The Addams Family (TV Series)

My Fair Cousin Itt (1965)

Carolyn Jones: Morticia Addams

Photos 

Quotes 

• Morticia Addams : [reading aloud from Gomez' play]  And then he takes poison... and then she takes poison... and they both die happily ever after.

• [as if he's a circus performer, Gomez balances a chair, an 18" rubber ball, a dinner plate and a vase with flowers midair on his chin] 

  Uncle Fester : I wish that doctor could see him now.

  Morticia Addams : Doctor?

  Uncle Fester : You know, the one that said our family was unbalanced. Gomez has got plenty of balance.

• Uncle Fester : [seeing Itt rehearse the part of Claude]  Are you sure this part doesn't call for a taller man, someone like me?

  Morticia Addams : No, Cousin Itt is perfection, but, Uncle Fester, you could be the understudy.

  Uncle Fester : You mean if, uh, something happens to him, like if he gets clobbered, uh, I could play Claude?

  Morticia Addams : Of course.

  Uncle Fester : [grinning]  Uh-huh...

  Uncle Fester : [fetching a mace]  Itt, let's go down to the playroom. We can rehearse together.

• Morticia Addams : Darling, I'm so happy. I think Cousin Itt has finally found himself.

  Gomez Addams : That isn't easy under all that hair.

• Erich von Bissell : [upon hearing Cousin Itt speak]  Oh, that's impossble! I will not work with such insanity!

  Morticia Addams : Please! Cousin Itt is very sensitive. Where'd he go?

  Gomez Addams : Where any sensitive artist would go when his feelings are wounded - up the chimney.

• Morticia Addams : Gomez, Mr. Von Bissel may have a point. I do think Itt's voice is a bit too fast for the average listener.

  Gomez Addams : We never noticed that.

  Morticia Addams : Yes, I noticed it in that last scene we did. Perhaps we'd best take him down to the playroom and work on his voice, bring out that fine timber.

  Gomez Addams : Great idea, but we'll have to watch out for splinters.

• Morticia Addams : [about Itt]  His voice is much too high. I wish we could lower it.

  Gomez Addams : Maybe we should drop him down a well.

• Morticia Addams : Hello, Wednesday, darling. Welcome home. Did you enjoy school?

  Wednesday Addams : Pugsley flunked spelling again.

  Uncle Fester : A real Addams!

• Sam Derrick : [upon meeting Cousin Itt]  Amazing! Incredible! We leave for Hollywood tonight.

  Gomez Addams : Hollywood?

  Morticia Addams : But I thought Broadway was in New York.

  Sam Derrick : Madam, I am on my way out to Hollywood to do a picture - The Hairy Beast from the Mars Canals - and he'll be perfect in the title roll!

• [a line that's frequently repeated] 

  Morticia Addams : The witch's ditch is mainly full of pitch.

• Morticia Addams : Oh, it's all my fault, Gomez. When I changed his voice I changed his whole personality.

  Gomez Addams : Oh, it's not your fault. It's just, uh... It's just, well... Come to think of it, it is your fault.

• Gomez Addams : [having written another play]  You should hear the big scene: This character, Charlie, can't pay back the twenty dollars he owes; this other fellow, Pete, demands a pound of flesh.

  Gomez Addams , Morticia Addams : Twenty dollars for a pound of flesh?

  Uncle Fester : Sounds fine to me.

  Morticia Addams : It does?

  Uncle Fester : Yeah. You should go in a butcher shop and see the prices they're getting.

• Gomez Addams : [In an aside to Morticia]  Querida, perhaps he would make pear-shaped tones if we gave him a pear-shaped head...

  Morticia Addams : That's a WONDERFUL idea, darling!