TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (2022) is the latest in a line of blood-draining (pun intended) Hollywood exercises in futility. Thankfully, I was able to watch this movie immediately with a Netflix subscription instead of wasting my time in the theatre. How is it possible for modern writers to keep aiming so low and going even below THAT? I just saw Halloween Kills a few months ago and at the time, that was the dumbest collection of characters I've seen a horror movie in years, but the ones in this film take the cake. This movie is loaded with cliche after cliche of characters saying dumb things and making dumb decisions, or simply doing nothing. The 4 main characters are all forgettable and annoying. I've actually the 2 actresses playing the sisters in other stuff and they aren't the worst I've ever seen, but when writing is this bad, no amount of decent acting can save it. And I wouldn't even call the acting decent in this. More like non-existent.
First things first, what were they wearing? Lol Is this how young people dress nowadays? I'm no fashion designer but even I know when outfits look like a person just threw some crap together and called it a day. To the dumb decisions we go. Why didn't the main quartet of influencers drive off at the gas station when they were done? They just stuck around long enough for main girl to antagonize the Texas local, who as it turns out was their contractor at the ghost town. Why did the blonde girl volunteer to go with the old lady to the hospital? That's not her responsibility or fault she had a heart attack. Just give the Sheriff your number and they can call you or text you to let you know how she is. How did Leatherface magically transport himself from the upstairs to inside the back of the police van?
After the crash, why didn't blonde girl get the Sheriff's gun while Leatherface was putting together his mask? Even better, get the gun and get out and start running. Why did contractor guy take the bus keys and punish the guests? If he thinks they took over the old lady's house illegally, just quit working and leave to contact the authorities and let them handle it. Why did main girl mess around upstairs so long? Just climb out a window, you're only on the second floor. And during her what felt like hours under the bed, why didn't she grab the contractor's gun while he and Leatherface were fighting?
Then there's all the cliche female badassery (1) The younger sister character with her cliche 1-dimensional trauma that she must overcome so she can be the final girl. I couldn't care less. (2) The final girl from the original 1974 movie is Sarah Connor 2.0 in her twilight years. Instead of being traumatized and going far away, she spends 50 years of her life hunting Leatherface and then when she finds him, makes dumb decision after dumb decision. I thought with age comes wisdom. Apparently not this woman. She's got 2 innocent girls in the back of her car and decides to use them as bait. Some hero. Then there's the cliche gun won't shoot right when you need it the most. And at the end, the main girl barely scrapes Leatherface on the head and instead of cutting him up into bits and pieces with the chainsaw, her and her dumb younger sister opt to just stand there and stare at him as he submerges in some shallow puddle of water.
On the plus side, the action got going pretty fast in this movie as it didn't waste time with the killing. The minus side is that meant I had to watch cliche horror movie characters being dumb for a full hour. Don't let the short running time fool you. This movie is one of the longest 1 hours, 20 minutes of my life. When I don't have the patience to sit through a barely over an hour movie, you know it's bad.
First things first, what were they wearing? Lol Is this how young people dress nowadays? I'm no fashion designer but even I know when outfits look like a person just threw some crap together and called it a day. To the dumb decisions we go. Why didn't the main quartet of influencers drive off at the gas station when they were done? They just stuck around long enough for main girl to antagonize the Texas local, who as it turns out was their contractor at the ghost town. Why did the blonde girl volunteer to go with the old lady to the hospital? That's not her responsibility or fault she had a heart attack. Just give the Sheriff your number and they can call you or text you to let you know how she is. How did Leatherface magically transport himself from the upstairs to inside the back of the police van?
After the crash, why didn't blonde girl get the Sheriff's gun while Leatherface was putting together his mask? Even better, get the gun and get out and start running. Why did contractor guy take the bus keys and punish the guests? If he thinks they took over the old lady's house illegally, just quit working and leave to contact the authorities and let them handle it. Why did main girl mess around upstairs so long? Just climb out a window, you're only on the second floor. And during her what felt like hours under the bed, why didn't she grab the contractor's gun while he and Leatherface were fighting?
Then there's all the cliche female badassery (1) The younger sister character with her cliche 1-dimensional trauma that she must overcome so she can be the final girl. I couldn't care less. (2) The final girl from the original 1974 movie is Sarah Connor 2.0 in her twilight years. Instead of being traumatized and going far away, she spends 50 years of her life hunting Leatherface and then when she finds him, makes dumb decision after dumb decision. I thought with age comes wisdom. Apparently not this woman. She's got 2 innocent girls in the back of her car and decides to use them as bait. Some hero. Then there's the cliche gun won't shoot right when you need it the most. And at the end, the main girl barely scrapes Leatherface on the head and instead of cutting him up into bits and pieces with the chainsaw, her and her dumb younger sister opt to just stand there and stare at him as he submerges in some shallow puddle of water.
On the plus side, the action got going pretty fast in this movie as it didn't waste time with the killing. The minus side is that meant I had to watch cliche horror movie characters being dumb for a full hour. Don't let the short running time fool you. This movie is one of the longest 1 hours, 20 minutes of my life. When I don't have the patience to sit through a barely over an hour movie, you know it's bad.