Supergirl (1984)
3/10
Supergirl
18 June 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I had known about this movie for years, including the name of its leading star, I knew it was meant to be terrible, but it was after the star's CGI cameo appearance in DC movie The Flash that inspired me to finally watch it, directed by Jeannot Szwarc (Jaws 2, Santa Claus: The Movie, Smallville, Heroes). Basically, Kara Zor-El (Helen Slater), cousin of Kal-El and Jor-El's niece, lives in an isolated Kryptonian community in Argo City; they survived the destruction of the planet Krypton after being transported into a pocket of trans-dimensional space, the Survival Zone. A unique and immensely powerful item known as the "Omegahedron", which powers Argo, has been borrowed by the wizard Zaltar (Razzie nominated Peter O'Toole), without the knowledge of the city's government. Zaltar allows Kara to use it; she creates a large flying insect which crashes through the window, causing a vacuum into space, and the Omegahedron is rocketed into space. Taking a pod ship, Kara follows the Omegahedron to Earth, where Superman ended up. She transforms into Supergirl and lands on the planet to find and recover the Omegahedron and save Argo City. When Supergirl arrives, she discovers her new powers greanted by the environment and the radiation of the sun. She has her first experiences of flying and explores the planet. Meanwhile, Selena (Razzie nominated Faye Dunaway) is a power-hungry would-be witch, assisted by the useless Bianca (Brenda Vaccaro), and in a terrible relationship with warlock Nigel (Peter Cook). Selena discovers the Omegahedron and its power and learns to master her true magic. Whilst looking for the Omegahedron, Kara creates the cover identity "Linda Lee", cousin of Clark Kent, and enrols at an all-girls school. There, she befriends Lucy Lane (Maureen Teefy), the younger sister of Lois Lane who happens to be studying there. Selena uses her magic to drug school groundskeeper Ethan (Hart Bochner) with a a love potion which will make him fall in love with the first person he sees for a day. Ethan regains consciousness in Selena's absence and wanders out into the streets. Angry by his disappearance, Selena uses her powers to animate a construction vehicle to retrieve Ethan, causing chaos as it drives down the street. Supergirl, in the guise of Linda, rescues Ethan, and he falls in love with her instead. Tracking the energy from the magic of the Omegahedron, Supergirl finds and confronts Selena. Ethan is captured by Selena and brought to her lair, while she traps Supergirl and sends her to the Phantom Zone, a prison dimension. Now powerless, Supergirl wanders the bleak landscape and nearly drowns in an oily bog. Eventually, she encounters Zaltar, who has exiled himself to the Phantom Zone as a punishment for losing the Omegahedron. Zaltar sacrifices himself to help Kara to escape through a vortex atop a steep cliff. Back on Earth, Selena uses the Omegahedron to make herself a "princess of Earth" with Ethan as her lover and consort. Emerging from the Phantom Zone through a mirror, Supergirl regains her powers and confronts Selena. She uses the Omegahedron to summon a gigantic shadow demon. The demon is close to defeating Supergirl when she hears Zaltar's voice urging her to fight on. Supergirl breaks free, Nigel has a change of heart, and tells her the only way to defeat Selena is to turn the demon against her. Supergirl creates a focused whirlwind to trap Selena, she is attacked and incapacitated by the demon, and Bianca is pulled into the whirlwind as well. Selena, Bianca, and the demon are sucked through the mirror portal, which promptly reforms, trapping them all forever. Ethan is freed from Selena's spell; he expresses his feeling for Linda as Supergirl, knowing they are the same person. She tells him she must return to save Argo City and that he may not see her again. Kara returns the Omegahedron to a darkened Argo City, which then lights up again. Also starring Mia Farrow as Alura, Supergirl's mother, Simon Ward as Zor-El, Supergirl's mother, Marc McClure as Jimmy Olsen, Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons' David Healy as Mr. Danvers, Sandra Dickinson as Pretty Young Lady, and Honey, I Shrunk the Kids' Matt Frewer as Eddie the Truck Driver. Slater is pretty and looks good in the outfit, but she is weak as a convincing heroine, Dunaway is spirited but irritating as the over-the-top villainess, talented O'Toole adds little to the party, neither does Cook as the villain's on-off boyfriend, and Bochner is dull as dishwater as the man who fancies Supergirl. The only positive I can find is that the score by Jerry Goldsmith is sweeping in the opening credits and the flying sequences, and maybe one or two of the rescue scenes. Unfortunately, it is let down by a silly script, daft performances, naff dialogue, a cheesy atmosphere, average special effects, and it is too long, no wonder it was a critical failure and a box office bomb, a disappointing and near pointless superhero fantasy. Adequate!
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