Soap (TV Series)

Episode #3.7 (1979)

Kip Gilman: Charlie Walker

Quotes 

• [Leslie's ex has shown up, interrupting Billy and Leslie's evening] 

  Charlie : Kid, run along, huh? I've got some business to discuss with Mrs. Walker.

  Leslie : He's not leaving, Charlie, you are.

  Billy : Leslie, please. I'll handle this. I'm not leaving Charlie, you are.

  Charlie : Look, sonny, either you take a walk or I bounce you down the stairs.

  [Charlie starts towards Leslie and Billy twists his arm behind his back] 

  Billy : I'm only gonna say this once, so you'd better pay attention. You've been asked to leave and you've been asked nicely. Leslie has asked you and now I'm telling you. I'm a fourth-degree black belt in karate a third-degree master in tai chi, so if you stay here and choose to make trouble, I'm going to hurt you very, very badly. So what's it gonna be?

  Charlie : I just dropped by to say hello.

  Billy : And?

  Charlie : And I've said it.

  [Billy releases Charlie, but takes a martial arts stance] 

  Charlie : God, look at the time. I gotta be going. It was nice seeing you both. Bye.

  [Charlie slinks out the door] 

  Leslie : That was wonderful!

  Billy : He bought it!

  Leslie : Such calm, cool...

  Billy : He actually bought it! Usually, they just beat the living hell out of me. It finally worked. Boy is he dumb!

  Leslie : Why did you do that?

  Billy : Why? 'Cause he's an obnoxious jerk and I wasn't crazy about the way he treated you, or me for that matter.