Reviews

Fast forward many generations or to be more accurate about 300 years from "War for the Planet of the Apes" to a brand new trilogy in this universe that started in our real world in 2011 with "Rise" followed by "Dawn" and "War".

"Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes" proves no one can stop the reign!

So in fact it's more of a prequel, but includes the story arcs from the rebooted trilogy, whilst also being a clear nod to the original Charlton Heston/ Roddy McDowall 1968 "Planet of the Apes"

Director Wes Hall didn't want a direct sequel to "War for the Planet of the Apes".

Instead the director jumped centuries ahead in the timeline to prepare for the next instalment and trilogy.

This new movie opens with Caesar's burial ceremony, which feels very Native American or even Nordic.

Then it flashes forward to explore what's become of Caesar's legacy, his ideas, his values and especially his motto for all Apes.

The CGI and Blue Screen are next level.

Goofs: Bunkers that still have power after 3 centuries, are still shiny and need no housekeeping.

Plus sea water that rises above sea water level.

"Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes" is the first to be shot in IMAX and would look even more awesome screened in that format.

I saw an advance screening in XD with new Laser Projection and was blown away by the VFX with city scapes transformed into jungles, ballparks reclaimed by nature, beaches littered with washed up rusting hulks of ships and high definition Ape facial expressions.

BTW. This is the first modern Ape movie shot without Andy Serkis, but it does star Kevin Durand ("The Strain"), William H. Macy ("Shameless") and Owen Teague ("Bloodline").

Watch out for: One of the most iconic death by birds scenes since Alfred Hitchcock.

Now I can't wait for the reboot of the '68 version where apes are reading, bearing guns, governed and all the crazy stuff that made this concept so fascinating to me as a youth.

"Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes" has blown my mind.

Its message is about how society functions better with decency, morality and compassion...valuable things that the OG Caesar taught his clan and passed on through many generations...because together we are strong as a society, not divided.

"Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes" is like "Mad Max: Fury Road" with Apes and you're getting the big picture.

What a wonderful day...to see a movie where you'll believe Apes can swear!

All aboard this action epic, "Boy Kills World" where everyone and I mean everyone is packing.

A feature based on a short film by Moritz Mohr and Arend Remmers.

Which is the trend now for getting your projects signed onto big production and distribution deals...usually played out at a film festival where the power brokers descend.

You just know Sam Raimi had a hand in producing this almost 2 hour crime, thriller.

"BKW" is a deeply, dark, ultra violent comedy with a higher death count than all the John Wick movies combined!

The story arc follows "Boy" (Bill Skarsgard "It") a deaf, mute who adopts the voice from a video fighting game called "Super Dragon - Punch Force".

"Boy's" inner voice is none other than comedian and voice actor H. Jon Benjamin ("Archer", "Bob's Burgers") Just like a video game this movie has Boss Levels that need to be conquered in different scenarios to fulfill "Boy's" destiny and revenge for his whole family being slaughtered during a ritual in a world where "The Culling" exists to reduce the number of opposition to the ruling family.

Sound familiar Putin?

As time goes on while "Boy" is honing his one man army skills in the jungle under the guidance of a mystical Shaman (Yayan Ruhian) who saved his life post firing squad and hanging:..The Culling" has evolved into a Game Show hosted by wonderful South African actor Sharlto Copley as "Glen".

"BKW" was actually filmed in Cape Town, South Africa.

And this gore fest now chooses random villagers and is sponsored by a breakfast cereal company to legitimise it.

Basically corporations now sponsor mass murder in a dystopian future.

Watch out for: Famke Janssen ("X-Men") as "Hilda" the patriarch of the terrifying "Van Der Koy" family, who looks amazing at 60 and is bat s*&t crazy.

"Boy Kills World" is not over till player one, "Boy", dies or wins.

The fight scenes are beyond brutal and would even make Korean filmmakers blush.

Revenge films are big in 2024.

Think "Monkey Man" meets "Hunger Games" and you're in the zone.

Insert crazy action montage!

They say your fate is in the cards in this 2024 "Tarot".

A bunch of students rent out a cabin in the woods, in this case it's a goddamn mansion and a creepy one at that.

The only woodsy thing these people do is light a fire outside the formidable gated mansion to tell fireside stories and play games.

However, inside is where they turn up the supernatural heat with a tarot reading of everyone in the group using a found set of cards in the basement (where else?).

It must be an overseas thing, because few homes in Australia have a basement or even an attic where accidents can happen.

Who will be next to die in this at times corny teen horror/slasher, supernatural flick?

Well they seem to die in the order of the first reading to last, a lot like seating positions in "Destination".

You'll be wishing it's "The Joker" of this pack "Paxton" (Jacob Batalon) The film "Tarot" is based on the book "Horrorscope" by Nicholas Adams. (nice word play Nick) All the horror tropes are rolled out for this movie, with plenty of jump scares. This film is known after the book title in the US.

Who will be the final girl?

You'll have to wait and see if there even is one as they play out this horror movie like painting by numbers.

The closing song ironically is "I can't believe I survived", but I won't tell you if anyone does survive, because that would be a spoiler alert.

All is say is this movie fatefully only deserves a 5/10* due to its predictable plot and mediocre acting.

But hey what do I know, it's currently #4 on the Australian Top 5 Box Office and took in nearly 1/2 a million dollars on debut.

In "The Lesson" we learn a few handy life lessons.

Good writers borrow,

Great writers steal.

Devious ones do much worse.

At the end you'll be asking who's teaching whom?

Starring the wonderful Richard E. Grant, the gorgeous Julie Delpy & the talented Daryl McCormack.

Daryl as "Liam is a young author working on his first novel and to boost his living conditions takes a tutoring position at the estate of a legendary writer (Grant as "J. M. Sinclair") and Julie as his wife "Helene" who has her own agenda.

Whilst Stephen MCMillan is their bullied, brow beaten, spoilt rich boy son "Bertie".

"The Lesson" was Alice Troughton's directorial debut of a feature length film.

She was born to direct and what a wonderful cast to herd like cats.

I love a good psychological thriller and Hitchcock was the master...this movie takes a leaf out of his style of genre.

"The Lesson" is a slow burn thriller, but totally worth the pay off.

You never know who's going to change your life or which movie might change your life.

2021's "Here Today" written, directed and starring Billy Crystal ("City Slickers") could do just that for you.

Over nearly 2 hours it sensitively deals with an ageing comedy writer living with dementia.

Along this journey we meet "Charlie Burnz" co-workers on a hit cable TV show, his grown children and grandchild plus a woman (Tiffany Haddish "Girls Trip") who becomes his friend and helps him through the challenges he faces.

We also discover his past, his dead wife (Louise Krause "The Dive") and so much more in this incredibly moving masterpiece of filmmaking on a topic that is often too dark for comedy, but it works well in "Here Today".

Most of us have been touched by some family member, loved one or friend who has succumbed to this insidious disease.

The sooner we find a cure or even medication to deal with dementia the world will be a much happier place.

If you don't laugh or shed a tear during this film you have no heart.

This is one of the best Billy Crystal projects in decades.

It's high noon on the edge of the universe in "The Fall Guy" a movie that's been done before a lifetime ago as a TV series in 1981, before my son was born.

So, what is with Hollywood's obsession with remaking old TV series?

Wasn't 112 episodes from the 80's enough for most of us?

A lack of creativity would be the answer.

Still it was shot in Sydney.

Meaning at the very least it employed a lot of Australian cast and crew which is great for our local film industry.

Play the drinking game "Spot the Aussies and Great Australian Landmarks" and you'll be inebriated before you leave the cinema.

The chemistry between the two stars is palpable and a chance for the biggest stars form "Barbie" and "Oppenheimer" to unite on the big screen.

Ryan Gosling is the titular stuntman as "Colton Seavers" in this big budget adaptation.

Although this is not the best project to choose after his role as "Ken" in 2023's smash hit.

It's not the first time Gosling has played a stunt performer, remember "Drive" from 2011?

Meanwhile Emily Blunt plays "Jody" the director of the movie within the movie and does her best in this lightweight action, comedy, romance with fast talking repartee between the two.

Watch out for: Aaron Taylor-Johnson ("Bullet Train") as "Tom Ryder" the star of this fictional movie.

And also "Ted Lasso" favourite Hannah Waddingham as the Producer of said film.

Plus the TV show's famous vehicle, the GMC K-2500 Wideside.

Director David Leitch started his career as a stuntman in movies like "Blade".

No one is calling this Oscar bait even though it stars 3 Oscar nominees, but it is what it is a fun, not always funny movie, that is an escape from your everyday so you can forget about your worries, shocking news headlines, the cost of living etc for just over 2 hours. (at least 30 minutes too long)

Blink and you'll miss it: Six million dollar man SFX during a slow motion fight scene (due to Lee Majors ("The Six Million Dollar Man ") playing the OG "Colton Seavers".

There is plenty of foreshadowing of later events in "The Fall Guy".

The ripper soundtrack opens with Kiss and AC/DC and just keeps pumping out the classic metal bangers.

Please avoid the terrible playlist someone has made on Spotify calling itself "The Fall Guy" (Soundtrack) because it's not even remotely close to the true soundtrack.

Listen out for: the original TV series theme song in the closing credits sung by Lee Majors who has a cameo in this motion picture version.

Even Heather Thomas, the original "Jody", makes an appearance.

Stay for the end credits where you get a sneak peek at the movie within a movie they've been making, "Metal Storm" and meet the real stuntmen and women behind "The Fall Guy".

This flick celebrates the art of stunt performing at every opportunity and could be a fun date night where you'll find yourself reciting some of the lines to your partner on Valentine's Day.

Who knows maybe this movie could convince the Academy to add a "Stunt" category next year?

When I saw the new horror film "Abigail" was dedicated to Angus Cloud as "Dean" I did a deep dive into this young actor.

Cloud died at just 25 allegedly due to an accidental drug overdose and the scar on his head is real from falling into a construction pit in his teens and nearly dying in real life ten years earlier than when he did in 2023.

So, unfortunately Angus never saw the movie "Abigail" released at cinemas.

At least he got to star as "Fezco" in the streaming series "Euphoria".

"Abigail" is a better than passable or even good horror movie with a few twists and turns that you or may not see coming in this creepy old seemingly haunted house.

It has some highly original kills in this gory, monster horror flick...there's something about a ballerina's tutu covered in blood splatter that screams horror!

Check out the talent in this casting.

Giancarlo Esposito ("Breaking Bad") as "Lambert" who organises the kidnapping of a rich man's daughter for ransom money...$50 million to be exact.

To hide their true identities each kidnapper is given the pseudonym of a famous Rat Packer.

Hence Kevin Durand ("The Strain") is "Peter", Dan Stevens ("Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire") is "Frank", and Melissa Barrera is "Joey" and so on.

Directors Matt Bettinelli-Olpin's and Tyler Gillett's experience with the "Scream" franchise gives both of them the right background to bring "Abigail" off the pages of Stephen Shields and Guy Busick's script.

In the third act Steven's character get to deliver one liners reminiscent of maniacal Jack Nicholson's "The Joker" in the "Batman" movie or "The Shining".

Listen out for: The main theme from Tchaikovsky's ballet "Swan Lake", which was also used in the opening titles of "Dracula" over 90 years ago.

But as "Frank" says near the end of this film, "I fu&@ing hate ballet!"

Watch out for: Skinny dipping in the indoor pool long before the new Deadpool movie and Alisha Weir's dancing as "Abigail", she is a truly remarkable Tiny Dancer doing most of her own ballet and stunts.

She is only a child, but she delivers.

The Radio Silence production house have a genuine winner on their books.

Lots of blood in this genre is normal, but this is pretty extreme and reminiscent of Sam Raimi's buckets of blood in "Evil Dead" and I'm not saying it like it's a bad thing.

It's way better than I anticipated after so many less than ordinary horror movies in 2024.

If you must see a horror movie watch this one on date night.

Prepare yourself for "Ready or Not" on steroids...or imagine if the reality series "Traitors" was a horror film where the Faithful turn on the Traitors and each other...now you're getting the picture.

Welcome to the frontline of "Civil War".

The trailer promised a very different film to this feature length movie, which opens with a future President (Nick Offerman "Parks & Recreation") preparing to deliver an address to the nation.

His nation it turns out is a divided United States of America where part of the country has seceded leaving a Trump style leader in charge of a war torn country.

It's not like this hasn't happened before in Americas political history.

163 years ago the real American Civil War set the precedent when Republican Abraham Lincoln was elected president and southern states that supported slavery (Democrats) seceded to become Confederate States.

Kind of like State of Origin in the Australian NRL with State against State and mate against mate.

Where will you stand when the nation falls?

It's revealed in conversation during "Civil War's" nearly 2 hour runtime that the President is in his third term.

In the US Presidents are only allowed two terms maximum, so clearly something unconstitutional has happened within the Grand Old Party.

Next thing you know the smell of napalm in the morning is better than Old Spice when everything goes all "Apocalypse Now" with choppers, tanks and APC's taking over the streets and martial law is imposed.

The scary thing is this is not a fantasy movie!

The way things are shaping up Stateside what happened at a Capitol Hill a few years ago could go viral.

The soundtrack is incongruous and its director, writer Alex Garland ("Ex Machina" & "Annihilation") has his own political wheelbarrow to push.

Maybe as a bleak warning of what's around the corner, but it does feel a tiny bit preachy.

"Civil War" is essentially a road movie through the back roads of America and its towns on a journey to Washington DC with an SUV full of "Press" (journalists/photo journalists) Kirsten Dunsts spider senses must have been tingling as hardened media veteran "Lee" is embedded with troops from the breakaway Western Forces or WF.

She's accompanied by Wagner Moura "Joel", Cailee Spaeny "Jessie" and Stephen McKinley Henderson "Sammy" the older respected war correspondent.

"Civil War" is a dystopian future that's on the horizon and not science fiction if factions aren't fixed.

It would have been good if more of the real suffering of everyday citizens was shown instead of just displaced people in a graffiti stadium with food trucks which felt more like a music festival than an unnerving glimpse of the world in a few years time.

We also got a "Stepford Wives" glimpse of a small rural town.

The real gritty moments included one of best villain actors of this century Jesse Plemons as a rogue soldier and also the taking of the White House in the third act.

What I also liked: "Lee's" shift from hardened journo with a camera to a shell of her former self after some genuinely shocking scenes, while "Jessie" grew from a novice 23 year old to a veteran photographer during this campaign.

A24's most expensive movie to date "Civil War" gives you some insight into what war is like from the Press's perspective.

What it needed was more action and more epic you'd think $50 million would buy, but that's hardly a grocery trolley of food in 2024!

What the world needs right now is another one-person army movie.

Enter...not the Dragon, but "Monkey Man".

Or as some of us jokingly called it, "John Wick goes to India" or "John Wick In Mumbai".

Strap yourself in for just over 2 hours of action, thriller.

So long as you don't count the first 30 minutes which is more like a slow boat ride to China.

However once the action starts it doesn't stop.

If you don't include the recuperation scenes after the first god almighty fight scene which makes our part time underground MMA fighter "Monkey Man" into a true warrior ready for vengeance on the people who destroyed his childhood.

Dev Patel not only stars as the titular character, but also wrote the story, debuted as a feature film director , produced this film alongside horror icon Jordan Peele ("Get Out, "Nope") under his appropriately named Monkeypaw Productions and I'm sure he even had a crack at writing and singing the theme tune...just kidding!

Seriously though this is one ultra violent piece of cinema that needed Sharlto Copley ("District 9") for some light relief because Dev's "Kid" is one intently sombre dude.

He makes Keanu Reeves "John Wick" look like a stand up comedian.

Funnily enough Bruce Lee is an action movie hero of Patels and clearly a role model.

Also the influence of Korean cinema like "The Raid" had on Dev is evident throughout "Monkey Man".

This is a movie infused with a fair bit of Indian culture, including mythological tales, spirituality and a glimpse at the expanse between the haves and have nots, the displaced and the outcasts on the continent.(even though it was eventually filmed in Indonesia due to the Covid-19 pandemic).

Watch out for: The bathroom fight scene where Dev's co-star as The Chief of Police, Sikandar Kehr as "Randa", accidentally breaks Patel's hand as he whips him around like a rag doll.

The fight scene choreography is even more amazing when you realise Patel shot most of the movie one handed with the other one useless post surgery.

When it comes to martial arts Dev is the real deal having trained in Taekwondo since he was 10 years old and earning a 1st Dan black belt at just 16.

One small ember can burn down everything and "Kid" is the spark in "Monkey Man".

Dev Patel spent 8 years writing this film so the least we can do is enjoy his handiwork on the big screen in all its bloody and gory glory.

Damien's back!

"The First Omen" opens ominously with a nod to 70's cinema, but unfortunately there is not much horror in the first half of this film.

First time movie director Arkasha Stevenson needs to learn feature films are a game of 2 halves.

They try to deliver a thrilling mashup of horror tropes to give a classic story new life by focusing on the days before "Damien".

In "The First Omen" a young woman travels to Rome to become a Bride of Christ and in the process of some sleuth work discovers diabolical evil lurks in the church as she uncovers a terrifying conspiracy.

I guess if you haven't had your fill of nuns on the run after watching "Immaculate" (with a very similar storyline) then this might quench your hunger for big screen horror.

Personally it's all been done before and much better...even by the "Hammer Horror" genre.

Warning: MA rating in Australia and R stateside because of disturbing images and graphic nudity...apparently!

Nell Tiger Free ("Servant" on Apple +) is brilliant as "Margaret" the nun in training with a distressful back story and she's supported by Ralph Ineson, Charles Dance & Bill Nighy as Fathers and Cardinal respectively.

"The First Omen" is part of horror renaissance at the movies in 2024 with so many sinister, eerie, blockbuster books-fests to add to your watch list of coming attractions.

The film closes with a cool link to the OG movie, "The Omen".

A horror franchise that began in 1976 with the late great Gregory Peck, but it's not enough to save this version of prequel events from mediocrity.

Tim Smith's, Stevenson's and Keith Thomas's weak screenplay has a lot to answer for when you had the good bones of David Seltzer's original characters and Ben Jacoby's story to work from.

When a kaiju movie opens with an exotic scene and the sub-title "Somewhere in Middle Earth" you instantly know you're back on King Kong's turf after they transported him from Skull Island in the last Kong movie to this wonderland underground on our planet.

A place where sunshines inexplicably and lush jungles thrive with absolutely no photo-synthesis.

Yes it's bad science, but we forgive them when they say, "if middle earth exists what else don't we know about this planet?" A lot it would seem, most of it needing no justification whatsoever.

Unlike the previous film which concentrated on a few "Stranger Things" scenarios this one brings back plenty of Titans battling other titans and a few we've never met till now.

(No spoilers here, just watch the trailer)

It's been 3 years since "Godzilla vs. Kong" and in the meantime we've been forced to endure the TV series "Monarch: Legacy of Monsters", which was light on scary monsters and heavy on super creeps.

Our old favourite nuclear fusion Titan "Godzilla" has a new design with purple/pink-colored plates similar to "Godzilla Millennium".

Godzilla's atomic breath is now on volume eleven after a fight with another Titan that looked a hell of a lot like the one Kong fights in an earlier scene and both are aquatic, one fresh water, the other saltwater.

In the new list of Titans is a mini Kong named "Suko" and he's a nasty piece of work initially, but learns to love the King like audiences have since the 1930's.

In Japanese, it roughly translates to, "Essential Child." While Suko is also a Filipino word for "surrender." Go figure?

Meanwhile nice Kong is ageing well...growing out his beard and letting his hair down like a millennial hipster.

By the time the next Kong comes out he'll have a man bun and be looking for love on MAFS.

The release of "Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire" marks 10 years since this Godzilla universe hit the silver screen and it's also the 70th anniversary of the entire franchise.

Even I wasn't alive when this cinematic adventure started.

I find the problem with both Godzilla and King Kong in this era is they aren't the same terrifying monsters I grew up watching.

Last years Japanese "Godzilla Minus One" restored the post WW2 terror narrative, but it's been lost again in the latest Hollywood blockbuster which has turned them into cuddly toys.

Still the many Titans (not the Gold Coast NRL team) fight scenes are epic and the carnage they cause makes the structural damage from all the Marvel movies seem like petty cash.

Poor Spider-Man and the Avengers have nothing to worry about compared to what happens in London, Rome & Rio, South America.

For a moment there it was starting to sound like a David Bowie/Mick Jagger song about dancing in the street.

Watch out for: The B. E. A. S. T. Or Bio Enhanced Antatomech Seismic Thunder.

Fun Fact: The third Monsterverse film featuring Kong that filmed on the Gold Coast, in Australia, following "Kong: Skull Island" and "Godzilla vs. Kong".

This is the first MonsterVerse film to be shot in IMAX and it looks and sounds amazing!

Unfortunately the visual fx budget must have run low for some scenes that look like carry overs from 50's monster films while others are out of this world in detail.

Monarch are back giving giant corporations a bad name in a universe that's ever expanding with more monsters and less human stories, so what's not to like about that.

"The New Empire" will be box office number one over the Easter School Holidays with director Adam Wingard proving a good choice to bring back on board this franchise for another 2 hours of terrific Titans.

Firstly let me clear up any misconceptions.

"Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire" has no connection whatsoever with the "Frozen" franchise or the Australian band "Empire of the Sun".

"Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire" is dedicated to the late Ivan Reitman who died in 2022.

Ivan was original director of the first 2 movies and a genius who was desperately missed for the filming of this 2 hour train wreck.

Then again it's probably a good thing Ivan is not alive to see what's become of his legacy.

Gil Kenan ain't no Ivan or even his son Jason.

The Good News: Most of the original stars are back including co-creator Dan Aykroyd, Ernie Hudson ("Winston"), Annie Potts ("Janine Melnitz") and of course Bill Murray ("Peter Venkman").

Bill gets to deliver some of the most memorable & funny quotes, but his performance felt more dialled in and picking up a paycheque than his other normal low energy persona roles.

While Aykroyd is smiling all the way to the bank with his cheesy rebirth of "Ray Stantz".

However it's missing one of its biggest OG's.

Making it the first film in the Ghostbusters franchise original canon without Sigourney Weaver's character "Dana Barrett".

Unfortunately William Atherton is back as Mayor Walter Peck.

Giving us "Walters" another bad wrap...thanks for nothing Hollywood you've done it again to everyone bearing my Christian name.

Whilst watching this latest instalment in the franchise I was wondering the age old Beatles question.

Who will be the last original Ghostbuster standing when the dust settles?

I know my mind goes to dark places in the dark of Limelight Cinemas.

Even some of the OG ghosts make a reprised appearance including: Slimer and the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man.

"Frozen Empire" introduces some new ghouls including a tacky red lazer dot (like something you'd see on a guns scope) darting around and animating normally inanimate objects and some others I'm sure moviegoers would have liked to see escape their containment's in a disused "Aquarium" filmed in the UK.

The soundtrack is very light on with only a handful of songs and doesn't even include the Banarama track "Cruel Summer" featured in the trailer.

Plus the whole "scared to death" thing we were sold by the trailer doesn't even have any bearing on the finale fight scene with this movies tall, dark and horny villain who was an ancient, malevolence that was unleashed from an antiquity for a handful of dollars.

They do poke fun at Ray Parker Jnrs original hit song "Ghostbusters" in one scene with Paul Rudd which is one the few comic reliefs in an otherwise unfunny movie.

Kumail Nanjiani's "Nadeem" turns out to be a pivotal character, but even he can't save this movie.

Every film in this decade to conform to the norm features a same sex relationship and this cartoon like depiction of "Ghostbusters" is no exception.

This time around it's Emily Alyn Lind's "Melody" and the wonderfully talented McKenna Grace "Phoebe Spengler" hinting at a same sex relationship between 16 year old & 15 year old characters respectively.

They have great chemistry on screen.

Finn Wolfhard plays "Phoebes" brother "Trevor" again after his turn in "Ghostbusters: Afterlife" and in this movie he's out to prove he's an 18 year old adult, whereas in reality the "Stranger Things" star is now a 22 year old man.

I wonder just how long he can keep playing the goofy, awkward teenager card.

You know it's aimed at a teen, tween, primary school audience when normally foul mouthed comedian Patton Oswalt as "Dr. Hubert Wartzki" doesn't drop the F bomb, instead he says "fudge"!

FFS!

In fact, "Frozen Empire" feels very Disney'd down to the lowest common denominator just in time for the Easter school holidays.

Where it works particularly well are the visual FX, but the story doesn't really get all up in your face until almost an hour has passed.

The slow set up lets this film down enormously.

Plus there are too many things left unexplained, leaving the audience wondering WTAF?

For starters suddenly new Proton Backpacks appear in a high tech truck before battle time.

Who remembers the old ones that looked like vacuum cleaners strapped on?

I remember when this franchise launched I was working on Sydney Radio at 2 DAY FM and the first ever pop up shop was a "Ghostbusters" store loaded with cool merch for this brand new film.

Fast forward 40 years and here we are putting trainer wheels on these films to appease the younger crowds, at the risk of losing barnacles like myself who've been clinging to this sinking ship for a lifetime.

I've been coming back to this well since 1984 when Bob Hawke was Australia's Prime Minister and Reaganomics ruled in the US and dog nabbit I'll keep coming back 'cos I'm obviously a sucker for punishment.

Get thee away from this nunnery!

In the new horror film, "Immaculate" there will be blood and lots of it and some of it human blood.

Sydney Sweeney's career is back on track after her disastrous turn in Marvel's "Madame Web".

As nubile, innocent nun, Sister Cecelia, she takes an oath of poverty, obedience and chastity.

Well as Meatloaf sang, "2 out of the 3 ain't bad." Sydney had so much faith in this movie succeeding she also produced "Immaculate" as her star rises.

Her character struggles with an innocent desire to serve the triumvirate, whilst also looking for somewhere to fit in and give her life real purpose.

Her vow to God and the Roman Catholic Church in this seemingly idyllic remote gated Italian community helps her find herself after an emotional incident from her traumatic childhood.

"Immaculate" has an old school 70's vibe to it in a good way like "The Omen", yet it's NOT a film about the paranormal.

Instead it's about good old fashioned faith and faith in science, but not Scientology.

A big shout out to Director Michael Mohan who plays out the intriguing story in a slow, deliberately delicious burn leaving plenty of crumbs to help you connect the dots by the third horrifying act.

"Immaculate" is a classic case of a successful film because it follows a few simple rules: good casting, engaging storytelling and tight direction with a refreshingly new tale and not a rehashed, tired Hollywood idea.

It will have its work cut out over the Easter Holiday Blockbuster season against "Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire" and "Godzilla X Kong: The New Empire".

Both of those huge budget movies prove my point though that Tinseltown is bereft of new ideas and keeps riffing on decades old characters.

Instead "Immaculate" it's a brand spanking fresh off the mint script by writer Andrew Lobel with plenty of jump scares for horror fans, but not all predictable ones.

It's a modern gothic horror, thriller that makes you squirm in your cinema seat and force you to look away occasionally with both the things seen and unseen on the screen in a place that houses dark, medieval, terrifying secrets and I'm not referring to the Candy Bar.

One of my all time favourite actors the legendary Michael Caine is not "blowing the bloody doors off" anything in "The Great Escaper" as "Bernard Jordan".

His book "Blowing The Bloody Doors Off and Other Lessons In Life" is one of the best reference guides for actors, including us Voice Actors and one of the best lines from "The Italian Job".

While not all his movies are gems this one really is and proves it's not just another payday before announcing his retirement from the noble art in 2023.

"Bernard" is the "The Great Escaper" based on a true story that's title came from the Steve McQueen movie "The Great Escape".

Sadly his co-star Glenda Jackson as his on screen wife "Irene" did not live to see this film in cinemas...passing at age 87 in June last year.

Making "The Great Escaper" her final film.

Thankfully she was recognised in the 2024 Memorial at the Academy Awards.

The woman who plays young "Irene", Laura Marcus, is brilliantly cast.

Glenda and Michael worked together on "The Romantic Englishwoman"in 1975.

Watch out for: "The Holy Hour" otherwise known as "The Magic Hour" by filmmakers.

Also a moving scene with the Germans in a French pub and a young actor, Victor Oshin, as another veteran from modern conflicts "Scott" who's battling his own demons.

The flick is based on a true story from 2014 and follows "Bernard's" journey as he absconds from his retirement home by the sea in the UK to experience at the 70th anniversary of D Day Landings in France that was also attended by the late Queen Elizabeth the second and former US President Barack Obama.

The Landings still haunt him to this day.

It features flashbacks to World War 2 in the 40's and while not glorifying war it does glorify a love story that lasted over 70 years.

It's a beautifully written script from William Ivory and under the guiding hand of Director Oliver Parker it's close to perfection.

Cain delivers one of the best performances of his career as the 90 year old coffin dodger "Bernard".

Sir Michaels longtime acting friend since the 1950's Sir John Standing, was personally chosen by him for the role of a fellow veteran from the RAF as "Arthur".

This is what old age looks like and there's no escaping that for most of us...embrace it, every wrinkle, silver hair, ailment, ache and pill.

Take your Kleenex tissues with you because salt water will well in your eyes.

"The Great Escaper" is one of those wonderful movies only the British are capable of producing.

Thanks to all those who served their country for our freedom.

I salute you!

In the latest horror movie from Blumhouse, "Imaginary", you have the chance to meet Chauncey, the not so fun loving bear.

As the producers say: "He's not imaginary and he's not your friend." I've been keenly anticipating this films release because the trailer intrigued me.

Imaginary friends is something very relatable for most people either as part of their childhood, a siblings or their own children, grandchildren etc.

In other words we've all known someone who's come through this grist mill and out the otherside.

So, what if the imaginary friend was not as amicable as you'd think, now we have the premise for great Brisbane Horror Movie Events, but sadly we don't, not even close.

Writer, Director Jeff Wadlow has given us so many nightmares in the past with his other creations, however this ain't one of my 99 problems.

When they finally reveal who "See Bee" is it should be terrifying and instead it's like "Five Night's At Freddy's" & " Megan's" creators lame, big hairy, "Chauncey" Beast with very sharp teeth and claws.

As soon as I learned puppeteers were involved my pulse rate dropped.

Not exactly enough to instil fear in most adults.

To be fair the movie is aimed more at a teen/tween audience with it's "M" rating in Australia.

Talking to randoms in the lift after this advance screening we all felt the same...a bit let down because it's no "Talk To Me"!

Having said that you still don't want creepy bears laying around your house or are they?

In "Imaginary" a woman of colour (DeWanda Wise as "Jessica") returns to her childhood home that really needs the walls painted to get rid of her so-called art to discover that the imaginary friend she left behind "Chauncey Bear" is very real and unhappy that she abandoned him.

Tom Payne as hipster pop star husband "Max" is wasted and only used in a few scenes.

Betty Buckley as the creepy old neighbour "Gloria" is fairly predictable.

Pyper Braun as "Alice", "Jessica's" young step daughter is a find, while Taegen Burns" as "Taylor" the other step daughter is such a cookie cutter teenage angst character.

Poor Samuel Salary as "Jessica's" mentally ill father is not earning his salary with his whites of his eyes rolling trickery.

While Matthew Sato as teenage next door neighbour "Liam" is a punk ass weak character.

I know what you're thinking I've got to stop holding back and write what i'm really thinking.

It's a concept that could and should have been more terrifying than Freddy Kruger's Nightmares.

If "Poltergeist" really was an influence on Wadlow's latest flick then it sadly doesn't show on the big screen.

From the producer of "IT" comes "Baghead".

That should be a red flag in itself when filmmakers have to ride on the coat tails of previous successes.

Freya Allan as "Iris Lark" inherits a property that comes with a special tenant who lives in the basement, a shape shifting creature wearing a hessian bag over its head (hence the movies title) who's spiritually tied to the Queens Head Pub.

Only problem with the dilapidated Pub is you can't escape this place or "Baghead".

Kind of like an Eagles song about a certain Hotel in California.

If your name is on the title deed you become the guardian of this ghoul and have some control over her so long as you play by the rules of the game.

If not there will be consequences.

Here's the deal: A long dead witch burned at the stake gives you 2 minutes to talk to your dead friends/lovers etc as it transforms into them by eating one of the deceased loved ones prized possessions...exceed that time limit and the guardian loses control over "Baghead".

Anne Muller as "Baghead" is well known for her weird film choices including "Babylon Berlin".

You are the one thing that stands between "Baghead" escaping into the outside world.

Question is will the curse end with "Iris Lark".

Her father "Owen Lark" (Peter Mullan "Ozark") the previous owner of the haunted pub thought it would end with him, but he became more cremated than a Tesla owner after a run in with "Baghead".

Director Alberto Corredors' "Baghead" should have remained an award winning short, fantasy, horror which would have been right at home in "Guillermo del Toro's Cabinet of Curiosities" on Netflix instead of a feature film.

I say that because it runs out of oxygen after an hour, even though it feels fresh, it's not fully fleshed out. (pardon the pun) Despite this movie attracting some real talent to the project including Ned Dennehy as "Solicitor" and Saffron Burrows as "Catherine", "Iris" mother.

Granted its a Horror Movie and this M rated picture may freak some people out.

After all if you talk to the dead you must pay the price.

Dakota Johnson as "Madame Web" is fifty shades of beige!

Let's face it so is the whole movie.

The average rating on IMDb is 3.8 after nearly 20,000 views.

This in itself should be a huge red flag to Sony not to make a sequel to this stinking pile of excrement.

US Actress Sydney Sweeney must be regretting her decision to sign on for this project as "Julia" considering her acting career was on a huge trajectory with the success of Australia's second highest grossing romcom ever "Anyone But You" which is box office gold...see it instead.

First time director S. J. Clarkson should have stuck to directing TV series it seems more her jam.

Meanwhile the team of writers including Clarkson need to go back to attending Creative Writing Workshops or avoid using AI programmes in future screenplays.

Meanwhile Emma Roberts is playing "Mary Parker" mum to be of "Peter Parker".

That name ring any bells in the Spider Verse?

Her on screen brother "Ben Parker" is Adam Scott ("Parks & Recreation") who'd be ideally suited to impersonate Alan Alder (because of his voice) if they ever make another M. A. S. H. movie or his biopic.

Talking voices the Archetypal villain of this project "Ezekiel Sims" (Tatar Rahim) must have had his speech dubbed in post production or it's just annoyingly distracting.

The movie is very loosely based on the Marvel comic "The Book of Ezekiel".

Mike Epps is wasted as Paramedic "O'Neil" and used in only 2 scenes.

Don't expect to see Spider-Man either.

It is the fourth overall film of Sony's Spider-Man Universe movies without Spider-Man following Venom, Venom: Let There Be Carnage and Morbius.

BTW Product placement is at an all time high with the Neon Pepsi Sign in the final act.

Dumb Stuff: 1. How can you drive around New York in a stolen Yellow Cab with no number plates and a smashed up front end and still not attract one of NYPD's finest to book you?

2. Where did the Forest/Jungle near a Retro NY Diner come from?

3. Why does the Peruvian Jungle look like Mexico with fake signage?

4. 3 Teens are abducted and willingly go along with Madame Web "Cassandra Webb" (Dakota) because she demonstrates signs of clairvoyance.

Things can only get better right?

Wrong!

I smell what you're stepping in.

Madame Web" is one of the lowest grossing Marvel Studios movie ever.

Here's hoping the new "Deadpool & Wolverine" movie can save this company's nose dive in 2024.

After all "Deadpool" is the self proclaimed "Messiah or Marvel Jesus".

It's such a shame that "Madame Web" was the first film to use the Columbia Pictures 100th anniversary opening logo to celebrate the studio's centennial anniversary.

This once great film company of course was swallowed up by the corporate giant Sony.

"Madame Web" is 80 million dollars the Sony big wigs will have to write off their books in 2024.

According to the movie's tagline "Madame Web" connects them all.

If Web really had the powers of clairvoyance, she should have seen this coming.

God help this franchise.

Bob Marley died at the tender age of just 36 from a rare skin cancer, but his legacy lives on some 43 years later not only in his music, also this new biopic, "Bob Marley: One Love" in cinemas now.

Not only was "One Love" one of Marley's biggest hit singles it also helps sum up his Rastafarian philosophy on life, love and peace.

These are subjects that form the basis of this movie that starts from his early years through to his death in 1981.

A defining figure in modern Ethiopian history, The Emperor of Ethiopia, Haile Selassie, and key figure of the religious movement, Rastafari, is given more than a passing nod because of his deep influence on Marley's belief system, which is reflected in his lyrics and music.

This film is loaded with flashbacks that give us an insight into his past experiences with his mother and faceless white father, his early days in Trench Town, Jamaica, to his first recording session.

"One Love" is the story of how Marley overcame his adversity, including poverty to become a Superstar in the mid to late 70's.

It tracks his musical journey from obscurity to the world stage and the revolutionary power of his music to unite his people during one of most tumultuous & violent political times in Jamaican history.

Everything is on the table including the assassination attempt on his life in his own home, his wife & family (most of whom share some credits for this project), his infidelities, plus his band and musical process.

Kingsley Ben-Adir ("Barbie") as "Bob" proves he is Kenough to play the lead role as is Lashana Lynch as "Rita Marley".

Lynch only broke her Jamaican accent once over nearly two hours to reveal her true British voice.

In fact, if I have one serious complaint it's that the Jamaican accents are so damn good it's often difficult to understand what they are saying.

Don't get me wrong I don't like cricket, I love it, however when Jamaican commentators talk during the game I struggle to hear a word.

The same goes for this film and its such a beautiful, rhythmical accent that I could listen all day man, I & I.

Thank goodness for the music when the dialogue leaves something to be desired.

Reggae is the people's music after all, coming together to celebrate one another.

Kingsley was so committed to his character he learned all the songs he has to perform live in recording studios and in concert, even though they are dubbed by the real Marley its adds to the authenticity.

The late Wailer Neville Garrick even offered his own personal experiences of songwriting with Marley as a consultant on this movie.

"Bob's" son "Ziggy" Marley produced this movie as a tribute to his dad to share their special relationship, while director Reinaldo Marcus Green ("Kings Richard") is faithful to this legendary singers life story.

The movie was mostly shot in Kingston, Jamaica and it is visually stunning on the beaches and on Strawberry Hill.

James Norton plays Island record's boss "Chris Blackwell" who was crucial to the success of Marley's career.

If you share Time Magazine's appreciation of "Exodus" as one of the greatest albums of the 20th Century then you are going to love watching it being created in London.

Bob Marley fans will be moved by "One Love"...a film that avoided the trap of being a Jukebox musical by sensitively sharing more of his lesser known hits and their organic creation until the closing credits.

It was a beautiful story just waiting to be told by the right people and in the most part it was with some clever editing and screenplay.

The attention to period detail is impressive even down to the Orange amplifiers and Neumann U87 microphones in the London recording studio and cover artwork for "Exodus".

Let's get together and feel alright by watching "Bob Marley: One Love" on the big screen.

Who doesn't love a good mystery/thriller movie?

Personally I'm a big fan and have watch lists for this very genre on various streaming services to last me till the Zombie Apocalypse is over and we can all crawl out of our bunkers again and drive Mad Max style into the dusty distance.

It's kind of ironic that the sequel to "The Dry" is called "Force Of Nature: The Dry 2" when it's set in a wet forest and the biggest hindrance to a search and recovery operation is a huge storm cell.

As one of the production companies involved in the making of this project "Made Up Stories" likes to say, "Tell Me A Story".

Okay, Five women head out on a remote hiking retreat but only four return, each telling a different story.

The whistle blower/insider is missing and if they don't find her quickly, presumed dead!

There are more suspects than children at a Wiggles concert.

Detective Aaron Falk (Eric Bana: affectionately known as Poida by most Aussies) must find out what really happened before time runs out and the rains come ma.

Eric reprises his role to star alongside fresh characters in "Force of Nature" played by Anna Torv ("Newsreaders"), Deborah-Lee Furness, Jacqueline McKenzie, Richard Roxburgh and others.

Robert Connolly is back in his Director Chair and although this is not truly a sequel with no connection to the original it is the second chapter from a series of books authored by Jane Harper (who must be laughing all the way to the bank) her follow up novel to the original story "The Dry".

Honestly they should have dropped "Dry" from the title, but at least people remember that wonderful film that punched above its weight.

Filming for this movie traveled away from rural Victoria into rugged, dangerous Dandenong Ranges National Park (The Basin) in Australia in 2022, but its release was delayed by 5 months due to the SAG-AFTRA strike.

Unfortunately this film is not the force of nature I was hoping for after the massive success with both critics and movie goers of "The Dry".

I even burst out laughing during what was meant to be a climatic serious waterfall scene...I know I'm a sick puppy...tell my therapist.

"Force of Nature" is hobbled by a pedestrian, convoluted plot with 3 layers that gets too busy with messy results, but it does get some brownie points for beautiful cinematography, editing & haunting soundtrack.

The acting felt dialled in/paint by numbers with certain people (I'm looking at you McKenzie, who is normally great) and the script/screenplay just got lost in translation and felt wooden and predictable.

Don't even get me started on Falks backstory and history with this mountain range that tried to pull at the heart strings, but lacked the mystery of the original.

As for the "serial killer" subplot it just fizzled and fell flat like a bottle of champagne left uncorked overnight.

"Force Of Nature: The Dry 2" tried to be all "Picnic At Hanging Rock" in a 21st century woke women's retreat way and missed the mark to get lost in the forest for the trees.

Full disclosure I will watch any movie Sam Rockwell ("Aidan") is in, because he has great comedic timing and more depth than a Shakespearean actor.

He stars in Director Matthew Vaughn's spy-themed universe (through his Marv Studios) in what starts off as good, goofy fun, change of pace from Vaughn's usual R-rated "Kick-Ass" and "Layer Cake."

Vaughn himself says he wanted to make a movie his young daughters could see...sure they could watch it, doesn't mean they'll understand this Bond on LSD inspired flick.

Vaughn is all about this universe being interconnected and comprising the "Kingsman" franchise with the Argylle films, and an unnamed third franchise...apparently.

It is a bloated movie that can be exhausting to keep pace with.

"Argylle" has enough enjoyable moments to help you forget it's messy and mostly good fun.

Vaughn cast Henry Cavill as "Argylle" because he needed someone who was born to play James Bond.

Cavill was a finalist to play "Bond" in Casino Royale (2006), but was rejected for being too young (22 at the time).

This is in fact Henry Cavill's Fourth spy film.

The other three are: The Cold Light of Day (2012), The Man from U. N. C. L. E. (2015) and Mission: Impossible - Fallout (2018).

Even the Director describes this movie as his ode to 1980s action movies like "Die Hard" (1988) and "Lethal Weapon" (1987), with plenty of "Bond" sub flooring.

Bryce Dallas Howard as fiction author "Elly Conway" named Taylor Swift as an inspiration for her character.

Howard's reasoning?, "She is a cat lady. She's got this awesome backpack with a cat in it that she walks around with. She loves a good argyle sweater, and there is a sort of unapologetic dorkiness about her."

No argument from this critic.

"Alfie" the Cat is played by Chip, actually owned by Matthew Vaughn's wife Supermodel Claudia Schiffer.

If she'd married one of the "Thunderbirds" instead she could have become Claudia Schiffer-Brains. (Couldn't resist the bad dad joke.)

The cast features two Oscar winners in Rockwell and the first Queer woman of colour to receive the statue in an acting category ("West Side Story") Ariana DeBose.

It also has two Oscar nominees in Samuel L. Jackson and Bryan Cranston.

Remember Samuel L. Jackson starred as the sociopathic villain "Valentine" in Matthew Vaughn's spy movie: "Kingsman: The Secret Service" (2014).

The star studded cast also includes Richard E. Grant, whom I follow on Twitter because he's such a talented human being, Singer Dua Lipa as "Lagrange" (a tribute to rockers ZZ Top) and Catherine O'Hara ("Home Alone" and "Schitt's Creek")

Just for the record "Argylle" is named after the argyle diamond design that originated in Scotland and features strongly in the credits and the movies poster.

Coming in at around $200 million, this is Matthew Vaughn's most expensive film, and the most expensive film produced by Apple, tied with Killers of the Flower Moon (2023).

What have I learned from "Argylle"?

"Vascular Corridor" is a real thing and you don't want to get it wrong!

Watch out for:

The train sequence (strongly influenced by "Bullet Train"), the Mini-Moke Californian chase scene, plus the ice skating on oil scene and the very colourful corridor smoke bomb shoot out.

"Argylle" has lots of moving parts.

The recently released found Beatles song, "Now & Then" features heavily and sits well in the soundtrack along with another track during the closing credits that would be right at home in "Skyfall".

Just like the evergreen stage production Agatha Christie's "Mousetrap" once you know the secret don't let the cat out of the bag.

"Argylle" has more twists than a packet of "Twisties" (a cheddar flavoured snack from Smiths)...because life's pretty straight without Twisties.

As they say so often in this movie, "The greater the spy the greater the lie" and I'd be lying if I said this was Matthew Vaughn's finest hour, because it's not, but it is an entertaining, laughter filled way to spend over 2 hours at the cinema.

Stay for: "Argylle's" post-credits scene which is a neon sign pointing directly to Vaughn's massively popular series of Kingsman films.

Cast your mind back to the 1977 Peter Sellers comedy "Being There".

"Fool's Paradise" is a modern 2023 take on the premise of an idiot savant whose life is just one happy and some not so happy accidents/incidents one after another over which he has no control.

Charlie Day creator of the highly original and hugely successful "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" TV Series (which had a run of over a decade) Directed, Wrote and Stars as the lead "Latte Pronto".

He's released from a mental health facility because sadly the Government won't fund his treatment.

Fortunately for "Latte" he's a dead ringer for method actor "Sir Tom Bingsley" who dies in a similar way to INXS Michael Hutchense.

Ken Jeong in one of his least annoying roles as publicist "Lenny" helps "Latte" become a big Hollywood star.

"Fool's Paradise" is a comment on fame, power and money through the eyes of a harmless, simpleton.

"Latte" is surrounded by sycophantic enablers, co-stars, action heroes, mad British directors and powerful people in cinema and politics.

Even the Illuminati get the sharp sword of Charlie's pen.

The line up of Hollywood celebrities is nothing short of impressive including: the late Ray Liotta, Kate Beckinsale, Jason Sudekis, Eddie Falco, Jason Bateman and Common.

Fun Fact: "Latte" only speaks four words in this entire 98 minute movie. And they are the most important words any human ever wants to hear from a fellow friend.

Picture a short, bearded "Kramer" from "Seinfeld who's mostly mute and you've got this quirky character "Latte Pronto".

It's not a laugh out loud comedy, but it will make you think maybe words are overrated and true friendship is what makes you rich.

Streaming on Prime Video.

Rated M for some nudity and language.

2015 must have been a slow year at Cannes for "The Lobster" to win the Jury Prize.

When I review a movie I base it on 10 basic elements for a point score and this one only ticked 2 of the boxes...the IT factor (definitely one of a kind not in a good way) and Acting (the characters and performance although they are weird).

"The Lobster" starring Colin Farrell as "Dave" and Rachel Weisz (Narrator and as "The Short Sighted Woman" (who finally makes an appearance half way through this 2 hour marathon of filmmaking that tested my cerebral endurance) are supported by a slew of well known faces from Film & TV including John C. Reilly, Ben Whishaw, Academy Award Winner Olivia Colman & French actor Lea Seydoux as the sadistic leader of "The Loners" who live in a forest.

"The Lobster" comes from the warped mind of Director Yorgos Lanthimos ("Alps" and "Dogtooth").

In this absurd, abstract so called comedy Yorgs satirises love, romance, couples, marriage in a dystopian near future.

It's meant to be a comment on the sacrifices we make for our loved ones.

In this world, single citizens are sent to a Hotel where they have 45 days to pair off with a mate or be turned into the animal of their choosing.

That could be anything from a Dog to a Donkey although the process remains a mystery with only theoretical possibilities discussed.

"David" chooses a Lobster.

I've seen some messed up movies over the decades, but this one is up in the WTAF? Category.

If you are searching for Drama and Romance give this MA15 movie a wide berth.

2/10*

Ever since I was a child I've loved Wrestling...so imagine my surprise when I heard there was a motion picture loosely based on one of the greatest wrestling families in the world.

Unfortunately it wasn't all I hoped it would be.

Imagine "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story" was a parody about wrestling instead of music and you'd have the pitch for "The Iron Claw".

Throughout the whole movie I expected to hear Fritz Von Erich played by Holt McCallany (the Patriarch of the family) utter the line, "The wrong kid died!"

Director Sean Durkin set out to create a serious biopic, drama, sports movie about a famous wrestling family dynasty that was inducted into wrestling's hall of fame in 2009.

Durkin assembled an amazing cast, including Lily James as "Kevin's wife Pam and Maura Tierney as Doris Von Erich (the matriarch).

So, what went wrong?

Answer: the script and storyline also written by Durkin.

It's clunky, awkward, and funny when it shouldn't be, but it has moments that will genuinely move, inspire and shock you.

Just not enough over 2 hours and 12 minutes to engage you during a messy journey that spans decades.

Zac Efron as the second eldest brother Kevin" believes the family is cursed...mostly from a lack of height.

Zac's character is meant to be 6 foot 2, but the reality is about 6 inches shorter.

"Shameless" and "The Bear" star Jeremy Allen White also fell into the trap of signing up for this flick as brother "Kerry" a once promising Olympian turned Pro Wrestler after the USA embargo of the Russian games ruined his chances of a medal.

Don't get me started on the wigs the brothers wore.

Zac looks like Mickey Rourke after bad plastic surgery.

While Harris Dickinson as "David" resembles "Napoleon Dynamite" which would NOT instil fear in other wrestlers.

The only thing missing is a "Vote Pedro" tee shirt!

When you make a biopic you'd think it'd be compulsory to include all the sons.

However, "Chris Von Erich", the youngest brother, who died by suicide (gunshot) in 1991 at 21 years of age, but didn't make the cut for reasons known only to the makers of this film.

He should have been included because it would have reinforced the alleged "Von Erich curse".

The story of the Von Erich family is tragic and in better hands could have been dynamic.

The movie plays out like an attempt at Greek mythology including people ferried to the afterlife and having to pay the boatman Charon for passage.

"The Iron Claw" has almost as high a body count as a Jason Statham action movie, minus the action.

By the way "The Iron Claw" is a reference to a famous wrestling move from the Von Trapp family...sorry I meant Von Erich.

"The Iron Claw" should be the tragic tale of the Von Erich family and their legacy to professional wrestling, not the spoof it felt like on the big screen.

The wrestling scenes are great and maybe that's enough to save it for us true fans of the sport.

Jason Statham must be getting old because he kept his shirt on for the entire film, still he's in better shape than most of us 56 year olds, but he'd have to be for the gruelling schedule of stunts & fight scenes for "The Beekeeper".

If you think this a film about a mild mannered Apiarist think again.

The Beekeepers are in fact a deadly group of assassins whose sole existence is devoted to keeping order in society, just like some drone bees.

It's time to expose the corruption that goes right to the Queen Bee and protect the hive.

Jason plays a retired one who's pissed off!

The worst kind of Beekeeper, because his face is the last thing you'll ever see.

"The Beekeeper" is a brutal movie that draws this 5' 10" fighting machine "Adam Clay" (similar to the name of the bassist from U2) out of retirement after a kindly neighbour loses millions to unscrupulous internet fraudsters.

The neighbour is briefly played by Phylicia Rashad (famously Bill Colby's TV wife).

While I'm name dropping...Oscar Winner Jeremy Irons unbelievably signed on to top up his Superannuation, Josh Hutcherson (The Hunger Games) is his evil son, Jemma Redgrave (acting dynasty) is Irons ex & Minnie Driver as a CIA Director all collect paycheques from "The Beekeeper".

English actor Taylor James adopts a cocky over the top South African accent to play legless mercenary, "Lazarus".

Was Andy Serkis not available?

Remember his white SA accent in "Black Panther" as Ulysses Klaue.

Goof: you see the parachute when a criminal fraudster is sent flying off a bridge chained to a pick up truck.

Warning: the final chapter of this adventure movie hit 95 decibels (just 10 minutes at this level can cause temporary healing loss)

Director David Ayer ("Bright", "Suicide Squad") keeps the action coming fast and strong in this Brain Dead movie...and let's face it sometimes you need a movie where very little thinking, logic, or reasoning is involved and "The Beekeeper" falls into this category.

The hackneyed, predictable, cliche laden script helps the comatose movie goer deal with the unrealistic ultra violence on screen.

Grab a tub of popcorn, a tall drink and kickback for nearly 2 hours of vengeance when Statham goes full "John Wick", "Equalizer" & and hint of James Bond.

"Adam" is here to chew gum and kick butt...and he's all outta gum.

If you like one man army flicks with corny bee related references trickling all over a sticky script then this action, thriller is a keeper.