Change Your Image
bretangell
Reviews
Adaptation. (2002)
No such thing as 'Donald Kaufman'
Donald Kaufman is just an extension of Charlie Kaufman's vanity. But Charlie and friends are trying to keep it "secret" from the press.
He has no twin brother--Donald is just a character and an alter ego. Read about it in Roger Ebert's Chicago Sun-Times article called "Twin Pleasures."
Mr. Jonze, Mr. Cage and Mr. Kaufman are playing a post-modern little prank on the world. They're trying to get a completely fictional person screenplay awards and nominations.
They can, because Writer's Guild rules allow the writer to get credit on a script under ANY NAME THE ORIGINAL WRITER CHOOSES.
ADAPTATION is an exercise in pure masturbation, and it's too bad Kaufman and Jonze bore film audiences with their mid-brow observations.
Grow up, Charlie Kaufman! You and Mr. Jonze are not smarter than everyone else! All of your observations are vain and obvious; you have no new ideas to contribute!
It's time for the movies to go post Post Modernism. It's not clever anymore.
Try sincerity for a change!
Pumpkin (2002)
A Plotless and Shallow Barfbag of Caricatures
PUMPKIN is another patience-sucking exercise in preppie bashing that's way too juvenile to offer truthful insights or clever observations.
The movie's not about sorority girls or the mentally handicapped. The filmmakers obviously didn't talk to any of those people.
The movie could be about a couple of former high school nerds who can't understand why blonde chicks aren't constantly attached to their genitals, so they decided to make a movie with their buddies about how bitchy they all must be.
Well, they missed the truth by a longshot. Ricci's lover is not handicapped--he acts like a fully cognizant loner, except with a limp. Ricci's character is surrounded by a catty Mother, snotty sorority sisters and the stuck-up jock boyfriend, all of whom are tired cliches that explain their behavior by spewing the filmmakers' naive assumptions (Mom tells Ricci to "just forget about" all her troubles because "Yes, life is easy;" Ricci claims she's "Never experienced pain" before her sex scandal with the handicapped boy).
Ricci's "emotional arc" is smokescreen. The poor actress does her best to fill the spaces between her simplistic dialogue with tears, which only drowns us with melodrama.
There's no plot. Most movies focus on one action for the heroine to complete. PUMPKIN keeps making crap up as it goes along. Is the film about winning the Challenged games? Ricci's sorority contest? Ricci's membership in the organization? When is it over? The action drags on and on, moving only if some cartoon unnaturally blames Ricci for something she obviously didn't do.
PUMPKIN's filmmakers might claim this is all camp. They might say, "We made everything this far-fetched on purpose, and we think it's hilarious."
They would be incorrect. Their jabs don't poke at the truth. Every behavior is shrill and phony. Somebody like John Waters would go over-the-top and stay there with chaos and charisma. At least he'd sustain the flick with stunts. He would never bog the script down in fake lovesickness.
I'm fed up with movies like this. You've seen it all in HEATHERS, JAWBREAKER, DROP DEAD GORGEOUS, BRING IT ON and more. I officially declare Preppie-Bashing Satires a DEAD FASHION.
The problem is not Preppies. Naive Preppie Bashers are the ruling snobs in Hollywood, and it would be nice if they had some truthful insights for a change.
Tadpole (2002)
Delicious, brave and horny!
"Tadpole" is a deliciously smart, giddy and hilarious farce with an unbeatable cast! Why did imdb user "utahfilmmaker" hate this whimsical kick in the pants?
I'm a Utah filmmaker, too, but I reveled in "Tadpole!" I probably know this dastardly naysayer "utahfilmmaker" personally, and can't wait to find out who it is so I can kick his/her ass!
"Tadpole" really made me want to have sex and argue. That is the stuff of life! You can't beat the nuclear fabulosity of Bebe Neuwirth, John Ritter or Sigourney Weaver, especially when this newcomer Aaron Stanford undresses in front of them! I found his performance touching, and he can touch me anytime!
"Utahfilmmaker" thinks the plot is trite. He's right--it's a classically derived farce of mistaken identities and wacky misunderstandings, which we've all seen a million times before.
But that's all the plot wants to be! Why else would they cast the star of "Three's Company?"
The plot can be simple because the characters are rich. They're all conflicted in human and genuine ways. Ways that are thoughtful and engaging; ways that ask us to rethink the world and our morals in new shades. No, "Tadpole" isn't revolutionary, but it really reminded me to proceed through life with passion, and to start skimming the internet for scantily clad photos of the lead actor.
The only thing I hate about "Tadpole" is the nauseatingly pretentious flashcards with Voltaire quotes. Every other scene, the filmmakers interrupt the story with a truly obnoxious sample of Voltaire's writing that happens to compliment whatever just happened to the characters.
Barf-A-Go-Go! Talk about pandering! Those imbecilic flashcards are the signature of filmmakers who aren't fully confident in their own observations. They're trying to impress us with what they know as opposed to the unfolding events of a good story. What a horribly amateurish display of bad taste! If Voltaire had made his living through techniques so outstandingly mid-brow, history never would have remembered him.
But on the whole, "Tadpole" rocks the casbah. So boo on "utahfilmmaker!" He's wrong!
Play Dead (2001)
Lighten Up, Marys! This Movie is DELICIOUS!
Gee, I'm awfully disappointed with all the pedestrian, goodie-two-shoed users trashing the hilarious treat that is PLAY DEAD!
This was easily the most exciting film I saw in Park City last winter. It's original, fun, campy, clever, tangy and bright. It simultaneously indulges and undermines deep fantasies of desire in an insightful-however exaggerated-way. It's harmless joy!
The characters are vibrant and new. The little girl ROCKS! The boys are cute. The dialogue is whimsical and clever. The acting is genuine, and taps well into the universal emotions beating through the script. The friendship between the kids and the hijinks with the mother character are a jungle gym of fun! Just because the good guy sodomizes what he thinks is a corpse doesn't make this experience any less delightful. Can't you people take a joke? Wouldn't you have given anything to nail the captain of the wrestling team in your high school?
The negative reviews are mostly coming from gay men who watched PLAY DEAD at various Gay and Lesbian Film Festivals around the U.S. It's too bad they're doing their part to make gay culture just as boring, uninspired, challengless and mediocre as the mainstream. What a sorry sack of saccharin prudes!
Yes, it's a low-budget production. There are a couple of shoddy jump-cuts that expose areas where the filmmakers needed more footage. Zappa is not a particularly skilled actress, either. But these are mere nits!
PLAY DEAD is carrying the baton for a fabulous legacy of proud and spirited comedies that champion unconventional relationships such as HAROLD AND MAUDE, HAIRSPRAY, or even SHREK.
Nathan Bexton is my hero, and you should all watch PLAY DEAD!
The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy (2000)
'Broken Hearts' or Broken MINDS?
This year's Sundance premiere of 'The Broken Hearts Club' dished out heaps of sugary melodrama and cotton-candy characters with no redeeming esthetic or thematic qualities whatsoever. It's another sad example of how gay cinema in America is taking a flaming nose-dive into an utterly trivial and embarrassing abyss.
Before stepping one foot into the theater, I sat with a friend over coffee to predict every mindless cliche 'Broken Hearts Club' was bound to include based on its photo and Sundance write-up. "A struggle of promiscuity vs. monogamy! The sexy one is stuck-up! The brainy one is jaded! Casual sex will crush whoever just left the closet! One of them will battle drug addiction! Somebody will get called 'ugly!'"
'Broken Hearts' proved us right on EVERY SINGLE COUNT. In fact, it surpassed our wildest imaginations by throwing in a death by heart attack and a drug overdose to boot!
This is what happens in a country still hostile toward and uncomfortable with gays. Authentic representations of ourselves are marginalized to the independent cinema, which has usually been a bastion of great art.
But if the relationships in 'Broken Hearts' were heterosexual, this film would fit cozily between 'Days of Our Lives' and 'All My Children.' The conflicts are contrived, petty and disengenuine. Crap like this pollutes art houses and film festivals.
Can't we explore the human condition? Can't we be surprising, original and new on film? Can't we push the form and the content? Can't we craft a solid, unforgettable story? Can't we search for intellect, wit and politics with moral specificity?
No. Gay directors in America want another no-brainer about a fabulous photographer living a fabulous lifestyle in fabulous West Hollywood complaining about friends who can't be as fabulous as he ('Broken Hearts' is identical in premise and theme to 'Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss' and 'Punks').
A prevailing faction of critics and gay men applaud the spawning of vapid, mindless movies with same-sex themes. "Finally, a gay film that's not about being gay!" "A happy film without AIDS, victims or issues!" Hatred, disease and tough drama have always haunted gays on film, so gay men nowadays want their fair share of saccharin. They cheer the death of deep thought.
People who feel this way should FLUSH THEMSELVES DOWN THE TOILET. The provocative exploration of substantive issues is a measure of quality, not a nuisance. If we had a healthy balance of fluff and art, 'Broken Hearts' may not be so irksome. But MOST EVERY MOVIE directed by American gay men? THREE IDENTICAL FILMS? What the world needs right now is fresh ideas.
'Broken Hearts' director Greg Berlanti defended his artistic integrity at Sundance by claiming that 'Broken Hearts' was the first all-gay character cast in a film since 'Boys in the Band' (which isn't true--maybe Berlanti only watches U.S. films with major distribution).
But "all-gay characters" doesn't deserve a medal! What about art? What about story? What about engaging minds with experiences that can change a moviegoer for life? Greg Berlanti deserves a Daytime Emmy Award and a swift kick in the ass.
You want smart and creative gay themes? Go see "Boys Don't Cry." Go see Todd Haynes' stuff. See what directors like Wong-Kar Wai, Alain Berliner or John Greyson do in other countries. Even straight films like "Magnolia" or "American Beauty" do more interesting things with gay characters.
You won't remember 'Broken Hearts Club' a week after viewing it because nothing important happens. Keep away from this film. Keep your money. Keep your lunch down!
P.S. 'The Broken Hearts Club' will be enormously successful and universally praised among gay men and the gay press this summer.