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Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)
Just ridiculously bad
It's as if someone took the concept of Firefly and imprinted the Magnificent Seven/Seven Samurai over it and had set and costumes designed by someone who only plays Warhammer. The movie is a jumbled mess. Characters are uninteresting. River Tam was a better badazz than this main character. You know the direction this movie is going within the first minute and a half. In fact, the amount of stealing the creators did just shows how bereft of talent they are. Feel like a taste of Avatar or Clash of the Titans? There's a taste but it doesn't improve the flavor of this gruel. Save yourself the 2 hours of your life you'll never get back. Don't watch this. You will only be disappointed.
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (2022)
Pretty yet ugly
I won't belabor the points already made other than repeat that the story, writing and characters are absolutely atrocious. Visually it can be stunning but at best it's boring and at its worst it's difficult to watch.
There is very little connection to the source material. Sauron's back story here is contrary to that of Tolkien's. The magic mithril plot line is absolutely ridiculous. Galadriel is presented with the attitudes of a spoiled, brooding teenager despite the fact that she's thousands of years old at the telling of this story and has thousands more ahead of her. She's also both the cousin of Elrond and his mother-in-law, so the romantic storyline they invented has that "ewww" factor as well.
This series reminds me a bit of Zack Snyder's "Sucker Punch" movie. Visually stunning but with dialog and a plot written by two squirrels on meth. I would suggest that to get the most out of this series, you show it on a huge 4k tv in the background while you listen to music, make dinner or even read the original books of JRR Tolkien.
Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
Lost me in the first few minutes and never got me back
The movie opens with a attack by a marine dinosaur on a fisherman's catch in the Bering Sea off Alaska then we move to snow covered mountains where dinosaurs are roaming around. In snow. Snow. I don't mean to nitpick but dinosaurs are cold-blooded reptiles who were killed off by the cold, right? All the other movies were set in warm, tropical locations because they're dinosaurs. Watching a fur-less brontosaurus walk through snowdrifts was absolutely silly. Then yes, you have the expected and predictable set pieces. We see the same bits from "nobody move" to the dinosaur spinning the car we've seen in previous movies. The same Rex vs big monster du jour. Other than getting to see the characters together and a possibly satisfying relationship issue this really didn't hit on any level. If you've seen the previous movies then you've seen every scene in this one, with better writing, plot, dialog and consistency. In the original, we let slide that the velociraptors were really the size of turkeys because they were fun and interesting. The things they put in this one make little sense and honestly are just silly. We have the obligatory "this is the real biggest apex predator, not the one we introduced in the last movie" creature along with something that looks like it came out of the muppet Dark Crystal movie. If you can get cheap tickets and really want to "complete the set" then go see this. Otherwise, wait until it's on tv in 9 months.
Dune (2021)
Denis Villeneuve shows again he has no concept of pacing
I will not get into the many things DV has changed from the book or any spoilers. I will say that at the pace he's going, the first Dune book will take at least another 12 hours of screen time or more to finish. Much like his sequel to Blade Runner, this not only was long (2 and a half hours) but it felt long.
Visually this movie looks great. However, if you're a fan of the book I expect you'll be disappointed. There are scenes that aren't in the book that feel like we're just filling space because they plan on making this into multiple cash cow movies. I didn't leave the theater looking forward to the next installment, I left feeling relief that the 2 and a half hours was up.
Killer Camp (2019)
Horribly bad
I caught an episode while channel surfing and all I can say is, has tv fallen this low? Now I didn't see the first few episodes so maybe they were better but I doubt it. The MC/camp councilor is so over the top he makes Shatner seem subdued. He's also so grating that I would have given more stars if the contestants ganged up and bumped him off. The mentioned that someone had been outed as the Killer but (surprise!!) there was a second killer! The contestants cry like someone's actually been killed. All in all it felt incredibly contrived and makes Troll 2 look like Casablanca.
Death Wish (2018)
A remake that wasn't needed
Why was this remade? It wasn't like there was a loud clamoring for dated revenge movies. My biggest problem with this and the original is the message. The police can't help you and the government has it's hands tied by all the wishy-washy rules. Therefore it's up to you to go vigilante. The original Bronson movies are incredibly dated. They were also a part of a wave of similar movies (the Dirty Harry series for example) that sent that message to the country. As the generation that watched these came to power, we've had loosened gun laws and the Stand Your Ground law. Now we have a remake where a well-to-do white family is targeted by a hispanic man...while in the real world fears have been whipped up about illegal immagrants and caravans full of "rapists, murderers, gangmembers and Islamic terrorists". We have angry kids mowing down classmates. Now we have a poorly written remake hitting all the buttons with a ham-sized fist. If you can't predict what is going to happen in this movie well before it happens, then you've never seen one of these movies.
Venom (2018)
Sony/Disney does another Solo, only worse
Solo was a mildly fun but forgetable movie. Venom is fun at times but ends up leaving you wondering how much better this could have been. Tom Hardy is probably the only one who stands out at all, trying his best to make this work. The others aren't bad actors at all. Their parts are just so two-dimensional that there's nothing to work with. The love of his life drops him and moves onto another live-in boyfriend after one incident despite having been there through much worse with Brock in NY. The villain's actions based on his motivation make no sense. Finally, despite being a major Spider-Man villain, there's absolutely no connection to the webcrawler right down to completely changing Venom's origin story. There's the feel that Sony & Disney would like for this to be a part of the MCU (there's even the obligatory Stan Lee sighting and the credit scene involving another big Spider-Man nemesis) but it still divorces itself from everything else MCU. This is the kind of product I would expect from DC and not Marvel...and yes, while it's Sony they go to great trouble to remind us multiple times this is in association with Marvel.
47 Meters Down (2017)
Did these other reviewers see the same movie I did?
I just saw this and, while it isn't the worst movie out there I can't say I'd recommend anyone pay full price in a theater to see this. Wait until it's on cable (not even HBO or a pay channel). It's PG-13 so little if anything will be cut when they start showing it 5 times a day on TNT. It didn't have a huge budget (not a bad thing) but a movie like the original Blair Witch did much more with a lot less. I'm not a die-hard horror fan but I didn't jump or get scared at all during this movie. Calling this "The best shark movie since Jaws" is absolutely ridiculous. Deep Blue Sea was a much better movie. I can't even say this is better than Sharknado because at least that was campy fun. I will say 47 Meters Down is scarier than Shark Tales. It does have a decent plot twist but the rest of the movie was so ho-hum, by the time it comes around I just didn't care. This movie is fine for a rainy Sunday afternoon if you're looking to kill an hour and a half but if you're looking for a good thriller that will give you a good scare or two, look somewhere else. Judging by the 2/3rds empty theater I saw it in, it will be on TV in the near future. Save your money.
Rogue One (2016)
A Star Wars Dirty Dozen movie
Without going into details, this was a refreshing and enjoyable departure from the main Star Wars films. It plays more like a war movie (think The Dirty Dozen, the Guns of Navarone, A Bridge too Far or even The Magnificent 7) than a sci-fi genre movie, especially when compared to the rest of the series. Characters have flaws, things go wrong and no one is truly a hero for most of the film. If you are looking for a fun, well-made action movie with human characters (even the nonhuman ones) placed in a science fiction setting, this is the movie for you. Even if you aren't a Star Wars fan, if you enjoyed any of those movies I listed above, you'll enjoy this one.
Alien: Covenant (2017)
Very disappointing
Before I start, I really must stress this includes spoilers.
I'm beginning to doubt Ridley Scott. This movie, as far as the characters go was basically a b-movie teen horror flick. People wander off by themselves, no normal or expected precautions are taken and we even have the obligatory sex scene killing.
The ship takes a detour from their colonization mission to check out an unexplored world. Nevermind they've done extensive research on their intended destination and none on this new one, they go straight down to the planet without EV suits or any real intelligence gathering from space. There are no precautions taken for diseases, microbes etc which you'd expect to be taken by a group of astronauts and which the original Alien crew took. Characters wander off by themselves to "take a leak" and predictably are infected. Even after they have sick crew members, does anybody put on a mask? Hell no. The one sop to rational and standard medical precautions (quarantine) is rendered meaningless because the person instituting them has already taken a spray of blood to the face. If it was a disease, the rest of the ship and their cargo of 2000 colonists are all infected. These actions go contrary to current medical practices, never mind those less than a hundred years from now.
A ship carrying 2000 colonists and isn't capable of landing on a planet only carries 1 passenger shuttle and a cargo shuttle? Do they plan on making 100 trips to the surface when they get to their colonization destination? It's manufactured drama.
A synthetic they know from reports by the manufacturer is dangerous is welcomed with open arms. No precautions are taken.I guess if you're not going to be worried about diseases why worry about a known serial killer?
Every single character acts less like a professional and more like a 16 year old on a camping trip. Emotions control all their actions, but not in a believable way. The crew doesn't want to go back into stasis after a catastrophe kills some of the crew and 47 colonists (they even seem to forget about the dead colonists after that initial report going with "2000" anytime it comes up later). Instead, they decide to go to an unexplored but closer planet. If they were so concerned with safety wouldn't they take at least minor precautions with their new destination? If they were actual astronauts concerned with power, food and water supplies wouldn't they continue to their well-scouted original destination? Send out a satellite or two? We have drones now, wouldn't they have some equivalent 80-90 years from now? Wouldn't they take some time exploring the planet and its ecosystem before jetting down in the only passenger shuttle they have? Even the final twist is telegraphed well before it happens.There are no real surprises and I felt like I was watching Troll 2 in space. Ridley Scott has made some really good films but this one is a stinker. Bladerunner is one of my favorite movies and I won't be looking forward to Bladerunner 2049. He still doesn't accept the inner monologue of Deckard is what makes the original so special, turning science fiction into a film noir masterpiece like The Maltese Falcon. If this Alien movie is a sign of what to expect, I'll stay at home.
The Magnificent Seven (1960)
I'm not a fan of westerns but this one is a classic film
When I grew up it was sci-fi that took hold, with the advent of Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, etc. and new, good westerns were few and far between. However, this was a western that slipped through the filter and struck me as such a good movie. Excellent acting from an all-star cast, an iconic score and archetypal script all contributed to being wonderful entertainment as well as a top-notch production.
Having seen literally over a thousand movies, one of the highest praises I can give is to say I still vividly remember scenes decades later. The Magnificent Seven has quite a few scenes that fall under that category.
Jupiter Ascending (2015)
Great idea and special effects but flat story and development
True to their history, the Wachowskis deliver an interesting concept along with top-notch special effects. The story however is poorly presented and the characters are two-dimensional at best. Mila Kunis is pretty and likable, but she's not a strong enough actress to fill in the gaps left by the writing. Conversely, the writing isn't strong enough to cover up Mila's deficiencies as an actress. I think if the Wachowskis are given another chance with a big-budget sci- fi/action flick, they will have to have somebody else write it.
When this comes out on Blu-Ray, I'll probably add it to the collection because it's good eye-candy to have in the background while doing something else. However, I'll be waiting until it goes on sale before spending $$ on it. If you're a sci-fi buff and not in your teens, then I'd compare Jupiter Ascending to the first Star Wars prequel, only a notch or two below. Great visuals and an interesting world but science that makes little sense coupled with a lukewarm story and characters that never feel real at all.
Under the Skin (2013)
A bit too artsy for its own good
I still don't really know if I liked this movie or not. The camera angles, lighting, focus of the shot, basically all the technical elements of this movie are excellent. The plot, story presentation and general coherence are not. This film would have been something I would have spent long hours in a coffee shop, smoking cigarettes and talking about "how deep" this movie was back when I was in my twenties and in college. Now it comes off as a bit pretentious. It feels at times that the director how much of an artist he is and the lowly plebeians just can't understand. Maybe that will lighten after a second viewing. The scenery is beautiful and I love the look of the film. I just don't like to feel like I'm being talked down to by someone who's not as smart as they think they are.
Olympus Has Fallen (2013)
Another Under Siege Sequel?
I'm not going to rehash all the negative reviews already posted here. This is truly a bad movie. The government, police and military are all portrayed as either stupid or incompetent. The bad guys have more resources than any terrorist organization could ever have. Al- Qaeda wishes they had the weaponry these guys have somehow managed to gather and bring to bear on the White House, all without anyone getting suspicious. It's completely unbelievable the US government would rather lose Korea than let the President die. Officials give up codes when they're the only reason to keep those people alive. It would take code breakers at least 3 days to break all three codes (according to the plot) but only 10 minutes to break one?
This movie follows a formula used many times with varying results. The first Die Hard used it well. The Rock was fun. Both kept enough realism to make it believable and they kept the scope of the plot fairly minimal. It's believable that a city police force might make some mistakes dealing with big-time terrorists. Having the entire US government, military and Intelligence community act like mall cops is not. This feels like somebody spent a week watching a Steven Seagal marathon, then took everything bad about those movies and rolled them up into one giant bull__t burrito.
I can completely suspend belief if an action movie is "comic booky" like Shoot 'Em Up. When it feels more like a propaganda film my intelligence is insulted. To anyone who paid good money to see this film I'm sorry. To all the good actors involved in this travesty, you owe moviegoers a big, fat apology. Come out and say you needed the money or that the script looked better than the final result. They should be ashamed to have their names in the credits.
Man of Steel (2013)
Major character flaws keep this from being great
I just saw Man of Steel a couple of hours ago and the main feeling I came away with was mostly fun. There's a lot of action and the flashbacks don't detract from the progress of the movie. I'm not a Zack Snyder fan because I think he's much better at doing visuals than he is telling a story. Despite this, I did really enjoy "Watchmen" and thought he did a great job with it.
My main problem with the movie is not the plethora of smaller goof-ups but the major flaw of the character played by Kevin Costner.Jonathan Kent is the father of the main character in every real sense other than blood. He raised him and helped form his code of ethics. The message he constantly drummed into Clark was "Don't be a hero. Don't draw attention to yourself. Don't stand up for yourself or others. People on Earth won't understand you and will hurt you." Where did Clark's morality to protect the weak and even his desire to protect the Earth from his own people come from? Jor-el (Russell Crowe) had that kind of morality but Clark doesn't meet him until after he's an adult. Where did the drive to be Superman come from if he's been told not to be a hero because earthlings will kill you his entire life?
That's really the biggest flaw I see in the movie. The wholesale death and destruction of Metropolis comes in second. OK, you've bought that somehow Clark has become a model hero despite his upbringing. How do you reconcile his hero status with what had to be an astronomical death toll in his home city? He never tries to avoid crashing through buildings, collapsing them on civilians. He never tries to lead Zod away from civilization where noncombatants won't be hurt.
As a summer blockbuster, this movie hits with a lot of action. The fight scenes are visually stunning. The special effects are wonderful. General Zod is a great character. You can understand his motivation even if you don't agree with it. If they had the Costner character go in a different direction and had an explanation for why the fight had to happen in Metropolis it would have been a much better movie. That's why I gave it a 6 out of 10. With all the good things in this movie, it's still hard to get over the flaws about the character the movie is all about.
Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death (1989)
Fun B Movie That Doesn't Take Itself Seriously
If you enjoy B movies like Attack of the Killer Tomatoes or just like silly movies that don't take themselves seriously this is the movie for you.
First, you have the two queens of B movies here: Shannon Tweed and Adrienne Barbeau. You name the B movie and chances are one of them is in it (it also has Karen Waldron who was in one of the Tomato sequels is in this as the overly vacuous Bunny).
You also have a young, before-I-got-political Bill Maher. He's perfect as a stereotypical "man's man".
The plot is ridiculously silly and they know it. IF you just need a no-brains-needed laugh, this is for you.
300 (2006)
Visual masterpiece, below average movie
Visually, this movie looks great. If you remember this is based on a graphic novel and not history, you can get by the monsters, lack of body armor etc.
As a movie this really doesn't produce. The characters are one-dimensional. They aren't real enough to care about. This feels more like a feature length cartoon than major motion picture. I also had to laugh at Leonidas talking about freedom and standing against tyrants. The Spartans had whole tribes under their thumbs as slaves (Helots) and Leonidas' title can be interpreted as tyrant. As a history buff I have major problems with the story but that's why I say to remember it's based on a graphic novel.
The movie is stunning to look at. Snyder's movies all look great but most (excepting The Watchmen) have little in the way of character development or a full-fledged story.
As to why the Spartans don't wear armor, I guess it's so Snyder can give the ladies a little beefcake to watch and forget about the story.
God Bless America (2011)
A wonderful dark comedy that strikes back against the dumbing down of America
I just watched this and I have to say I loved it! The protagonist (Frank) expresses our collective disdain at the watering down of our culture to the point where spoiled rich girls and trailer trash with no talent have TV shows. The lowest common denominator banal "reality" shows rule. "Shock jocks" market test their edgy bits before airing them. The news can't be bothered with telling us which side is right for fear of being biased. Bobcat Goldthwait takes all this collective angst and powers a darkly funny and thought-provoking movie. Take "Falling Down" and make it a black comedy and you have "God Bless America".