After a few days of PG-13 festive viewing, I'm diving back into the deep end with this R-rated VHS I found buried in my collection.
The video cover claims that women of the night can sell anything... even their lives. The back synopsis reads that a sniper shoots working girls and photographs them via a camera on his scope.
Remember the annoying previews before a movie started on VHS?
This one's called 'Cross Country' and a perfect blond is bar dancing while behind closed doors someone else is being dunked in a toilet bowl. Holey Moley, a car just Thelma and Louised over the Grand Canyon and only made it half way. That movie looks decent. We need a name for the topless blond bar dancer, though. (I believe it's Nina Axelrod.) Here it is, almost 2024, and I'm still watching a VHS analog movie.
Okay, so Inspector Gadget loads his pockets with anything from a Polaroid camera to a hacksaw and no sooner sharpshoots the first victim, whose only crime is taking a shower.
Crenna patrols the streets of Toronto, which is posing as New York. He shakes down anyone who looks shady in an attempt to get a lead on The Sin Sniper.
Inspector Gadget has a high-powered Meccano rifle that requires assembly and runs on a dual-action camera and trigger action. How do you attach a Polaroid to a gun?
Mob boss Mr. Kurtzs looks like Joseph Michael Calleja wearing a Benny Hill wig.
You know, it just came to me: I've never heard Richard Crenna drop any F bombs in his movies.
Crenna goes toe to toe with a Kronk gym member who's slippery and does his best to elude the law. Is that Michael Moore? Nah, I think it's one of those baddies from 'Red Heat.' "Victor, set us up." I love how Crenna answers his phone: "Goodbye!" Moore is apprehended, denies all charges, and uses a foul tongue as a defense.
Isn't this where 'Rocky 2' was filmed? Little Italy, right? But how could it be when 'Stone Cold Dead' is filmed in Canada?
Is Crenna doing his best to come off as Detective Callahan? He has his hair.
Where'd Inspector Gadget go? There hasn't been a murder in a while.
Instead, the director's throwing all these false lead curve balls and misleading the viewer into believing the mafia is responsible for the shooting victims deaths. It's not Joe C in the Benny Hill wig.
Even Crenna's under the impression that Joe C in the Benny Hill wig is the one behind the murder. He's wasting resources down this avenue.
How'd Crenna go from being a Canadian 'Deathship' sailor to capturing Rambo and then lost in Toronto as a detective?
With the murders coming to a halt, Crenna's wasting vital time on false leads and not even close on the trail.
The movie lacks intensity and does not engage the killer enough.
'Dirty Harry' balanced The Scorpian Killer out perfectly.
Where's Inspector Gadget gone in this?
This big wig in the Benny Hill wig is far from convincing as a mafia boss. As if anyone would fear him on the streets. What a joke.
Crenna finally attends a crime scene and steals $140 from victim number three.
I have to say that Inspector Gadget's choice of firepower doesn't pack much punch. It's almost like an air rifle.
In the tradition of The Zodiac, Inspector Gadget starts sending letters to the San Francisco Chronicle, and one reads, "Greetings from the darkroom. A centerfold guaranteed to blow your mind. Now she belongs to you. The Sin Sniper." People today wouldn't know what a darkroom is, would they? I must clarify, then. It's where old Kodak films and the like used to be processed for development. Whatever you do, don't open the door midway through when someone is working in the darkroom.
A Christopher Walken lookalike is another decoy killer suspect to confuse the viewer.
At one stage, my money was on Crenna being the sniper, as he wore a trench coat. But I can't rule out one of the street walkers being the killer.
Why did they cast this dwarf in the Benny Hill wig? What a horrible choice for a movie villain. You can't take him seriously.
Inspector Gadget picks off another victim and sustains a knee injury, and is made in the process by a drunken bum.
Using the money he stole off the hooker from earlier, Crenna reserves the services of a strung-out junkie but folds on the psychical as she's only a 2/10 and looks too motherly. Instead, they go ice skating in an attempt to make her the love interest of the movie. There's no chemistry between Crenna and the human. It's another wasted lead in the movie, as she gets shot at the end by her own daughter, who's the killer. I didn't see that coming.
Two more victims show up in a sting, but the boxer from the Kronk gym is the hitman this time, not Inspector Gadget. By this point of the movie, it confuses the viewer and kind of drags.
At this point in the movie, I exited for 5 minutes to cater to my cat's stomach and must have missed an important piece of the puzzle. But from what I can gather, Crenna's colleague is on the take and squeals on the mafia boss, which no one fears. So, Joe C in the Benny Hill wig is finally arrested and put in the big house for espionage and the importation of cheap knockoff toupees.
Maybe I wasn't paying attention, but Olivia is Inspector Gadget. Olivia. It was Olivia. She's The Sin Sniper. Olivia. I know what you're thinking because I'm thinking the same thing too - who's Olivia? Was she even in the movie for most part? That's your big reveal, movie? I can't remember her from earlier. Was I supposed to?
The movie's no 'Tightrope' and kind of a let-down.
Can you believe I'm actually rewinding a videotape? I haven't done that since, what, 2008?
The video cover claims that women of the night can sell anything... even their lives. The back synopsis reads that a sniper shoots working girls and photographs them via a camera on his scope.
Remember the annoying previews before a movie started on VHS?
This one's called 'Cross Country' and a perfect blond is bar dancing while behind closed doors someone else is being dunked in a toilet bowl. Holey Moley, a car just Thelma and Louised over the Grand Canyon and only made it half way. That movie looks decent. We need a name for the topless blond bar dancer, though. (I believe it's Nina Axelrod.) Here it is, almost 2024, and I'm still watching a VHS analog movie.
Okay, so Inspector Gadget loads his pockets with anything from a Polaroid camera to a hacksaw and no sooner sharpshoots the first victim, whose only crime is taking a shower.
Crenna patrols the streets of Toronto, which is posing as New York. He shakes down anyone who looks shady in an attempt to get a lead on The Sin Sniper.
Inspector Gadget has a high-powered Meccano rifle that requires assembly and runs on a dual-action camera and trigger action. How do you attach a Polaroid to a gun?
Mob boss Mr. Kurtzs looks like Joseph Michael Calleja wearing a Benny Hill wig.
You know, it just came to me: I've never heard Richard Crenna drop any F bombs in his movies.
Crenna goes toe to toe with a Kronk gym member who's slippery and does his best to elude the law. Is that Michael Moore? Nah, I think it's one of those baddies from 'Red Heat.' "Victor, set us up." I love how Crenna answers his phone: "Goodbye!" Moore is apprehended, denies all charges, and uses a foul tongue as a defense.
Isn't this where 'Rocky 2' was filmed? Little Italy, right? But how could it be when 'Stone Cold Dead' is filmed in Canada?
Is Crenna doing his best to come off as Detective Callahan? He has his hair.
Where'd Inspector Gadget go? There hasn't been a murder in a while.
Instead, the director's throwing all these false lead curve balls and misleading the viewer into believing the mafia is responsible for the shooting victims deaths. It's not Joe C in the Benny Hill wig.
Even Crenna's under the impression that Joe C in the Benny Hill wig is the one behind the murder. He's wasting resources down this avenue.
How'd Crenna go from being a Canadian 'Deathship' sailor to capturing Rambo and then lost in Toronto as a detective?
With the murders coming to a halt, Crenna's wasting vital time on false leads and not even close on the trail.
The movie lacks intensity and does not engage the killer enough.
'Dirty Harry' balanced The Scorpian Killer out perfectly.
Where's Inspector Gadget gone in this?
This big wig in the Benny Hill wig is far from convincing as a mafia boss. As if anyone would fear him on the streets. What a joke.
Crenna finally attends a crime scene and steals $140 from victim number three.
I have to say that Inspector Gadget's choice of firepower doesn't pack much punch. It's almost like an air rifle.
In the tradition of The Zodiac, Inspector Gadget starts sending letters to the San Francisco Chronicle, and one reads, "Greetings from the darkroom. A centerfold guaranteed to blow your mind. Now she belongs to you. The Sin Sniper." People today wouldn't know what a darkroom is, would they? I must clarify, then. It's where old Kodak films and the like used to be processed for development. Whatever you do, don't open the door midway through when someone is working in the darkroom.
A Christopher Walken lookalike is another decoy killer suspect to confuse the viewer.
At one stage, my money was on Crenna being the sniper, as he wore a trench coat. But I can't rule out one of the street walkers being the killer.
Why did they cast this dwarf in the Benny Hill wig? What a horrible choice for a movie villain. You can't take him seriously.
Inspector Gadget picks off another victim and sustains a knee injury, and is made in the process by a drunken bum.
Using the money he stole off the hooker from earlier, Crenna reserves the services of a strung-out junkie but folds on the psychical as she's only a 2/10 and looks too motherly. Instead, they go ice skating in an attempt to make her the love interest of the movie. There's no chemistry between Crenna and the human. It's another wasted lead in the movie, as she gets shot at the end by her own daughter, who's the killer. I didn't see that coming.
Two more victims show up in a sting, but the boxer from the Kronk gym is the hitman this time, not Inspector Gadget. By this point of the movie, it confuses the viewer and kind of drags.
At this point in the movie, I exited for 5 minutes to cater to my cat's stomach and must have missed an important piece of the puzzle. But from what I can gather, Crenna's colleague is on the take and squeals on the mafia boss, which no one fears. So, Joe C in the Benny Hill wig is finally arrested and put in the big house for espionage and the importation of cheap knockoff toupees.
Maybe I wasn't paying attention, but Olivia is Inspector Gadget. Olivia. It was Olivia. She's The Sin Sniper. Olivia. I know what you're thinking because I'm thinking the same thing too - who's Olivia? Was she even in the movie for most part? That's your big reveal, movie? I can't remember her from earlier. Was I supposed to?
The movie's no 'Tightrope' and kind of a let-down.
Can you believe I'm actually rewinding a videotape? I haven't done that since, what, 2008?