Deep Water (I) (2022)
1/10
Slow, Boring, Frustrating, Dumb
20 March 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Kind of rich people (really rich before Reagan's tax cuts for the rich but just doing OK by billionaire standards of today), glamorous parties where everyone looks fab, a beautiful, talented wife he adores, and her string of boys she flaunts in front of him, like a cat that brings a dead mouse in the house just so you can see it, except hubby does the killing in this home.

Once again, from the very beginning I can tell this won't be good because of the runtime of 1h54m which is way too long for this genre of film. Period. 1h30m is what this should be, but because it's for streaming services, they feel they have different rules and just want to plug up more over the viewers time, like their building a dyke to hold in our collective free time. With the extra twenty-four minutes, maybe we can read a few pages of a good book with a much better story than this one, like the one Patricia Highsmith wrote upon which this movie is based.

How to shave off extra minute ideas:

  • fewer cute kid bits (and FYI, kids her age who do science experiments don't listen to "Old McDonald")


  • Less time showing how the beautiful people have a good time, because it looks really boring. Seriously, drinking games? Is this a frat house?


  • Cut out hubby looking at wife with malice in his eyes while she cuckolds him, which brings me to what I really didn't like about this movie.


Dude, just divorce her. The director really wasn't able to convince me why he would stay with her. In fact, he never even tried. Why didn't the wife leave him? It made no sense and was crucial to the story.

Ugh, another story of a rich guy talking to a cop when he really should know to keep his mouth shut. In this day and age, I hate stories where this happens. "I don't have anything to hide." Dude, even if you are completely innocent and have the Pope as an alibi, you never talk to the cops. Everyone knows that, except bad writers it seems. "Would you be willing to take a lie detector test?" he's asked, to which he answers, "Sure, get one."

And speaking of talking, the wife discusses fleeing to Brazil with her lover on the phone while her husband is steps away from her? Even for an unbelievably indiscreet woman, she has no discretion (he dead lover is barely in the ground, and she already has a new one with whom she plans to run away). And does she have to invite them all over to the house?

Why does Vic have to be wealthy and a chip maker for drones? This part has nothing to do with the story and should have been left out entirely. Who cares? Why bother telling us about his snail fetish? It just takes up time and tells us nothing. Cut thirty minutes out of this and it may have been tolerable. It wasn't tolerable and took me all day to watch as I cleaned, cooked, played piano, read a bit and never really caring enough to get to the end of this mess.

Can I ask film directors a personal question? Why do you guys shoot so many scenes in the dark where literally only about five percent of the screen is visible? Even if the scene is supposed to be at night, there's no need to make it so dark that nothing is discernible. If you don't want us to see images, maybe you should be working in radio.

This really isn't a criticism of the movie, but first we're in Louisiana and then he's out mountain biking? And even riding down a switchback, you can't catch a car on a bike. Just silly and stupid...and then for the stupidity coup de grace, there is a coyote and road runner finale with the guy driving off a cliff...in Louisiana.
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