Okay, first off. You should know right away if this movie is for you or not. Did you watch and enjoy Shark Attack 3? Do you find plot holes, crappy acting and awful cgi funny? Hell yeah?! Then this is for you. If you don't enjoy any of those things, then move right along and let us laugh alone.
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is a title this guy just couldn't pass up. Though, to be honest, I kinda wanted to. But after some deep thought, I realized it has a mega shark and a giant octopus fighting. Plus it has Lorenzo Lamas....the action star version of Kenny G. And not surprisingly after finishing up the flick, it was exactly what I expected it to be like. Crap. Funny crap.
Starts off with ex-pop star Debbie Gibson manning a stolen underwater submersible. Her and her pudgy pal are tracking pods of whales in I think it was Japan....not sure. If they didn't tell us exactly where they were every few scenes I would've been kinda confused. Anyways, she's piloting this thing....ya know, thinking back there were White-tip reef sharks in the same scene as the ice-bergs....yeah, that doesn't make sense. Okay, well, something goes wrong with the whales and they accidentally bump into this huge ice capsule that has a, you guessed it, mega shark aka megalodon and a giant octopus aka Gigantopus. They're free now and they immediately set out to cause havoc. Snatching air planes outta the sky, demolishing off-shore oil rigs....and a few other ridiculous things. So what's the plan? What should our rag-tag team of scientists do with these meddlesome creatures of the deep? Find out in, *large booming voice* Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus!
The flick is really just a piece of crap. But it's undeniably ridiculous, thus making it funny. I never knew submarine captains were complete and utter idiots. The first submarine captain believed they killed the megalodon, but even though from his skipper (?) telling him it's not destroyed, the captain keeps repeating "target destroyed" all proud and sh!t. Then the shark attacks and he does the ever awesome, "Nooooooooo!!" I think we actually get a couple long drawn out screams of death like that. Yeeeeeesssss!! This flick is full of stupid scenes. Take for example the helicopter pilot in the beginning....crashes for no reason whatsoever. Or how about the scientists trying to create a formula to solve their shark/octopus dilemma. Mixing colors has never been more difficult. You knew as soon as they made a "cool" color, they're experiment worked....predictable silly stuff like that rules this flick. And I thank them for that.
One thing that really got me thinking in this flick was the love interest issue. You got the hot yet ditsy scientist played by Debbie Gibson falling for the geeky Asian scientist. That's amazing! I haven't seen a male Asian get a Caucasian female since Dragon: The Bruce Lee story. I gotta give Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus big credit for that one. Though I'm still waiting for the day I see a hot black chick go for the Asian dude. (Rumble in the Bronx doesn't count!) Still haven't seen that yet. You'll never see it in real-life, that's for sure. Back to the love issue in the movie, you had the two love birds, but then you have the other older scientist who taught Debbie everything she knows on the back burner. It seemed to me, that he felt very left out. There was even this weird scene with just the two of them on the beach and he tells her how proud he is of her. I thought he was trying to confess his love, but he just used the absolute wrong words. Romantic setting, alone, dealing with monster sea creatures, this is the best time to tell her how you feel, but instead you pussy it up and tell her you're proud of her. Wuss. You're supposed to tell her she's been amazing and beautiful, and she's important to you. Then you're supposed to grab her and stare deep into her eyes, glancing at her lips, then it's time to suck face! Well, maybe not like that, but close to something like that. Don't even get me started on the awkward kiss on the cheek he planted on her.
I feel like I keep repeating myself when I tell you this movie's bad, but it's the truth. It's a stinker. But again, it delivers with some really silly and awful writing. This is the type of flick you could honestly make fun of scene by scene, from start to finish. I do gotta admit Lorenzo Lamas, the most seasoned actor outta the bunch, did a pretty good job as the bossy, overly anxious leader guy. Sorry, I don't know what his title was. And again, it seemed he wanted some Debbie Gibson ass as well, but that went nowhere as well. One scene he made some sexy faces at her I swear! Eh no matter, the Asian guy got her and that's all that matters. And that's the moral of the story, if you play your cards right, you can score with a member of an opposite race no problem.
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