That '70s Show (TV Series)
Time Is on My Side (2004)
Ashton Kutcher: Michael Kelso
Quotes
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Eric : You know, this whole marriage thing has made me think: why am I in such a hurry to grow up? You know, life is like a train. It's bearing down on you, and guess what? It's gonna hit you! So, you can either start running when it's far off in the distance, or you can pull up a chair, crack open a beer, and just watch it come!
Kelso : I did that once.
Eric : No, Kelso. Not a real train. A metaphorical one.
Kelso : Like a... like a ghost train?
[Eric stares at Kelso for a moment]
Eric : Yes. A ghost train.
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Kelso : I'm gonna throw an M&M into the woods and wherever it lands, we look there first.
Steven Hyde : Fez, give him the candy.
Fez : [looking guilty] Yeah, about that...
Kelso : Okay. Instead of candy, I'm gonna throw my keys into the woods.
[throws keys]
Kelso : Oh, crap, I just threw my keys into the woods!
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Kelso : Wait a minute, I'm a police officer in training, so we're gonna do this by the book!
Jackie Burkhart : [Scoffing] What book? You didn't READ any book!
Kelso : No, but I was ASSIGNED one! And I've killed four bees with it!
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Kelso : Anybody find my keys?
Eric : I found a pair of my sister's panties.
[the others stare at him]
Eric : I know they were hers because they had her name... and phone number written on them.
Steven Hyde : A girl's gotta advertise.