremony.

This is a movie which enjoys its misery, a pornography of redemption and death. If the book has the same tendency to self-promote at the expense of the truth, then the movie is true to the book. And then neither are true to the facts.
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5/10
Meta-Family Guy
27 October 2007
Taxi Driver homage, Death Wish for the Noughties, Faust bonds with Mephistopheles, and so on and so forth. Others have rightly noted and critiqued this movie's slightly confused and empty engagement with its revenge predecessors, which I won't repeat. So here's what struck me.

This is not actually a film about revenge. It's a film about Family. And it's also a film about a film about Family. The centrality of the home movies to the action, with which the movie opens and closes parallels the use of, amongst other references, Taxi Driver motifs. We are presented with the juxtaposition of the home movie version of family life with the bickering, untidy and emotionally impoverished reality of Bread Winner, Home Maker, Golden Boy and Younger Son, each a satellite revolving around the central empty concept of Family. And this is in turn juxtaposed with the Other Family, the gang, racially mixed, bonded through choice, inventing its own rituals and relationships, where blood ties are not the inane ones of parenthood but ones forged in violence. Parents and siblings in the Other Family are inverted versions of those in the Family: who serves whose needs are reversed to expose the contingent norms of Family which hold individuals in fixed relationship to one another, unable to develop or rise in the hierarchy.

This movie, for me, is a savage parody on the nature of family. As a revenge movie it offers nothing new and I can't help but see that as deliberate. Energy, self-determination and individuality are all positioned on the side of the Other Family, while the Family are a monochrome form of bondage to an empty ideal. Whether the film actually celebrates this is debatable, because it falters too often in its delivery. There is a potential classic fighting to get out here, but it has been smothered by its wallowing in the adoration of the hardware.

But Goodman is superb. The failure of courage of this movie is exemplified by the fact that father-on-father conflict/connection is misplaced, in a film where mothers are utterly irrelevant.
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1/10
National Geographic does zombies
24 October 2007
This is, without reservation, the worst zombie film I have ever seen. And I've seen almost all of them. The only mildly entertaining moment occurs right at the end with our last sight of our heroic lady reporter. How I managed to make it through to that point speaks either of doggedness or being too idle to turn off the DVD. If I could give it a minus score, I would.

It makes no sense, either as an overall premise or within its individual scenes. (Or is that realism, when people do things with no apparent logic or intention?)

What Papua New Guinea did to deserve this homage to its quaint tribal customs, who knows, but I hope it helped the local economy. Padding out the movie with scenes of 'primitive' folk obviously saved money on the production. Although where the leftover was spent remains a mystery. Quick, find that accountant hiding in the Seychelles....

Also missing is the script, which no one seemed to have, judging by the amount of pausing and standing still saying nothing that everyone does. If found, please destroy immediately.

So many reviewers claim this to be a classic. How so? Perhaps a cult status derives solely from the limited number of people who appreciate a movie, leaving those with less refined palates shaking their heads. Well, I claim my award as a cult movie lover....and I still detest and resent this nonsense.
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2/10
Memo to self
24 October 2007
1. Avoid all movies with exclamation marks in the title - you'll only be surprised in a baaaad way;

2. Avoid all movies which the director claims to have made to be deliberately bad: if he's lying, he's a bad director covering up and if he's telling the truth he must have all rights to direct surgically removed;

3. Avoid all movies which have as their sole premise the quotation, sorry that's "QUOTATION", with an elbow in the ribs, the fruits of others' honest endeavour;

4. Remember - just because it has 'living' and 'dead' in the title does not mean you will like it anyway even if it's cheesy as hell, with rubbish dialogue and skanky SFX;

5. Life is too short for such stuff.
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7/10
One- two- three- and- away!
18 October 2007
Let us rapidly discard Vadim's soft-soft-porn equinaphilia and briefly acknowledge the mesmeric quality of the childhood version of William Wilson, refusing the rest as a trite and rather staid period piece. Watch this only for Fellini's 'Toby Dammit'.

Imagine. Asked to make a film version of a Poe story, which does the director choose? The most textually whimsical, mannered, and distanced of them all, 'Never Bet the Devil Your Head', rendered as a fractured satire on the movie industry and redemption, the screen filled with oddness (oh those waltzing twins), foreshadowing and twisting faces, streets and sequencing. Not to mention a car chase to rival any of the usual contenders.

Adaptations of literary works are notoriously unsatisfactory. Adaptations of literary works whose energy and effect are dependent on the precise nature of narrative voice and internal perspective are invariably crashing disasters (think 'Bonfire of the Vanities'). Fellini has tossed all my preconceptions about such a move from text to celluloid up in the air. And I thank and honour him for it.
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Dead Silence (2007)
4/10
Every movie ever made...only more hackneyed
16 October 2007
I was expecting better from this. But after enduring an hour of atmospheric numbness, under-under-stated masculine emoting, and above all, endless, rehashed intertextual referencing of every Gothic/horror/creepy dummy movie ever made, and then the surprise ending (which was a surprise but not surprising), I'd rather have watched a cheesy Stephen King adaptation, which at least don't have pretensions to being anything other than entertainment. This movie has culled everything from Carnival of Souls via Magic (an infinitely superior ventriloquist movie) to Chucky and beyond, and none of them have been done justice unto.

There is a 10-minute sequence near the end which is genuinely creepy, but it gets trashed by its development and resolution into a really rather silly haunted house/doll/lake romp. And it could have been so much better.
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Frightmare (1974)
8/10
First, do no harm
7 July 2007
This is a superbly savage and utterly bleak study of generational insanity and the fatuousness of the medicine that seeks to heal it. The world of this movie is realised with such economy and concision (no pointless repetition or endless discovery process) and the settings are so exactly right, from the funky flat to the farmhouse, yet not located in any particular area.

Two characters stand out - Debbie, the younger daughter, and the father. The way in which the performance of the former veered from little girl to pseudo-grown up to almost a woman, primarily through voice and accent alone, was compelling and convincing, as she shifts from tough little vixen to teenage sexpot to needy child. But central to this movie is the father and his enigmatic, ambivalent persona. Evil (or madness) is actually much less interesting than complicity and greyer shades of guilt.

So the gore is primitively rendered, the support acting lame and the cars a bit sad. This is ten times as smart and politically informed as Hostel or its ilk. And it lingers long in the memory, not for the blood splatter, but with Why? questions.
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3/10
Things that go zzzzzzzzzzz...thud in the lake
23 June 2007
This might have made an episode of the (original) Twilight Zone, although the flashing neon sign yelling Obvious Ending Coming would have made it a poor one.

Slow. Plodding. Unatmospheric. Wooden. Insulting. (I'll think of some more words soon....). I love slightly cheesy, mildly thrilling 70s 'B' movies. This is just a bore with pretensions of grandeur and intellectualism.

Somewhere here there are some interesting elements about sexual morality and masculinity, but the movie gives over so much time to driving through Anytown USA, to a square dance and to the deep brooding presence of our sexually magnetic hero, that there's no space for any development of its more intriguing ideas.
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Reeker (2005)
7/10
Something about this lingers
4 June 2007
Warning: Spoilers
I was expecting just another jolly slashing-of-teens-for-pointless-revenge type of movie, but this is more than that. It becomes a rather awkward but powerful meditation on the nature of death and dying, and perhaps it takes a real-life experience to make sense of what the director is trying to do here. Death does have a smell. Dying has a smell. And it's a smell like nothing else. In the western world we are so divorced from death, which happens in antiseptic medical environments, that it is unusual for people not habituated to corpses (the police, the funeral home worker etc) to encounter the utterly unique and redolent stench of the dead body.

So up until the twist, here we have a by-numbers bump-them-off in gruesome ways procession. And then the explanation, a series of crashes, utterly transforms all that has gone before. The grotesque damage done to each person is re-contextualised as the consequence of injuries sustained when solid machinery and frail human flesh come into close contact. And this process - the primary horror film succeeded by the secondary prosaic explanation - shifts the relationship of the viewer to both parts. The obscene injuries we accept as de rigeur in slasher films become something utterly different when viewed as the product of a road accident, an everyday event across the world, and invests the latter with more significance as a result. This is not a trite twist, it is one which seeks to shift our perception of 'ordinary' violent death.

There are more than a few things in the movie which don't make a lot of sense. For me, the main one is why the RV driver is going around shooting the not-quite-dead when he is one of the victims. Does the heart attack provide any clue to this? But there is much to admire here, for all its flaws, as it strives to give a visceral experience for the viewer of the process of violent death and to convey something of the experience of being on the verge between life and death and of coming back into life. To do this via a metaphor which is grounded in the most mundane and most lingering element of a death, the sense of smell, is a neat way of envisioning what is nearest and furthest from us, death.
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7/10
Very clever but rather empty
22 January 2007
Well, I waited a long time to see this...and I'm left shrugging my shoulders. On the plus side, it's fast-paced, wonderfully acted (Kevin Spacey doing something that little bit different and oh so well), with exceptional camera work and lighting. But, but, but. The twist is a classic, sending you back to the rest of the movie with all kinds of questions. I just wish those questions extended beyond the details of the plot or the nature of the plotting. As an enquiry into the nature of telling a story, it languishes in the remedial class, opting for a cute but rather cheap revelation rather than any serious interrogation into the nature of a thriller, which is what it seems to want to be.

A good watch and never dull or dragging, but a movie which leaves me with a rather hollow feeling. Disappointing, particularly for something which came heaped with so much critical praise.
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Scarecrows (1988)
8/10
Don't go into the cornfield!
8 November 2006
A genuine jump-in-the-chair creepshow. It's not entirely logical and no explanation is ever fully defined, but this is so much more sophisticated than the usual zombie-inbred-slasher fare. It doesn't spell out the backstory in words of one syllable. It doesn't have any 'Hey, I'm an obvious victim' characters. It doesn't have a clear distinction between the Nice and the Nasty people. And the setting manages to take something so sweetly rural and downhome wholesome and make it threatening, eerie, intensely claustrophobic. A really shining example of less-is-more, both in terms of spilt blood and also in leaving unexplained elements (supernatural and human) for the viewer's mind to snag on after the film is over.
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4/10
The ending may matter
31 October 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Many others have commented on this "homage" to all satires of a political bent and its hodge-podge of referenced dictators, and I can only agree. Pol Pot, Hess, Mussolini, Caligula, Winston Smith, they're all here, filtered through a film school montage of techniques and borrowings. It's all very unsatisfactory, character motivations are opaque and inconsistent, and the tone is uneven, uncertain if it is satirical comedy or mockumentary expose.

The ostensible message identified by other reviewers of the movie - that all resistance to tyrants by ordinary people is futile - is, however, less clear to me. Yhe very fragmented nature of the final ten minutes or so seems not to have been commented on either here or in professional reviews. To write it off as a descent into madness, as it has been, seems to ignore a certain poignancy and trickiness of the closing scene, where the daughter leaves her father in a flat on a council estate (looking like somewhere in South London), gets into the lift and weeps. Are we meant to conclude that everything that has gone before is the delusion of a madman, typing his story endlessly to the exclusion of the real? Or that the hypercoloured parody of the bulk of the film is a metaphor for the life that we Winstons live in apparent freedom but actual oppression? A block of flats, uniform, utilitarian, where people try and make a life for themselves lacks the drama of a North Korea or Cambodia, and the censorship and mental poverty may be invisible to us since we are not starving or sent to re-education camps or explicitly tortured. Maybe I am being too generous to this very flawed film, but the ending has left me with many questions than anything else in the movie, since it seems to require us to go back and look again at the rest of the movie. Are we so remote from this exaggerated, fictional country? Is it just a matter of degree?
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Slither (2006)
3/10
Neither horrifying nor comic
28 October 2006
I was really disappointed by this. As someone who thoroughly enjoys gallows humour horror as well as baaaad B movie horror, I expected this to be thoroughly entertaining. But it wasn't.

It had its moments of fun (few, including the eclectic inhabitants of the town) but it just couldn't resolve itself into either a comedy horror or a horror with a comedy twist. The stupid people weren't stupid enough to be a source of humour. The brave people weren't interesting or convincing enough to ally with. And it was both inconsistent and illogical in its 'horror' (an unforgivable crime in my view), since the effects of the creature on people kept multiplying in order to generate some new 'disgusting' (not) trick. The backstory of the creature was introduced in an interesting way, but otherwise this movie seems to try and tick all the boxes of Romero & The Thing & Killer Klowns etc etc without doing anything well enough to be enjoyable.

It is also a curiously heartless film, for all its use of a romantic springboard for much of the action. Give me either a genuine B movie where the laughs are unintentional or a real horror with twisted humour, but not this, which adds nothing and seems designed merely to cash in on the genuine creativity of others.
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Badlands (1973)
7/10
The most mesmeric of spree-killing films
25 October 2006
The quality of understatement in this movie sets it apart from all others which tread similar territory. Remove the killings and it becomes some strange, strangled love story between people who never connect with one another or anyone else. Only the land across which they travel evokes any emotional response from them. Communication is so staccato, so inadequate yet seems to convey the full contents of their minds - the numb ignorance of Holly and the posturing fantasies of Kit.

Where other spree movies have drama, cruelty, malice, misanthropy, this has a parodic quality, not least in the scene before the plane arrives, where Kit conducts himself like a politician up for election, smooth, empty, charming, seductive. There is a commentary here on the adoption of available roles - from the currency of their reading (Marco Polo and Hollywood gossip) through to the vapidity or absence of authority figures, where Kit can invent and reinvent himself in mediated roles, Holly remains a blank, a landscape unshaped by human understanding.

A remarkable film, untrammelled by the subsequent genre norms, which will frustrate a viewer more familiar with Natural Born Killers, but which rewards a quiet watching, not for the thrills, which are few, but for quality of thinking which went into making this movie.
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The Game (1997)
2/10
Cheap shots, all blanks
21 October 2006
A movie with pretensions of profundity, shooting for a deep consideration of values, humanity and love, but hitting a great big sloppy marshmallow. Yes, it's clever, but in a clever-clever style, not an intellectually whimsical or psychologically complex manner. Douglas does Acting - look! Anger! Grief! Confusion! Penn does some strange parody of a nightclub singer (oh, that white tuxedo...) in a gangster movie. The only interesting moment is when van Orton pleads that the money isn't his, it's 'pensions and payrolls', a completely unrealised insight into the mythologies and hypocrisies of the economic system underpinning the movie. The script does nothing to convince, with dialogue by numbers and lots and lots of 'significant'eyeballing, or eyerolling. Even the cinematography is mundane and tired. The closing scene just offends with its 'enigmatic' quality, van Orton apparently stricken by either Botox or constipation. A hobbling attempt at the Deep and Meaningful. Avoid.
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6/10
If only it were more than half a good movie....
16 October 2006
The first half is genuinely frightening, in an adrenalin-inducing, jump-in-your-seat kind of way, not least because all the stereotypical gestures of this movie type are both stripped away and mocked. Brother and sister, likable, smart, flawed. A genuinely realistic premise for the uncovering of the bodies. No stock set of characters. No 'let's go explore that scary mansion'. And the lack of predictability continues to the hiatus in the diner with the phone call. Disorienting and requiring close attention, this film uses the standard tricks of its sub-genre, subverts and remakes them.

And then it all goes wonky. Psychics and the nature of the killer, the running and screaming and driving, all reduce it to the level of same old, same old. And that's a shame. The sound throughout is highly skilled (particularly the use of silence and the Henry Hall song over the closing credits); the ending is suitably horrible; and sympathy for central characters in this genre is rare, but the fright factor just isn't sustained in the second half.

I'd give this 8 for the first half and 4 for the second, so I've averaged it.
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Tourist Trap (1979)
4/10
Topsy-turvy land
6 October 2006
Warning: Spoilers
How can a movie combine elements which are so striking with those which are so pedestrian and ludicrous? Seeing Chuck being a little girl was macabre. But so much of the middle action was utterly predictable. Best bad line - when the killer's identity is revealed, the girl squeaks 'You!'. As if anybody could be surprised.

And yet. And yet. It thwarts audience expectations by killing off the heroic and courageous, and keeping alive the whining weakling.

I found myself convinced that the entire genesis of the film began from the premise of the closing shot, and the action was an exercise in how to get to that - admittedly chilling - image.

Deeply flawed, but not without redeeming moments. And even the odd scare.
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