Pop your LSD, 'cause here's a movie even Cronenberg would be proud of.
Obi-One Kenobi is on a 6-day 'shroom binge when, out of nowhere, up pops a bandmember from Tangerine Dream cloaked in Jedi knight fatigues.
Not a word is spoken as a face-off unfolds, but the big revelation is that the Sith Lord is in fact Tori Amos' Cornflake Girl who turned to the Darkside, much to the disappointment of Kenobi.
The opening scene doesn't explain its purpose.
A biblical figure with beautiful eyes - name withheld - then preaches campfire stories and indoctrinates a bunch of vanilla monk children who all hang off his every word like brainwashed zombies.
Only ten minutes in, and not one word spoken so far has made any sense.
The biblical figurehead with the pretty eyes has a stroke when he realizes that he's forever trapped in 1970 with no way of returning to ancient times.
Bishop, from 'Terminator,' attends a basketball game and ogles over cheerleaders like Lester Burnham while Regan MacNeil walks the outer court in Kurt Cobain Locs as chilling music lets us know that basketball can shiver your timbers and possess balls that explode in the dribblers faces for no reason other than discrimination against basketball players.
Kenobi arrives in the future like 'Highlander' and hooks up with that traitor Turkey who defected to The Baldies.
They assemble the rest of the vanilla monks and display their beekeeping skills to showcase that the future lies in honey.
Bishop, from 'Terminator,' congregates with Gorbachev and his ring of merry men to thwart the beekeepers plan for world dominance through syrup takeover.
Kenobi taunts Regan - five-yard penalty - and provides her with a loaded handgun for her birthday, so she blows her mother away for no reason.
She's flesh wounded as a result, and the movie jumps all over the shop, from a possessed child doing gymnastics to a woman shooting up heroin and roasting on a rotisserie machine.
Even though Regan attempted to kill her mother, she holds no grudges toward her murderous daughter and seems to be happy to be left paralyzed.
Hyacinth from 'Keeping Up Appearances' is hired to babysit Regan, which results in a lot of child abuse and torment.
The evil shadow men on the rooftop protect their beehive boxes while Kenobi oversees their commitment to be turned into worker ants through silhouetted curtain dance moves and shaved head loyalty as proof of their dedication and devotion toward the queen bee, who I'm assuming is the devil child, Regan.
A detective, with a stained lower lip and a propensity to spy on elementary children, searches Regan's residency without a warrant, steals a thrift store bird statue, and is attacked for doing so by a real-life baby falcon who's killed at the end by Hyacinth.
The baby falcon causes our detective to crash in Ducky Boy territory, which angers them, so they rob the dying man of his wallet and car parts and set fire to him alive.
Not making one ounce of sense, Kenobi, dressed in safari attire, removes his ankle monitor and spies on underage children at a skating rink.
Somehow, without a green card, Kenobi lands a job as a babysitter, even though he's registered on a database.
In a small world, out of all the people he's assigned - Regan.
He lines his pockets full of candy and plays video games with the minor, which leaves one questioning if his motives are sinister with underlying tendencies.
And what happened to his mission about controlling the rooftop bee people? I thought Hyacinth was in charge of Regan.
Kenobi further confuses the movie by pulling the covers off a rooftop pool and confessing his sinister plot to the wheelchair mother who was abducted the previous night by Close encounter aliens who are operatives of Gorbachev's secret society.
Hey, I'm doing the best I can. If you think you can interpret this movie any better, then be my guest and go your hardest.
Kenobi lures Regan to the rooftop of his honey pool experiment, where she's greeted by the vanilla monks, who are just as creepy as every other weirdo in this.
Losing his composure and using the force with anger, Kenobi kills a hotdog standman for no reason, leaving him not standing.
He then taunts Regan in a house of mirrors, like she's Conan the destroyer. (Another yellow flag penalty.) He does a number on her for some reason and keeps rambling on about children, which surely must be setting off red flags by now.
Using stock footage, Kenobi opens the covers of the rooftop pool again in an attempt to communicate with the Close Encounter or Space Invader aliens, while an exorcism is performed on Regan that fails miserably and results in her murdering her mother a second time, but a mob of killer pigeons is substituted over locusts this time as this is no 'Exorcist 2' and they come to save the day, but this movie needed to come with an instruction manual as it's directionless and pointless.
Obi-One Kenobi is on a 6-day 'shroom binge when, out of nowhere, up pops a bandmember from Tangerine Dream cloaked in Jedi knight fatigues.
Not a word is spoken as a face-off unfolds, but the big revelation is that the Sith Lord is in fact Tori Amos' Cornflake Girl who turned to the Darkside, much to the disappointment of Kenobi.
The opening scene doesn't explain its purpose.
A biblical figure with beautiful eyes - name withheld - then preaches campfire stories and indoctrinates a bunch of vanilla monk children who all hang off his every word like brainwashed zombies.
Only ten minutes in, and not one word spoken so far has made any sense.
The biblical figurehead with the pretty eyes has a stroke when he realizes that he's forever trapped in 1970 with no way of returning to ancient times.
Bishop, from 'Terminator,' attends a basketball game and ogles over cheerleaders like Lester Burnham while Regan MacNeil walks the outer court in Kurt Cobain Locs as chilling music lets us know that basketball can shiver your timbers and possess balls that explode in the dribblers faces for no reason other than discrimination against basketball players.
Kenobi arrives in the future like 'Highlander' and hooks up with that traitor Turkey who defected to The Baldies.
They assemble the rest of the vanilla monks and display their beekeeping skills to showcase that the future lies in honey.
Bishop, from 'Terminator,' congregates with Gorbachev and his ring of merry men to thwart the beekeepers plan for world dominance through syrup takeover.
Kenobi taunts Regan - five-yard penalty - and provides her with a loaded handgun for her birthday, so she blows her mother away for no reason.
She's flesh wounded as a result, and the movie jumps all over the shop, from a possessed child doing gymnastics to a woman shooting up heroin and roasting on a rotisserie machine.
Even though Regan attempted to kill her mother, she holds no grudges toward her murderous daughter and seems to be happy to be left paralyzed.
Hyacinth from 'Keeping Up Appearances' is hired to babysit Regan, which results in a lot of child abuse and torment.
The evil shadow men on the rooftop protect their beehive boxes while Kenobi oversees their commitment to be turned into worker ants through silhouetted curtain dance moves and shaved head loyalty as proof of their dedication and devotion toward the queen bee, who I'm assuming is the devil child, Regan.
A detective, with a stained lower lip and a propensity to spy on elementary children, searches Regan's residency without a warrant, steals a thrift store bird statue, and is attacked for doing so by a real-life baby falcon who's killed at the end by Hyacinth.
The baby falcon causes our detective to crash in Ducky Boy territory, which angers them, so they rob the dying man of his wallet and car parts and set fire to him alive.
Not making one ounce of sense, Kenobi, dressed in safari attire, removes his ankle monitor and spies on underage children at a skating rink.
Somehow, without a green card, Kenobi lands a job as a babysitter, even though he's registered on a database.
In a small world, out of all the people he's assigned - Regan.
He lines his pockets full of candy and plays video games with the minor, which leaves one questioning if his motives are sinister with underlying tendencies.
And what happened to his mission about controlling the rooftop bee people? I thought Hyacinth was in charge of Regan.
Kenobi further confuses the movie by pulling the covers off a rooftop pool and confessing his sinister plot to the wheelchair mother who was abducted the previous night by Close encounter aliens who are operatives of Gorbachev's secret society.
Hey, I'm doing the best I can. If you think you can interpret this movie any better, then be my guest and go your hardest.
Kenobi lures Regan to the rooftop of his honey pool experiment, where she's greeted by the vanilla monks, who are just as creepy as every other weirdo in this.
Losing his composure and using the force with anger, Kenobi kills a hotdog standman for no reason, leaving him not standing.
He then taunts Regan in a house of mirrors, like she's Conan the destroyer. (Another yellow flag penalty.) He does a number on her for some reason and keeps rambling on about children, which surely must be setting off red flags by now.
Using stock footage, Kenobi opens the covers of the rooftop pool again in an attempt to communicate with the Close Encounter or Space Invader aliens, while an exorcism is performed on Regan that fails miserably and results in her murdering her mother a second time, but a mob of killer pigeons is substituted over locusts this time as this is no 'Exorcist 2' and they come to save the day, but this movie needed to come with an instruction manual as it's directionless and pointless.