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Klaus (2019)
The cliches bring down the occasional brilliance and turn the movie into mediocrity
The quirks, the wits, and the clear self-awareness in writing carry the movie a long way, but the massive amount of cliches and shameless use of one-dimensional "bad guys" in the narrative made the work seem less genuine than it otherwise could have been. The brilliant reflections that characters go thru during the run are surprisingly well-planned and executed, but then again, those overly gimmicky tropes in the plot make it seem like the writer was talented enough to avoid them and create something more original and sincere, but just decided not to. Very weird decisions were made here and I cannot fully approve them. An okay movie but nothing more.
The Witcher (2019)
The Hexer (2001), IMDb score 3,50, also mimicing Witcher, was better than this garbage
This series it the epitome of B class. Terrible acting, hideous characters, soulless dialogue that doesn't even moderately look like seriously written, cancerous story, dreadfully slow pacing, dull directing and editing, sloppy cgi, nonexistent world building, lacking any atmosphere, being less loyal to its own settings than Harry Potter movies and the action consists of filler-ish fights. The list goes own. The Witcher is an incredibly awful tv series that does 99% wrong and 1% right. I don't believe any of these positive reviews are genuine or sincerely written. I refuse to believe anyone in their right mind would praise a show that could as well be used as an example of how to not make tv. Avoid at any cost.
Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018)
What about the crimes against Grindelwald?
This movie is an ideological preach. Grindelwald is tortured by the government because he has different political views. He wants to be cautious and save the wizard race from the wars of humans before it's too late, but apparently that's not cool because, despite humans being trashy, the ministry of magic wants to maintain the illusion of a happy world where everyone, despite their magical abilities, is under a totalitarian equality rule a la liberals. Albus Dumbledore is also gay in this movie.
X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019)
Garbage spiced with feminist propaganda
"Charles, you should change the name from X-Men to X-Women because we're the ones who do all the work." -One of the female X-me.... oh sorry, X-Women
Yet the entire plot line is about one of the Female X- W O M E N going on rampage after becoming the strongest X-Women ever because she can't control her emotions and has daddy issues. Literally.
The entire movie is about overpowered Mary Sue killing her friends and having godly powers which she uses like a total bimbo until the day is saved thanks to the power of friendship. Watching this movie is like watching a generic anime series that has been directed by a melodramatic feminist.
If you're sucker for Mary Sues and overpowered characters, then this movie is worth it for you if you don't care anything about anything else because from most common factors from directing to acting and story writing which define quality suck major ass.
Behind the Curve (2018)
Very interesting capture of the psychology behind this phenomenon
Basically flat earthers are just bunch of people who want to feel important and feel like they are part of something, something that unites them with other people. It's unfortunate that such biased and unaware people have to question factual information and challenge science with their fanfiction just to find a hobby and feel unalone, but it also shows us how raw humans function in this society where anything might as well be a conspiracy due to us living in an illogical clown world where more things are wrong than right. It's very important to note that all of this exists due to the faults of our societies where nihilism is the new way because old ways have left so many people down.
Overall, important documentary to watch and I specifically recommend this to religious people and other herd-mentality supporters who have yet to discover any layers of nihilism and become self-aware of their own faults. Watch this and start questioning your own beliefs because they might as well be even more problematic than flat-earthers'. Don't judge them, many people are exactly like this whole bunch without even realizing it, without being criticized and getting spit on because your "beliefs" are mainstream and supported by consensus. That's one thing these flat earthers got right. Just because majority believe in something doesn't mean it's true.
Alita: Battle Angel (2019)
Pointless, mindless entertainment
Enjoyment 5/10: Partially bit too much to take, otherwise decent entertainment value.
Script 2/10: Unfinished movie. Packed full of content, yet there is hardly any substance. Cliche romance story about teenagers who fight against the baddies. Nothing more, nothing less.
Characters 3/10: Inconsistent characters. Villains don't have personalities. They just fight or otherwise exist so that our main characters have reason to exist. Alita is generic teenager. Love interest is a combination of cringe and your typical teenage girl's crush. Majority of characters don't think or follow any logic, their decisions are just tools to move the plot towards preferred direction.
Visuals 6/10: Without a doubt the strongest part. Unique world is captured well in camera. Fight scenes are decent, same with the overall design.
Sounds 5/10: Nothing special. Nothing stands out. Follows the average audio that everyone expects from modern movies.
Acting 5/10: Pretty much the exact same as with sounds. Decent cast picks, but no one shines above the rest with their acting or persona.
Overall, those who have any capabilities for critical thinking and come with some type of standards won't find many praise-worthy things from this movie. It's watchable but seriously lacking flick and clearly below average quality movie due to its poor characterization and script which practically anyone who has even mildly functioning brain could have written. 4/10.
Leave No Trace (2018)
This is the type of garbage that is killing the film industry.
Leave No Trace doesn't leave a trace, only a strong feeling of frustration with its pseudo-artistic, over-the-top subtlety that has nothing to say.
The film itself is empty and shallow. It entirely relies on viewer's self-insert and imagination since the creators of this work didn't explain anything. All they offer are a collection of random and improbable story events without development of any sort. All it does is raise questions without answering to any of them.
This is the type of movie that is so superficial and bland that shallow minds will confuse it for something like "brilliance" and "unique". These people are not realistic at all, rather fake. If you take this movie for what it is instead of using your own imagination and pretending you just saw something outstanding, what we have at hand is something that's very close to being unwatchable in terms of quality. Do not let these pretenders fool you and just skip this movie.
Game of Thrones: The Iron Throne (2019)
Ironic masterpiece! Absolute brilliant piece of comedy gold.
I haven't laughed this hard since that scene in Trailer Park Boys where Ricky is supposed to attach a towel holder in the bathroom wall but accidentally ends up destroying the entire house. Only this time around it's D&D and they destroy an entire show! Self-parody at its finest. Bravo, Nolan!
Game of Thrones: The Bells (2019)
About time normos start admitting this isn't acceptable.
There is no depth story-wise nor character-wise. The entire thing is just a chaotic mess at this point. Honestly, the memes are better thought out than the series.
Game of Thrones: The Last of the Starks (2019)
Game of Soap Operas
Cheesy relationship drama and utter mediocrity. Average fan could have written a better final season than D&D did.
Game of Thrones: The Long Night (2019)
When your army functions like feminists think
The good part? It's dark and the hellish snow blizzard blocks the view so you don't see as clearly how awful it looks. Too bad the writing is still there. Who needs logic when you have dragons, amirite.
The Haunting of Hill House (2018)
Expected horror, got a melodrama about drug users and family life filled with lesbian sex
Series about as scary as a box full of unicorn toys. Characters so uninteresting I started rooting for the horror elements that were nonexistent to begin with. Every "horror" scene is just a cop-out. People wake from sleep, run away from the nasty things or just wait for the sounds to disappear. It got old already in the first episode and somehow the series just managed to go for worse and worse towards the end because apparently, the point was not the horror but how the horror side affects the daily lives of our cast and how it makes them live inside this cheesy melodrama where every new event is more try-hard sad and deep than the former.
Yoru wa mijikashi aruke yo otome (2017)
It bored me
Yuasa Masaaki is either losing his touch or I have gotten tired of his never- changing style.
I admit I was never a fan of Kemonozume, but I liked his other series such as Yojouhan Shinwa Taikei, Kaiba and Ping Pong The Animation. His movie "Mind Game" didn't really impress me, but was still nearly as memorable as any of the other titles I have just now mentioned -even Kemonozume- and surely better than Yoru wa mijikashi (AKA this movie I am reviewing). And yes, I have seen everything he has ever done and speak as a person whose favorite series from 2010 used to be The Tatami Galaxy, I put it even above Katanagatari in ranking, and that year is still considered the best year for anime by many connoisseurs.
Yoru wa mijikashi reminds me of his short animated films. Or rather a collection of those. The movie is a mess, rushed, random and build illogical. Half the time it feels like he is trying to copy Satoshi Kon's (RIP) screen transitions (and failing miserably) and half the time it feels like he tries extremely hard to be original so he would get rank #2 as the most meme anime director after Shinbou Akiyuki. Also failing this miserably. Because of this, I already know this will be his least memorable work for me. Other than the dancing and drinking challenge scenes, I can't say I was left for many other moments to think back to.
I guess part of the reason why I can't even call this movie average is how it copies The Tatami Galaxy (one of the alternative titles is even called "The Maiden Galaxy"). The character design is "ripped off" from that work. It's sad that Yuasa couldn't manage to do anything more interesting and original than this. It's hard to understand why he wanted to put up a new animation studio and start it off with a work that goes back to his best direction 7 years back. I can only assume that this work is aimed for a completely new audience who doesn't expect anything from him. Maybe I am too harsh considering how many long-term viewers are praising this, but with my experience of nearly 1500 anime series, all I can say is "not recommended." Go watch any of his earlier works instead or pick up Uchouten Kazoku for similar experience with better execution and characters.
The Punisher (2017)
The best way to refer to a cliché series is a cliché sentence: Could Have Been Better
Superhero series and superheroes in generally were never my thing. Despite me having a thing for vigilantes and for characters who live their life the way they want without giving an eff, I have yet to see a superhero who I could call "my man".
Arguing against the praise and popularity is a fight that can not be won. It's still a mystery to me what makes black and white moral values, the concepts of right and wrong and seeing the exact same formula with the same tropes and clichés appeal to so many people. I have been viewing this phenomena the same way I view bronies. Both fans consist of people who want maturity within a simple world where every answer is either a yes or a no, and a story which target audience could be half the demographics' age.
The Punisher starts the same way as Iron Fist. Great premise, and for once a character who seems to be smart and not a shallow collection of clichés. Once again this didn't last for long. There where Iron Fist turned into utter garbage after episode 3, The Punisher has a much slower pace in turning the main character a typical capesh!t hero. It starts from assumptions of someone being "bad", followed by complete trust to someone who is seemingly "good" and ends with the lines "we are nothing alike". The lack of rational thinking and self-awareness from his part pretty much made me lose the rest of my respect towards his character.
Now is the time for IF's. Punisher would be a better character if he didn't have to constantly compensate for the other characters who are much worse. I am especially referring to the female cop to whom other characters refer as "total badass" and "a real deal", but this is completely against everything she herself does. Like the car wrecking scene where her boss says "everyone back there thinks you're a badass." I can bet my life that everyone is laughing and using the meme "woman behind a wheel" instead. It's clear that the writers knew she is boring and not a well-written character so instead they wrote bunch of verbal praise towards her to make her seem something other than garbage. I didn't buy it at all, and most of all, it made Punisher seem worse than he is because he praises such a boring character.
The final part I will complain about is how this series is tied to Daredevil. Now, Daredevil is basically a blind Batman who doesn't kill and the only difference between him and "villains" is his own belief to a moral high-ground. A prime example of superhero who I cannot respect. His lackey Karen is the one tying these series together, and she was the most annoying part of the series for me. Every time she is on screen feels like a filler. Her dialogue alone made me decide I would not be watching Daredevil season 3. It goes about like this: "You're just lonely and that is why you're doing this." "I am not lonely." "BS! Everyone is lonely!" This piece of dialog has been bugging me for over a day now. I still have no idea what she was trying to prove with this nor why it was in the series. If he is killing people because he is lonely and everyone is lonely, then are we all murderers? Is she the female Jaden Smith's twitter account?
Fanny och Alexander (1982)
Bergman's worst movie. Could be stock footage.
I saw the 6 hour 20 minutes long super extended cut for this movie. Movie which I've been planning to watch for years, but have always pushed the box set further and further back behind the front shelves. Now that I finally decided to give it some 7 hours of my life and watch it, I can't do much more than feel sick due to how much I wasted my time watching this garbage, and how much shorter it could've been.
This is basically Downton Abbey for people who prefer their movies "smart" and "tedious" so they can say the exact opposite from what really happened and act like there is something much deeper and complex and philosophical beneath the surface while the movie itself is actually so shallow and fragile even scratching its surface destroys the whole work because all it has is its shell. But wait, maybe this is why it is so smart and deep. It is so shallow and fragile, just like life itself. Very smart and deep and philosophical, would give 10/10 and call it a masterpiece because that's definitely what this movie is and not something I'd just use to justify my rating for it and call myself smart for liking it.
In a way, this is the predecessor of the movie Boyhood (2014). That movie is known as the most mediocre movie ever made, but also has metascore of 100/100, just like this movie. The main difference between these titles is that Boyhood can even mildly make the viewer identify with the main character's life and his problems there were Fanny and Alexander live their life in completely different type of mediocrity in a different time period, in a different world, which, based to this movie, is so boring I can't help but wonder how these people managed to die off for natural causes and not just kill themselves during their depressive boredom.
Shortwave (2016)
Unique and amateurish, but beautiful in its own way
Shortwave (2016) is on parallel with other amateur movies such as Primer (2004) and Coherence (2013). I am mentioning these two specific movies simply because this could be the 3rd big meme for that matter. Plus, it is better than either of those.
This film is less tedious and doesn't follow the basic "it's deep and I am smart for liking it" type of rating process quite yet, but I recommend giving it a go if you have better taste than reddit. For others, feel free to read my review few years after its original post date after seeing it on reddit/imgur under the caption "mindf#ck indie movies which you should watch" right between Primer and Coherence. Mark my words.
Wind River (2017)
Worst movie from 2017, even The Emoji Movie was less brain dead
Bad guys shoot, kill and rape because they are evil. 0 dimensional baddies whose only purpose is to make the viewer feel hate, but the act is so ridiculous you can only hate the writer for creating such sh!t.
Cops acts like they are characters from South Park parodying the worst and most cliché law enforcement scene from any movie ever, expect they are being serious and it is not funny. Pretty sure half of them had never seen a gun before.
I can't take this movie seriously in any way or form. It's utterly ridiculous and can only be viewed as an insult towards the viewer's intelligent.
South Park: Franchise Prequel (2017)
Current season has been fun, but this episode was terrible
Mark Zuckerberg was intentionally made a bad character whose only merit is that he is a terribly written character. The whole episode repeated Cartman's franchise plan which was already introduced 3 years ago I think. It was nauseating to see how every bit of this episode screamed that it's promoting the new upcoming game which will be released any day now. Rest of the episode felt like a remake filler which recycled the franchise plan. I didn't laugh even once nor did I think that any of the things that were pointed out about facebook, netflix or superhero series were spot-on. If anything, this was turn off ad for the new game. It's sad how we had to wait 2 weeks for this.
South Park: Holiday Special (2017)
This person is genetically 2,6% victim
South Park's newest season is a total hit, NO! - a homer. Best content since season 19. It matches perfectly the term "spot-on". Every party is getting mocked in equal terms in a way which perfectly parodies generic mindsets and internet culture's hottest topics. I can come up with 2 reasons to dislike this: living under a rock, no joke;get or total lack of self-irony. Well done boys, you're doing what Rick and Morty couldn't do for more than 2 seasons: creating quality entertainment.
Operation Dunkirk (2017)
Everyone who likes Nolantino should watch this movie
Operation Dunkirk (OD) is basically Dunkirk (D) without insane budget, good acting and the same score every Nolan's movie has. In other words, it's essentially the same, but no one likes it because you can't even recognize it's the same when it's not wearing makeup.
Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying that D was a piece of unwatchable entertainment. I simply mean that hardly any movie is smart, or amazing on its own. Terribly often - nearly every reviewer ever - rates all the factors 10/10 just because they happened to like a movie. There is no reason to pretend that movie such as OD is the worst thing ever created and D the best movie that came out in 2017 when neither clearly did anything exceptional to be called a masterpiece of awfulness nor a "real" masterpiece. You can say they are opposites, but really they are the same.
Cult of Chucky (2017)
Best horror comed... oh, it's not actually a comedy?
You can't tell me when to laugh! I am not the audience of an American talk show. Cult of Chucky (2017) is funnier horror comedy than Shaun of the Dead. It's on parallel with Zombieland.
The story takes place in this mental institute where this all genius doctor senpai uses very UNquestionable methods on his patients. He brings some kid-size murder dolls so person who has past experience with murderous dolls and dead children can learn to cope with the reality itself and get their mental illnesses tidied up and ready to go. Surprisingly lot of people die in a ways where they basically got shot in the back 7 times with a revolver and this doctor guy be like "yeah, it was a suicide."
I very much enjoyed this film because I want to be that doctor person myself and sleep my nights in utter piece of mind knowing I never did anything wrong. The world just happens to be full of lunatics who believe in living dolls, gods and other fairy tales.
Resident Evil: Vendetta (2017)
After watching all 3 animated movies in a row, this was easily the best one
I call nostalgia glasses and faded memories the symptom for everyone who cares to claim that the other movies were better.
Degeneration was entertaining, but not much more. Still average 5/10 as an action movie. Damnation was uninteresting and meh, clearly worse than average movies are and therefore worst of the 3. Vendetta was a) pretty b) a waifu simulator and c) had the coolest animated fight scene that didn't look like anime. d) That charged gun-shot was awesome.
Saying this is the worst animated movie is like saying RE0 is a better game than REmake; Resident Evil fan would never argue such.
The Big Sick (2017)
Felt like a tribute to the Netflix series, Master of None
The Big Sick (2017) is like a fragment of Master of None. There where Master of None has its pop-cultural references and Aziz's own inside jokes, The Big Sick inserted some 4chan-reddit memes such as the first 15 minutes of Up - and I have to say I loved all these little jokes - the movies knows its audience for sure.
I recommend this to anyone with a sense of humor, but furthermore I recommend Master of None to everyone who thought this movie was fantastic and original because you will surely love to know that there is a full series about the subject and the fans such as myself are currently waiting for season 3.
Gekijô-ban Sôdo Âto Onrain: Sword Art Online - Ôdinaru sukêru - (2017)
Movie as good as the original Season 01
SAO will always have its fanboys who never saw anything truly good and its haters who -for the first time yet- are realizing that a series with 9/10 average rating may not actually be as good as it's generally claimed. For person who has seen it all, such as myself, Sword Art Online doesn't impress with its good nor bad sides, it's just average, worth playing in the background while multitasking.
This new movie is rather similar to another average series and its movie, Deja vu. I am talking about Steins:Gate of course. SAO (2017) removed the transvestite bs which we saw in S02 and added some memory loss amnesia bs in it with the message that love is eternal and goes thru all the dimensions. In a way this is fairly similar to Christopher Nolan movie Interstellar (2014) except SAO (2017) is better because it has less logical failures, less pseudo-science and furthermore, doesn't try to be smart.
If you enjoyed any bit of SAO, there is no legit reason to dislike this movie -other than you have simply grown out of it. It's for certain less annoying than S02 and much less waste of time than the novels. Excluding clopping sound chapter.
South Park: White People Renovating Houses (2017)
Decent episode, funnier than most from last season
Hey guys, did you notice? South Park got political. Seeing how South Park has been all about mocking politics from season 1, one cannot help but to wonder did the average viewer only just now realize what politics are after politics have become the hottest topic on the internet?
It's literally like saying "hey guys, did you notice humans started polluting the earth in the year 2017?" or "hey guys, maybe our country isn't the best country in the world after all" Oh how much we care, how bad humans and South Park have become since just recently! It wasn't anything this bad in my youth, oh no, the world has changed and South Park too, not me, I am the same!
Basically every negative comment you hear about this specific episode being worse than all the other episodes comes from a person who has been inflicted by media and internet, but doesn't realize how much that has changed their own way of seeing things. I advice to watch again some older South Park seasons to see what type of political references you have missed in the past because they were there back then too, you just didn't understand them. South Park itself has a whole season about this effect with the 'membeberries. Irony much.