paskamaha's Reviews

Prometheus (I) (2012)

2/10

2 June 2012

Warning: Spoilers

I was - like any half decent scifi/Alien series nerd - expecting this film for quite some time. I could be described as the person who camps in front of the cinema, just to get a ticket. I mean, I am too old for that exactly, BUT also fanatic enough to be 'that weirdo'. I kind of am. Really now.

I did not want to study the subject too much; not read many reviews, not rerun all those trailers... yeah, I did not, but I still did go back to the trailers/teasers, because this was going to be a Big Event for me.

Now, to any old school Alien/Aliens/Alien III/hate Alien whatever the 4th was called (apart from Winona, hi) - if I was ME, I would stop reading this now. OK, so you don't? I know you will go see the film, regardless. And 99% of you will be bitter and angry after wasting 10+ /$ on this piece of heartless, soulless garbage.

Because that's all it really is. There is no magic.

Yes, we get to see a mediocre space soap that has as much depth as The Vampire Diaries. Millions of dollars worth of COOL FX's. And... seriously, what? There is nothing to fall in love with, or even feel remotely connected with. There is absolutely ZERO charisma. I don't even remember the name of the captain. And he was GOOD.

In a funny and self-knee-shooting way Michael Fassbender's role as the android David... just falls down as the most lovable and interesting off the whole piece.

As I am a decent human being, I have already saved you from the so called "plot". I will continue doing so, and just add a spoiler here: THERE IS NO PLOT. Uninteresting humans (what's his name, Noomi Rapace's "husband", who the f*** hired him?) find traces to go to space - cut - to find what turns out to be an "invitation" to go there - cut - VERY impressive looking set design - cut - B movie slapstick with obvious cannon fodder characters - cut - alien life forms - evil looms - cut - danger - cut - FX/fight/gimmicks (no spoilers, I promised) - cut - THE END.

The cuts do not serve any purpose apart from taking the saga closer to its ending. In between the cuts Charlize Theron looks cold. And the wrinkled old Weyland man is about as sinister as a puppy.

I want my money back.

I would also like to know if this film was really Ridley Scott's baby to begin with.

I doubt that very much.

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Terriers (2010)

10/10

yes. Yes. YES.

11 November 2010

10 episodes down, I felt the grandness after the pilot and kept on watching.

Hard to explain anyone unfamiliar with the show, what makes 'Terriers' so utterly compelling; the easiest way out would be to just say Hank & Britt are THE best main characters on a TV series in a long, long time. Talking (another) Hank & Jesse (Breaking Bad) chemistry and charisma here. These people are real, with a real heart and a mind, real problems, and real reasons for living. I would never want to throw in any comparisons here, they would just do no justice... either way. Where the Lebowski references come from - me, being the high priest of Dudeism, I still don't get it. Stop comparing people, this is unique, witty, and fun crime/drama, with heavy ups and downs, you do not want to spoil it with sloppy comparisons.

Every episode is so well written and directed it laughs at the face of today's television. The casting is immaculate. This is true visionary material; and 'Terriers' just keeps on getting better. I am literally in awe and waiting for the next week now. And I am absolutely, indisputably, in love with Hank & Britt. In a Platonic way.

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The Cove (2009)

10/10

Awful reality soap wannabe drama? - or: the subject is what matters

8 January 2010

I love animals. I love dolphins in particular. I wanted to avoid this film because I knew it was going to make me - a grown man with a brick-size ego - weep, or at least hate everything I know, and affiliate myself with.

I wanted to love this film, and feel sick to my gut how evil men are. Perhaps I am already too old and cynical, perhaps I was expecting something mind-numbingly harsh and true, to slap me across the face... but nahh; I did not receive that slap. There were no underwater hot-shots, nothing cinematic to speak of. Just home video quality shots of almost-interesting arm wrestling with some local people, who did not fancy a bunch of random hippies on the shores of their wee town.

There is SO much hype and so much anticipation built around this very film, that after seeing it (15 minutes ago, fresh) I can only say it was a decent try in making people understand what kind of demon, what kind of monster, we, humans, are. But it left me empty, to be honest. We kill other living beings. We slaughter them, en masse. We eat them. So what? Who wants to see a documentary about cows being slaughtered in a tiny Danish village? If I was a teacher, I would include this in the programme, good basic biology, followed by a discussion. I would save the clear anti-Japanese agenda (I hear they kill animals in USA, France & Finland, too!) for the ones who can bear it and just concentrate on the big picture: Who slits the throat of a dolphin? Class dismissed.

PS: 10/10 not for cinematic experiences BUT for the fact this film NEEDS to be seen by anyone who has a heart - or a soul. 11th point to the people who made this film. I am with you 100%, although I think your film kind of sucked.

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We Own the Night (2007)

5/10

I hoped this film would Own - good try, bad script

31 July 2008

Seriously, folks.

What we have here is an above average story, an outcast son of a cop family balancing between good and evil, excellent start to a film, jamming up in the middle parts of it, only to be completely ruined in the later acts and especially in the horrific last 4 minutes. A film that gives you the unpleasant wait-I-Have-Seen-This-All-Before deja vú feelings together with the not-again-another-script-passed-OK-by-not-more-than-3-people you get so often these days.

What I mean is, the film has POTENTIAL. Great cast, a director you would THINK knows better... but, in the end, I can only summarize it by saying me and my mate were laughing by the time the credits were rolling. Pretty bad for a film that's not a comedy.

Kudos for the smaller role characters, such as the marvellous Oleg Taktarov (Pavel) and Tony Musante (Capt. Jack Shapiro). The "name" actors are all pretty much a let-down, good try, but not quite there. No purpose, no design, better luck next time.

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Home of the Brave (2006)

2/10

One of the worst scripts and fumbled imperialist brainwash attempts I have ever seen in my life

7 December 2007

I can't tell you much more than this: this film looks as if it has been written by a league of film students who graduated through online courses, the soundtrack has been composed/chosen by a bunch of supermarket execs, and the director's biggest merit so far has been a shampoo commercial.

I do not know what made me rent this film, but I do regret it. A film that's been advertised with names like 50 Cent, Jessica Biel, Christina Ricci, and - above all - the almighty Samuel L. Jackson - does give you the tickles this must be a hoax. And it is. I am sorry, I have a loss for words, but HoTB reaches comical levels on almost every scene, it is just a pain to watch for a cinema lover. Then again, we DO need this kind of horrible mistakes to make us love the art more.

I would gladly label this as pro-patriot, pro-USA, pro-war, anti-intelligent, if there just was enough substance in here to put my finger on. Unfortunately there isn't, so I will just call it another wasted 100 minutes in life, a complete failure & misery and... exactly therefore, a possible future slapstick classic for the history/art classes all over the globe.

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Dark Water (2005)

9/10

A perfect example of a film that deserves much more than IMDb 5,5 rating

2 December 2007

I leave the analysis of this film to my predecessors, all has already been said here, and very well indeed. Jennifer Connelly is one very under-rated actress and this is one of her finest roles. Her intensity and charisma is beyond words and she deserves a lot (more) credit for "Dark Water" alone.

I really wonder why this has been advertised as a horror film, to me it's psycho-drama at its best... OK, have to give it, there are a few "horroresque" little gimmicks, but I would still continue pointing out it's all about the atmosphere (eerie, sinister, wet and dark), not shock or gore. The music, the camera-work, the constant rain... in fact, this movie has so much WATER in it, it almost makes you feel you need a towel. And I mean it as a compliment. Needless to say Tim Roth is great at whatever he does, too bad his role here is a tad vague and small.

There should be a rating system for people rating the films here. Anyone hitting "1" on Dark Water receive a paddling and a 0 (zero) from me. People with no taste or sense of class, altogether.

Yours, kindly RTS Church of Jennifer Connelly - Division Munich

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True Romance (1993)

10/10

this film still defines "love story" to me

12 October 2007

I was 22 when this film was released, and I remember it was autumn, it rained a lot, it was cold. I remember walking out enlightened, and I also remember going to see the film again, on the next day.

Nothing much has changed, I can still watch this film on consecutive days and always get incredible kicks out of it. I like to say it has the best love story in it, cause I despise the "regular" love stories so much. Sure, it's over-the-top and cartoon-like... and that's what it makes so great.

Everyone knows (or should know, at least) the magical moment of truth with Chris Walken and Dennis Hopper, the way Hopper's character orders a quick bullet in the head with his famous "Sicilian speech". This episode alone is one of the highlights of cinema history, period; right up there with Rutger Hauers last dying moments in "Blade Runner" or Robert De Niro's you-talking-to-me-speech in "Taxi Driver". Hell, I could go on and on praising the acting and utilizing the momentum in this scene.

One of my best friends likes to say the film is just a poor sketch off Tarantino's scrapbook and only shines momentarily. I think he needs re-programming, to be honest. Sure, it's got kitschy bits (Alabama's clothes, anyone? Theme music, anyone?), sure the script has a feeling of let's get drunk and write something FUN, and sure it goes off the wall more than once. But that's the BEAUTY of it.

No other movie comes even close to combining love, crime, violence and comedy, together what must be the best cast of all times, in this way.

In my Top 10 Films of All Times, and will stay there, for good.

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