South Park (TV Series)
Terrance and Phillip in Not Without My Anus (1998)
Trey Parker: Phillip, Scott, Celine Dion, Judge, Delivery Man, Sally, Announcer
Quotes
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Terrance : Oh, Celine Dion, what have you done? I was going to make us a family again, but now you've slept with Ugly Bob.
Celine Dion : What do you mean? Why are you calling him Ugly Bob?
Phillip : Because that's his name you stupid bitch.
Celine Dion : You told me your name was Handsome Bob.
Terrance : Look at him Celine Dion.
[Terrance removes the bag from Bob's head and Celine screams]
Phillip : Behold, his horrible face.
Celine Dion : Oh my God, he's heinously ugly, and I am pregnant with his child.
Terrance : What? Noooooo.
Celine Dion : I'm going to have a freak-baby.
Phillip : Oh, the humanity.
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[Scott is motioning peculiarly at Terrance and Phillip]
Phillip : What are you doing Scott?
Scott : I'm wishing cancer upon you.
Phillip : Cancer?
Scott : That's right, I'm trying to give you cancer with my mind.
Terrance : Ah, stop that.
[Terrance hides behind Phillip]
Phillip : Hey, don't give me cancer.
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Scott : Who is this?
Saddam Hussein : Lets just say that I'm someone who can help you if you help me. Just call me your old pal Saddam Hussein.
Scott : Saddam Hussein? The Iraqi dictator?
Saddam Hussein : Hey relax guy, I'm just your average Joe. Take a rest.
Scott : What do you want?
Saddam Hussein : You want Terrance and Phillip *out* of Canada, I want you to bring my friends and me *into* Canada. That sounds like a fair trade, doesn't it? Super. Lets get started.
Scott : I'm not sure I should trust you.
Saddam Hussein : Hey, relax guy. Trust me.
[Ominous chord]
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Saddam Hussein : You're a journalist, right?
Scott : Yes, I'm a television critic for magazines.
Saddam Hussein : I understand that you hate Terrance and Phillip.
Scott : Yes, yes I do. They think that farts are a sophisticated form of comedy, but they're not.
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Scott : All of these things link Terrance to the murder: hair fibers, blood samples, nail clippings, a piece of his shirt, a watch with his initials on it, a day planner with the murder scheduled, a haiku called "Time to Kill Dr. Jeffrey O'Dwyer": "Dr. O'Dwyer, time to have your head smashed in with my new hammer." Terrance, you may be a famous surgeon, but you're not God. J'accuse Terrance.
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Phillip : Oh, hello Scott. No hard feelings, right old pal?
Scott : There are hard feelings, this isn't over. I'm going to see to it that you both pay for what you've done. And do you know why?
Phillip : 'Cause you're a dick?
Scott : No, because I hate you. You think farting is soo funny, well it isn't. Fart jokes are the lowest form of comedy, and if I...
[Terrance farts]
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Scott : Hey, you were supposed to kill Terence and Philip and then leave, not try to take over Canada. That was our deal!
Saddam Hussein : [quoting Darth Vader] I changed my mind. Pray I don't change it any further.
Scott : [quoting Lando Calrissian] This deal is getting worse all the time!
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Terrance : I'm going to put on a pirate costume.
[doorbell rings]
Delivery Man : Special delivery for Terrance.
Philip : I'll take that.
Delivery Man : Sign here, and here, and here, and here, and here... and here.
Philip : Oh Terrance, you got a letter.
Terrance : Shiver me timbers Philip. At this rate I'll never get to my Kraft dinner.