Heavens Above! (1963)

Peter Sellers: The Reverend John Smallwood

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Reverend John Smallwood : I never thought of myself before as a clerical error.

• [Smallwood is giving his first sermon to his new congregation] 

  The Reverend John Smallwood : This town is full of people who *call* themselves Christians. But from what I've seen of it, I wouldn't mind taking a bet there aren't enough *real* Christians about to feed one decent lion.

• Matthew : Just my mom. She had ten children - six girls and our boys - Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. My mom - she could never refuse anybody either.

  The Reverend John Smallwood : Well, what about your dad?

  Matthew : Oh, man, I don't know. We all had different fathers. But my mom used to say, "you're all good Christian children. You got the same father in heaven."

• The Reverend John Smallwood : It isn't the paying, it's the caring. That's what counts with God.

  Archdeacon Aspinall : I don't think there's any need to keep bringing God into this, Smallwood.

  The Reverend John Smallwood : Well, it's difficult to keep him out, especially when you're working for him like we are.

• Sir Geoffrey Despard : At the rate you're going, my mother will soon be a pauper.

  The Reverend John Smallwood : I'd say you mother is richer now than she's ever been.

• The Reverend John Smallwood : Matthew, you come and sit here between Mrs. Smith-Gould and Major Fowler. Beauty on one side, brains on the other, and I'm not gonna say which is which.

• The Reverend John Smallwood : As this my first sermon, I think I ought to tell you that I am not a good Christian. But I want to be. So, I'm trying.

• The Reverend John Smallwood : It's not those people I'm worried about. I'm worried about you.

  Lady Despard : Me?

  The Reverend John Smallwood : Yes. You see, from a Christian point of view, you're in a bit of a fix, aren't you? I mean, we've all got a few weights to do on the way to heaven. But with the weight you're carrying, well, um, I'm worried whether you'll be there at the finish.

  Lady Despard : What exactly do you mean - the weight I'm carrying?

  The Reverend John Smallwood : Well, I was thinking of that bit about the rich and the eye of the needle.

  Archdeacon Aspinall : Now, come, come, Smallwood. Nowadays that passage is given a very different interpretation.

  The Reverend John Smallwood : Yes, I dare say.

  Lady Despard : Are you really telling me that because I'm rich, I might...

  [the scene switches to the kitchen where the Smith adults are arguing] 

  Winnie Smith : ...go to hell.

• The Reverend John Smallwood : [to the irate crowd of protestors]  What you want, I can't give. And what you need, you don't want.