Family Guy (TV Series)

The Blind Side (2012)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peter Griffin : NOTHING about this is okay!

• Peter Griffin : Hey, check out Brian with the blind chick. Hey, don't worry, Brian, you're still doing better than Quagmire. He got a hooker.

  Joe Swanson : [Quagmire is talking to a woman with a hook for a hand]  Ha!

  Glenn Quagmire : No, no, but she is a prostitute.

• Angela : Griffin, say hello to Opie's replacement, Stella.

  Stella : [signing]  Nice to meet you.

  Peter Griffin : W-W-What is this? We doing a new secret handshake now?

  Angela : No, Griffin, she's deaf.

  Peter Griffin : Oh. Can she read lips?

  Stella : Yes, I can.

  Peter Griffin : [covering his mouth]  So, if I do this, I can talk about what a sweet rack she has?

  Angela : Yes, but try not to make a boob-honking gesture with your other hand while you're saying it.

• Glenn Quagmire : Hey, Peter, you ready to go to the Clam?

  [seeing Stella] 

  Glenn Quagmire : Whoa, who's the hot chick?

  Peter Griffin : Oh, that's Stella. You don't have to whisper; she's deaf.

  Glenn Quagmire : Really? Oh, my god, that's hot.

  Peter Griffin : I didn't know you had a thing for deaf chicks.

  Glenn Quagmire : Any kind of disabled chick, Peter. They can do things to you that regular chicks don't even think of. Besides, you know me. I'm into a lot of different stuff.

  [cutaway to a turtle poking its head out of its shell; as it hides again, Quagmire does the same] 

  Glenn Quagmire : What, did you hear something?

  Turtle : No, it's all good.

• Brian Griffin : Stewie, what are you doing?

  Stewie Griffin : Oh, just doing a little tai chi. You know how the Asians look 30 until they're 60? This is why. Of course, then they suddenly look 100, but cross that bridge, you know?

  Brian Griffin : Is this a Japanese thing?

  Stewie Griffin : No, Chinese. The Japanese have a whole other thing going on.

• Lois Griffin : [seeing Stewie crying]  Oh, my God, Stewie, what is it?

  Brian Griffin : Oh, he's just got a splinter.

  Lois Griffin : Oh, my poor baby. It's 'cause these old stairs are just falling apart.

  Brian Griffin : It's not just the stairs. Meg has spent two days pinned under a roof beam.

  Lois Griffin : Let's just focus on the stairs, Brian.

• Stella : I'm used to people being a little uncomfortable with me at first. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

  Peter Griffin : Yeah, actually, I do. Are your other senses better on account of you can't hear? Like, can you smell my farts before they even come out? 'Cause I got one in the pocket right now, and I want to know if I need to feel self-conscious about it.

  Stella : I can't smell it, no. I might be able to see it, though. A lot of people make small movements when they fart. They twitch their eye or something.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, like subtle giveaways, huh? All right, well, t-tell me if you can see it when it happens.

  Stella : [he farts with a comically exaggerated movement]  You just farted.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, my God, you saw that? You can see all my tiny, subtle movements?

  Stella : [he farts again with the same exaggerated movement]  You just did it again.

  Peter Griffin : Well, this is gonna be a delight! I don't know why Lois always said she had problems with female coworkers.

• Joe Swanson : [at the Drunken Clam]  Quagmire, what is all this?

  Glenn Quagmire : Peter's new co-worker gave me an idea. Welcome to Disabled Ladies' Night.

• Peter Griffin : Peter, hurry up! You're missing dinner.

  Peter Griffin : [bleeped cursing as he falls down the stairs]  Lois, what the hell?

  Lois Griffin : Oh, my god, Peter, are you okay?

  Peter Griffin : What the hell happened to the stairs? They're all slippery now!

  Lois Griffin : I had them replaced, remember? The old ones were so rough and Stewie got that splinter, so I thought replacing the wood was the best way to go.

  Peter Griffin : When'd you do that?

  Lois Griffin : The other day, when you spent all that time at the drugstore.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, yeah. Couldn't figure out if that Hispanic lady worked there or not.

  [cutaway to the store] 

  Peter Griffin : Um... excuse me. Excuse me. Boy, I wonder where the shampoos are around here.

  [louder to get her attention] 

  Peter Griffin : I said, "I wonder where the shampoos are aroud here."

  [she finally notices him] 

  Peter Griffin : Oh, for God's sake, I almost thought you were a regular person. Where's the shampoo?

• Brian Griffin : You know, Chris, a little friendly advice. Uh, you're gonna start dating soon; probably good to get into the habit of chewing with your mouth closed. Doesn't bother me, I'm just... you know, one friend to another.

  Chris Griffin : Oh, what, you got a problem with me? You think I'm gross?

  [he spits his food into his hand and holds it out] 

  Brian Griffin : Don't do that. Don't do that.

  [he starts eating it] 

  Chris Griffin : Yeah, this is what you are, and this is what I am.

• Peter Griffin : Morning, Opie. Hey, what's going on? You going somewhere?

  [Opie babbles incoherently] 

  Peter Griffin : You got fired? Why?

  [Opie babbles again] 

  Peter Griffin : Oh, well, it's no wonder they finally caught you doing that in here. I mean, the underside of your desk looks like Carlsbad Caverns.