3/10
Her not so secret garden
20 August 2022
Warning: Spoilers
I always wondered, as a child of the 70s, why everyone cared so much about the 50s. Now, as an old man in the 2020s, I wonder why everyone cares so much about the 80s. Time is a flat circle.

Director William A. Levey made some wild movies. There's Blackenstein for starters. How about the Harry Novak movie Wam Bam Thank You Spaceman? Or The Happy Hooker Goes to Washington? Not enough? How's Skatetown U. S. A.? Or another Cannon movie, Lightning, the White Stallion? Hmm? Well, let me ask you, have you seen Monaco Forever, one of the first Van Damme movies? Or Hellgate, a rape revenge occult back from the dead movie with Arnold Horshack as one of the leads?

He also wrote the story for this movie (actor Frank Framer did his only scriptwriter on this), a tell-all about how some 50s girls lost their virginity. That said, this isn't a Her Secret Garden movie. It's still a softcore sex romp for guys, as evidenced by the sapphic barnyard scene and underwater camera that gets all the angles, like a pervert at an Irving Klaw camera club. Oh yeah, there's also a scene where the girls discuss how much they like when their dads spank them.

I don't want to be high and mighty here. After all, I can appreciate the charms of the leads: a very young Debra Winger, even before she was Wonder Girl in that backdoor Wonder Woman pilot, and in her book Undiscovered, she will only say of this movie "A cigar-smoking agent had signed me while I was waitressing, but that only resulted in a blue movie."; Noelle North from Carrie and Blood Song; Pamela Wood - Janet from Terror at Red Wolf Inn; Superchick herself Joyce Jillson, Bridget Holloman from Evils of the Night; Mary Appleseth of Planet of the Dinosaurs and most essentially, Cheryl Rainbeaux Smith, the sadly lost former Runaway who was in everything from Lemora and Caged Heat to Massacre at Central High, the Michael Pataki-directed softcore Cinderella and Vice Squad.

If you want a movie with Joe E. Ross playing his Car 54, Where Are You role as well as near wall-to-wall nudity - as well as a drive-in scene where the kids go to see Cauldron of Blood which wouldn't come out for thirteen years after this - well, here it is.
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