A Hard Day's Night (1964)

John Lennon: John

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Quotes 

• George : That's not your grandfather!

  Paul : It is, you know.

  George : But I've seen your grandfather! He lives in your house!

  Paul : Oh, that's my other grandfather, but he's my grandfather, as well.

  John : How do you reckon that one out?

  Paul : Well, everyone's entitled to two, aren't they?

• Reporter : How did you find America?

  John : Turned left at Greenland.

• George : [as TV Director walks away with PA]  There he goes. Look at him. Bet his wife doesn't know about her.

  John : If he's got one. Look at his sweater.

  Paul : You never know, she might have knitted it.

  John : She knitted him.

• Millie : Oh, wait a minute, don't tell me who you are.

  John : No, I'm not.

  Millie : Oh, you are.

  John : I'm not.

  Millie : Oh, you are, I know you are.

  John : I'm not, no.

  Millie : You look just like him.

  John : Do I? You're the first one that's said that ever.

  Millie : [motions to the mirror]  Yes, you do. Look.

  John : No, my eyes are lighter. The nose.

  Millie : Oh, your nose is very...

  John : Is it?

  Millie : I would have said so.

  John : Oh, you know him better, though.

  Millie : I do not! He's only a casual acquaintance.

  John : That's what you say.

  Millie : What have you heard?

  John : [leans in, lowers his voice]  It's all over the place.

  Millie : Is it? Is it really?

  John : Mmm, but I wouldn't have it. I stuck up for you.

  Millie : I knew I could rely on you.

  John : Thanks.

  Millie : [puts on her glasses]  You don't look like him at all.

  [John walks away, pouting] 

  John : [to himself]  She looks more like him than I do.

• John : Hey, look at the talent. Let's give them a pull.

  Paul : Should I?

  George : Aye, but don't rush. None of your five-bar gate jumps and over sort of stuff.

  Paul : What's that supposed to mean?

  George : I don't know, I just thought it sounded distinguished-like.

  John : George Harrison, the Scouse of distinction!

• Ringo : [referring to half-dressed room-service waiter hiding in the wardrobe]  Any of you lot put a man in the cupboard?

  George : Nah!

  Paul : Don't be soft!

  Ringo : Well, someone did.

  George : [George gets up, walks over, looks in the cupboard, then sits back down] 

  George : He's right, you know

  John : There you go.

• Norm : The place is surging with girls.

  John : Please, sir, sir, can I have one to surge me, sir, please, sir?

  Norm : No, you can't!

• Grandfather : Hullo.

  John : He can talk then, can he?

  Paul : 'Course he can talk. He's a human being, isn't he?

  Ringo : Well, if he's your grandfather, who knows! Ha ha ha!

• [Ringo gets a large pile of fan mail] 

  John : Must have cost you a fortune in stamps, Ringo.

  George : He comes from a large family.

• Ringo : I don't snore.

  George : You do, repeatedly.

  Ringo : Do I snore, John?

  John : Yeah, you're a window-rattler, son.

  Ringo : That's just your opinion. Do I snore, Paul?

  Paul : With a trombone hooter like yours, it would be unnatural if you didn't.

  Grandfather : Now, Paulie... don't mock the afflicted.

  Paul : Ah, come off it, it's only a joke!

  Grandfather : Aye, it may be a joke to you, but it's his nose. He can't help having a hideous great hooter! And his poor little head, trembling under the weight of it!

• [the boys are listening to the radio] 

  Man on Train : And we'll have that thing off as well, thank you.

  Ringo : But...

  Man on Train : An elementary knowledge of the Railway Acts would tell you that I'm perfectly within my rights.

  Paul : Yeah, but we want to hear it, and there's more of us than you. We're a community, like, a majority vote. Up the workers and all that stuff!

  Man on Train : Then I suggest you take that damned thing to the corridor or some other part of the train where you obviously belong.

  John : [Leaning over to the man]  Give us a kiss.

• John : We know how to behave! We've had lessons.

• [Paul, John and George come out of the studio, looking for Ringo] 

  Paul : Let's split up and look for him!

  [Paul walks away, George and John follow him. Paul turns around] 

  John : We've become a limited company.

• John : We've broken out! Ah, the blessed freedom of it all! Have you got a nail file? These handcuffs are killin' me! I was framed, I'm innocent, I don't want to go!

  Paul : Sorry for disturbing you, girls!

  John : I betcha can't guess what I was in for!

  [laughs psychotically] 

• [the Beatles are late for a rehersal] 

  T.V. Floor Manager : They'll be here.

  T.V. Director : Yes, well, if they aren't on this stage in precisely 30 seconds there'll be trouble? Do you hear me? Trouble.

  [exactly three seconds after he stops speaking, the Beatles calmly amble onstage] 

  John : [to director]  Standin' around, hey? Some people have it dead easy.

• Norm : Now look, I've had a marvelous idea. Just for once, let's all try to behave like ordinary, respectable citizens. Let's not cause any trouble, pull any strokes, or do anything I'm gonna be sorry for. Especially tomorrow at that television theater, because...

  [looks at John, who is holding up a bottle to his nose] 

  Norm : Are you listening to me, Lennon?

  John : You're a swine. Isn't he, George?

  George : Yeah, a swine.

  Norm : [indifferently]  Thanks.

• John : You should have gone West to America. You would have been a senior citizen of Boston. But you took a wrong turn, and what happened? You're a lonely old man from Liverpool.

  Grandfather : But I'm clean.

  John : Are you?

• [Huge stacks of fan mail is delivered] 

  Ringo : None for me, then?

  Norm : Sorry.

  John : [handing Ringo one letter]  Here, this'll keep you busy.

• Norm : Now you've got about an hour, but don't leave the theater. Where are you going, John?

  John : [with a dancing girl]  She's gonna show me her stamp collection.

  Paul : [also with a girl]  So's mine.

  Norm : John, I'm talking to you! This final run-through is important, understand? IMPORTANT!

  [John snorts like a pig, then leaves] 

  Grandfather : I want a cup of tea!

  Norm : Uh, Shake?

  Shake : [reaching for a guitar]  Um... I've got to adjust the decibels on the imbalance, Norm.

  Norm : Clever. George?

  [George puts his fingers in his ears] 

  Norm : Ringo, look after him, will you?

  Ringo : Ah, Norm!

  Norm : Do I have to raise my voice?

  Ringo : All right. Come on, Granddad.

  [mumbling] 

  Ringo : I'm a drummer, not a wet nurse, you know?

• Norm : I thought I told you lot to stay here. When I say stay put, I mean stay put.

  John : [drops to his knees]  Don't cane me, sir! I was led astray.

  Norm : Shut up, John!

• John : Gear costume.

  Actor : Swap?

  John : Cheeky!

• Norm : [sees Paul's grandfather for the first time]  Hey!

  George , Paul , John , Ringo : [in unison]  Who's that little old man?

  Norm : Well, who is he?

  Ringo : He belongs to Paul.

• John : [cuts tailor's tape measure with scissors and in girly voice]  I now declare this bridge open!

• Grandfather : It's my considered opinion that you're a bunch of sissies.

  John : You're just jealous.

  Norm : Leave him alone, Lennon... or I'll tell them all the truth about you.

  John : You wouldn't.

  Norm : Oh, I would, though.

• Ringo : It's the Circle Club.

  Paul : [reads aloud the invite]  "The management of the Circle Club takes pleasure in requesting the company of Mr. Richard Starkey--that's you--to their gaming rooms. Chemin de Fer, Baccarat, and Champagne Buffet".

  [He pronounces it like it's spelled] 

  Ringo : They want me.

  John : It's gotten around you're a big spender.

  Norm : [snatches the card from Paul]  Well, you're not going.

  Ringo : Aww!

  Grandfather : [snatches the card from Norm]  Quite right. Invites to gambling dens full of easy money and fast women. Chicken sandwiches and carts full of caviar. Disgusting!

  Ringo : That's mine!

• John : Ringo, what are you up to?

  Ringo : [Ringo is sitting under a hairdryer wearing a beefeater's bearskin hat and reading a magazine]  Page five!

  John : You always fancied yourself as a guardsman, didn't you?

• John : [repeated line; to Norm]  You're a swine.

• Norm : I just have one thing to say to you, John Lennon.

  John : What's that?

  Norm : You're a swine.

• Norm : Come on, you lot! Get your pens out!

  George : Why?

  Norm : It's homework time for you load of college puddings. I want this lot answered TONIGHT!

  Ringo : [sulking]  Aww... I want to go out.

  Norm : Now, I'll brook no denial!

  John : You couldn't get a pen in your foot, you swine.

  Norm : Ooh! Chatter on, son. Chatter on! A touch of the writer's cramp will soon sort YOU out!

• John : He's sex-obsessed! The older generation's leading our nation in a state of galloping ruin!

• John : [John is combing a fake beard in the mirror; girlish voice]  My name's Betty.

• T.V. Director : I won an award.

  John : A likely story.

  T.V. Director : It's on the wall in my office.

• Paul : Yeah, where's the old mixer?

  Grandfather : Here, Paulie.

  Paul : I've got a few words to say to you, two-faced John McCartney.

  John : Oh, leave him alone. He's back, isn't he? He can't help being old.

  Paul : What's being old got to do with it? He's a trouble-maker and a mixer, that's good enough for me!

• John : [to Grandfather as he sulks]  Don't worry son, we'll get you the best lawyer green stamps can buy.

  Paul : Oh ho, it's a laugh a line with Lennon!

  Paul : Anyway, it's your fault.

  [points to Ringo] 

  Ringo : Why me?

  George : Why not you?

  [pause, he looks around baggage holding, pats the dog next to him] 

  John : God, it's depressing in here, isn't it? Funny. They usually reckon dogs more than people in England. You'd expect something more palatial.

  [turns back to Paul] 

  John : Let's do something, then.

  Paul : Like what?

  [John takes out a pack of cards] 

  Paul : OK.

  George : [as the schoolgirls arrive to watch]  Cor, there's the girls.

  Ringo : I'll deal 'em.

  John : [Ringo separates the cards into two even piles and simply flicks through them]  Aye aye, the Liverpool Shuffle.

  Ringo : [after montage of them playing with "I Should Have Known Better" in background, Ringo has won]  Mine, all mine!

  John : He's wearing his lucky rings.

• John : Hey, he's reading the Queen... that's an in joke, you know.

• T.V. Director : Now, look. If you think I'm unsuitable, let's have it out in the open. I can't stand these backstage politics.

  John : Aren't you tending to black-and-white the situation somewhat?

  T.V. Director : Well, quite honestly, I wasn't expecting a musical arranger to question my ability picture-wise.

  John : [to the others]  I could listen to him for hours.

• Norm : Hey! Have you seen Paul's grandfather?

  John : Of course. He's concealed about my person.

  Norm : [rolls his eyes]  Now, he must have slipped off somewhere!

  Paul : Have you lost him?

  Norm : Don't exaggerate.

  Paul : You've lost him!

  Shake : Put it this way, Paulie: he's mislaid him.

• John : And we're looking after him, are we?

  Grandfather : I'll look after myself.

  Paul : Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.

  John : He's got you worried, then?

  Paul : Him? He's a villain, a real mixer. And he costs you a fortune in Breach of Promise cases.

• John : Control yourself. You'll spurt.

• John : [John in a voice-over heard during the press conference]  ... and when I plugged her in, she just blew up.

• John : I bet you can't guess what I'm in for!