When one thinks of all the fun of this show, many episodes stand out - but for me, this episode always was a favorite even before I realized what it's guest star did in his performance.
I have mentioned it when reviewing (some time back) HITLER'S MADMAN, a Douglas Sirk film done in World War II in the aftermath of the assassination (although I think of it as the "execution") of Reinhardt Heydrich, "Protector of Bohemia". Heydrich's assassination was to be the cause of massive Nazi retaliation against thousands of innocent Czechs, including the destruction of Lidice. The conclusion of the Sirk film was the destruction of all the men in Lidice, and the burning of the village.
Towards the end of HITLER'S MADMAN, Heydrich (John Carridine) is visited by his superior at the Gestapo Himmler (Howard Freeman). Freeman played Himmler as a "Babbitt", business as usual type, who has little human feeling - even towards his dying comrade who suddenly is afraid of dying . Freeman's reaction to Carridine's self-pitying fears and blubbering is to remind him he must die bravely as a symbol to the German populace. After Carridine dies, Freeman is asked what should be done about the Czechs. Freeman says, somewhat fatuously (as though as an obvious afterthought) that they should be feeling the full wrath of the Reich, so they know they are now dealing not with Heydrich but with the far worst Himmler!
Freeman would have many grand acting performances in comedies and dramas in the years to come. But only on this one occasion, on CAR 54, did he actually manage to reverse an earlier role. Here, believe it or not, he is a "funny" Himmler.
The plot is very simple (as most of the shenanigans on CAR 54 were). It begins with a typical day at the precinct house, and Captain Block (Paul Reed) is very tired. Everything ends up being done by him because nobody wants to follow his orders - the men are going about doing exactly what they want to. He wants some boxes taken into a storage room, and calls for Officer Leo Schnauser (Al Lewis). Lewis says he can't help because he injured his hand (there is a band-aid on his little finger). A disgusted Block says, "Oh Schnauser, didems hurt the little pinkie!" It still isn't enough for Schnauser to actually help move the boxes.
Block decides to put in for some time off - a small month of vacation that he's due. The men suddenly are aware that they may have been sloughing off too much, especially as Block has told them as much. His paperwork is delivered to headquarters. According to protocol, whenever the head of a precinct like Block is going on vacation there is a list of replacements. It turns out that Freeman's name is the next on the list. This is a matter of concern to the police brass. Block has explained in his paperwork that they should try to send someone to instill discipline into his men so they don't slough off their work. Unfortunately, Freeman's police captain is a quiet, gentle soul, who enjoys his pet fish (he has a big tank of them) and loves flowers (which he carries all the time - even smelling them and pointing with them). His last two commands, far from being disciplined, became two or the worst run precincts in the city, where morale just collapsed because of a lack of respect for their Captain.
Toody and Muldoon (Joe E. Ross and Fred Gwynne) delivered the paperwork, and are hanging around to hear who the new commander is. But in typical CAR 54 form, they pick up comments from the brass that suggests an altogether different picture of events. They hear, "morale was bad" at the last two places Freeman ran, and that the men "could not stand him", and he had a way of breaking his men.
Naturally they think this means Freeman is not a sweet man (as he unfortunately is) but is actually one of the most diabolical villains under the sun. Rumors about him get hot and heavy at the Precinct too, one (ironically) is that Freeman was an ex-Gestapo official.
Freeman, of course, will gleefully remain totally oblivious to this mistaken image throughout the episode. He will come to the precinct (holding a white orchid by the stem, gently asking rudimentary questions) and the terrified men will start jumping to all sorts of orders that they ought to do anyway when Captain Block asks them, but here they just do it because it's "safer to do so".
The high points of this insanity are when one of the men is asked to feed Freeman's pet fish. The rumor has spread the fish are man-eating piranhas. The man who Freeman is watching feed the fish (and Freeman, a truly nice man, is smiling) is nervously shaking fish food all over the aquarium and the floor. This fellow, when he's finished, is so nervous he goes home - and nobody sees him leave. Soon the rumor spreads that he was fed to the fish! Block shows up out of curiosity - and sees a Precinct he's only dreamed of. Everyone is jumping quickly to the orders of the soft spoken Freeman. This includes Schnauzer, carrying some heavy equipment with a broken arm (he fell the day before doing something else at the Precinct). Is it possible...have the men learned discipline from Freeman?
Spoiler to ending (sorry).
Freeman leaves, his own reputation enhanced by the remarkable improvement in the discipline in the Precinct. Block returns, amidst universal happiness - and immediately the discipline based on fear dissipates, and Block can't get his orders followed again. A truly funny episode.
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