Yellow Pages (1999) Poster

(1999)

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2/10
Tediously lame and rightfully unknown farce, though I did at least chuckle a few times.
ryanthemanwf22 April 2024
Oh boy. What to say about this so-called comedy. Well, to be fair, I didn't think it was going to be that great, but I never expected it to be as lame as could be, either. The opening scene is kinda funny, but with minor exceptions, and that's using the term loosely, it's pretty much downhill from here.

A Portland-lensed "farce" starring a cast you've never heard of and also directed and produced by people you've never heard of, Yellow Pages deals with this one guy who's this jack of all trades kind of guy who sets up ads for his made-up companies in the yellow pages. One of his fields is working as a detective, and one night, he gets hired by a mysterious person named Mr. X to retrieve a microchip and then gets mixed up with a wedding, tourists and various crazy events. Seriously trying to describe what little plot this movie has is almost as big as a chore as watching the movie, and I actually sat through this from beginning to very end.

About the only other funny and good part of this movie are the scenes with actor Chris Ullman as Mr. X. Ullman seems to be the only likeable actor in this flick and also seems to be the only one who's aware of what's going on in the movie. The rest of the cast just tries too hard. And don't even get me started on the lead actor. He has to be the lamest, most obnoxious, and most unlikable lead I've ever had to see on-screen. As for Ullman, he deserves to be seen in more films, but not tripe like this.

The only big name involved in this is the composer, James B. Campbell, who is probably best known for composing Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988) along with serving as an orchestrator for many big-name films such as the third Back to the Future movie, Predator (1987) and The Abyss (1989). Campbell must have not had a lot to work on here as his score is rather wasted and rushed. Campbell has not worked on a film since then and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if this was the cause. I swear that one piece of music in the film even goes far enough to rip off John Du Prez's score for the first Ninja Turtles movie.

Released directly to DVD by Simitar in 1999, this film isn't really that well known, even in the digital age and hasn't even come close to being re-released on DVD or even streaming as well. Frankly, I think that's probably for the best. Nobody talked about it when it was first released, as they probably didn't even know it had been. And outside of me, it's unlikely to be discussed by anyone else. To sum it all up, avoid at all costs, unless you have to have every spoof movie/farce ever created. 2/10, and that's being generous.

DVD Extras: A surprisingly bright and watchable full screen presentation, sort of a step up from other Simitar DVDs, along with trailers for Glitch! (1988) and The Naked Truth (1992), film facts, which you could easily look up on IMDb or AllMovie.com, and a biography on Nico Mastorakis, despite him having nothing to with this film aside from his company, Omega Entertainment, picking it up for distribution. Frankly, he should have read his own fine print.
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