The Simpsons (TV Series)

Treehouse of Horror IV (1993)

Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Marge Simpson : [Homer's Head is turned into a huge donut, and is eating it]  Homer, stop picking at it.

  Homer Simpson : But, I'm so sweet and tasty.

  [Looks at his watch] 

  Homer Simpson : Well, time to go to work.

  Lisa Simpson : [Getting in Homer's way]  No dad. I wouln't go outside if I were you.

  Chief Wiggum : [With the rest of Springfield's police force waiting outside of the Simpson's home with their coffee mugs]  Don't worry, boys, he's gotta come outta there sometime.

• [Lisa takes a sip from her chalice and gasps] 

  Lisa Simpson : Ew! Dad, this is blood!

  Homer Simpson : Correction: FREE blood.

  [guzzles it down and sighs] 

• Lisa Simpson : Dad, do you notice anything strange?

  Homer Simpson : Yeah, his hairdo looks so queer.

  Montgomery Burns : I heard that!

  Homer Simpson : [quickly points to Bart]  It was the boy!

• Lisa : No, no, they're wrong! The creature they seek is the walking undead! Nosferatu! Das Wampyr!

  [the rest stare at her blankly] 

  Lisa : A vampire!

  Homer : [Chuckles]  Lisa, vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.

• Lisa Simpson : Dad, Mr. Burns is a vampire, and he has Bart!

  Montgomery Burns : Why, Bart's right here!

  Bart Simpson : Hello, mother. Hello, father. I missed you during my uneventful absence.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, Lisa! You and your stories! "Dad, Bart is a vampire." "Beer kills brain cells." Now, let's get back to that... building thingy... where our beds and T.V... is.

• Lisa Simpson : Grampa's a vampire?

  Bart Simpson : We're all vampires.

  [Bart, Homer, Marge, and Maggie all float into the air, baring their fangs as Lisa backs away in horror] 

  Lisa Simpson : But... no! We killed Mr. Burns!

  Homer Simpson : You have to kill the *head* vampire?

  Lisa Simpson : [gasp]  You're the head vampire?

  Marge Simpson : No, *I'm* the head vampire!

  [She laughs demonically] 

  Lisa Simpson : Mom?

  Marge Simpson : [normal voice]  Well, I do have a life outside this house, you know.

• Lisa : You must drive this stake right through his heart.

  [Homer pulls open Burns' coffin] 

  Homer : Take that, vile fiend!

  [aggressively pounds at the stake to no effect] 

  Lisa : Uh, Dad? That's his crotch.

  Homer : [pulls the stake out with a nervous chuckle]  Sorry!

  [He aims the stake over Burns' heart, and drives it through with a single whack. Mr. Burns screams and writhes in horror before dying and crumbling to dust] 

  Homer : [relieved]  Ahhh...

  Mr. Burns : [suddenly comes back to life]  You're fired!

  [dies and crumbles to dust again] 

  Homer : D'oh!

• Lisa Simpson : Mom, there's something fishy about this whole set up.

  Marge Simpson : Lisa, stop being so suspicious. Did everyone wash their necks like Mr. Burns asked?

• Ned Flanders : Eh, your wide-behind wont' save you this time! Hey, Bart.

  Bart Simpson : Hey.

  Lisa Simpson : Wait! Doesn't my father have the right to a fair trial?

  Ned Flanders : Oh, you Americans with your due process and fair trials. Huh. This is always so much easier in Mexico.

• Lisa Simpson : [vampires emerge from coffins and Bart is squeaking to warn Lisa]  Please, Bart, I've seen your stupid Shemp.

  Lisa Simpson : [vampires are closing in and Bart makes another strange noise]  Yeah, I've seen your Curly, too.