Soap (TV Series)

Episode #3.7 (1979)

Arthur Peterson: The Major

Quotes 

• [the Major sees Millie at a dinner party] 

  The Major : Fifi? Fifi, what are you doing here?

  Millie : I'm sorry, but...

  The Major : Fifi, I told you it had to end. It was only a wartime thing. You have a husband at the front, I have a wife back home. It was short, it was beautiful and I shall treasure the moments always, but it's over, Fifi. Remember me as I will remember you and let us say farewell. You will live in my heart forever.

  [kiss her hand] 

  The Major : And you'd better see a doctor, you gave me some funny foreign thing.

• Danny : Aunt Jessie?

  Jessica : Yes, what?

  Danny : Do you think our family's crazy?

  The Major : Hit the dirt everybody!

  [grabs a pineapple from a bowl of fruit] 

  The Major : It's a grenade!

  [throws it through the window and dives to the floor] 

  Chester : Major, look what you've done.

  [explosion!] 

  Dutch : [looks out the window]  The gas main they were working on down the street; it blew up.

  Jessica : Thank goodness, I thought it was the pineapple. Danny, what was your question?

  Danny : Never mind.