She's all tease
27 January 2023
Filmed in 1981 (and retaining its original shooting title as a subtitle "The Protectors Book #1"), "Angel of H. E. A. T." is a softcore sex science-fiction comedy failing to establish porn star Marilyn Chambers, in her second R-rated opus after "Rabid", as a female James Bond. Same territory was covered a decade ago in the successful "Ginger" series starring Cheri Caffaro, but the theatrical market has changed, leaving "H. E. A. T." unreleased and currently being telecast as cable-tv filler, as well as a homevideo title.

Stuck with an unfunny, sniggering screenplay, filmmaker Myrfl A. Schreibman goes for a silly tongue-in-cheek approach reminiscent of the spy spoofs of the 1960s, but the cast's arch readings become tiresome. His previous sci-fier (made with director Robert Fiveson) "Parts: The Clonus Horror", was also silly, but at least played straight Hokey plotting, which features numerous pauses in the action for verbal plot exposition, recaps and even a final wrapp, provides a surplus of good guys and a paucity of villains. Angel Harmony (Marilyn Chambers) leads a special unit of 'The Protectors', ex-intelligence agents turned international vigilantes, called "H. E. A. T. (acronym undefined), while Mark Wisdom (Stephen Johnson) and Samantha Vitesse (Mary Woronov) are government agents working parallel to her on the same mission.

Everyone's goal is to stop megalomaniacal scientist Albert Shockley (Dan Jesse), who is out to control the world with the aid of his android henchmen and high-frequency communications. Preposterous gimmick has his dwarf aide Randy Small (Jerry Riley) fronting a casino in Lake Tahoe where lab employees are bilked, forcing them to steal micro-circuits to pay their gambling debts and thus facilitate Shockley's Earth takeover bid.

Unfortunately, film wanders for the first few reels, with lots of dumb puns, bare breasts and failed gags, such as subtitles (with Yiddish words) for an all-American guy who talks with a Chinese accent and German accent for an oriental martial arts expert. There's also mud wrestling as a diversion and sex-crazed androids but precious little attention to the story.

Martial arts action scenes are poorly-executed, with the picture lacking the budget to compete with James Bond in stunts and special effects gimmickry. Chambers is convincingly sexy but the R-rated format restricts her and the film to teasing only. Interesting casting has the star of "Eating Raoul", Mary Woronov, who vaguely resembles Chambers physically (but is much taller) cast opposite her as a rival agent and later teammate. A surprisingly amoral touch has Woronov's lesbian role treated quite matter-of-factly.

Tech credits are good, with attractive lensing by Jacques Haitkin in the Lake Tahoe region. As lightweight, low-involvement entertainment, feature could work on the drive-in circuit or overseas where Bond imitations have an audience.

My review was written in July 1983 after watching the film on Cinemax.
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