I will say this: thanks to the lack of a host, the ceremony went by a lot less vexingly than it could have done. I can count the total number of cringe moments on all of my appendages. That's nothing compared to what I'm used to.
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- The Opening Number: You almost had me believing that this sh-t would be thoroughly exciting to sit through for a sec! The awkward attempts at audience participation were pretty hilarious, too, although I'm a little confused. The costumes suggest a "snubbed films" theme, what with the obvious Dolemite and Midsommar suits, yet some of the other dancers were inspired by Joker and Janelle was clearly doing A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood - both of those were nominated. Whatevs.
- The Recognition For Parasite In General: Since I haven't quite swallowed the narrative that nominating Bong Joon-ho, Lee Ha-jun, Cho Won-woo, Yang Jin-mo, and Han Jin-won is equivalent to the Academy "ignoring" Asians this year, I would say, on the contrary, that it is a sign of overdue progress that the masterful creators of South Korea are getting the recognition they deserve. If we are to truly, genuinely celebrate excellence in cinema, only looking within (and sometimes a little bit around) the Hollywood bubble isn't enough. And the Oscars may not truly matter - their opinions don't determine which pieces of art last forever - but the fact is, they help creators get more attention and funding, which Bong deserves without a doubt. And everyone else knows this, hence why they pushed for the Parasite crew to truly finish their speeches at the end of the show. And now that I'm done talking about something that I unironically appreciated, let us move on...
- Nightmare Creatures From Cats: Good.
- Rudolph And Wiigs' Little Song: We get it, it's very cute. The faces you're making are so funny. But to me, the great thing about this one is how the Academy, in lieu of an insufferable host, feels the need to think up other ways to waste our time.
- Colman Being All Real: I just remembered how happy I am she won during a completely different ceremony.
- Bong's Shoutouts To His Fellow Nominees And His Cast: Oh Bong.
- Scorsese's GIF-able Faces: Oh Marty.
- Random Eminem In-Joke Performance: I dunno either, Billie. But then, I dunno why the f-ck you are here either. The Zoomers aren't gonna watch you, Oscars.
- Multilingual Elsa: I still think Aurora has the best pipes of the bunch, however, and it's a little bit funny that the big Disney movie of the year only managed a Best Song nomination, and despite doing something this "progressive", still lost to my boy Elton. And while I'm on the subject of song nominations...
- Randy Newman Being Randy Newman: I like you, Randy, so I guess I'll try to get over the inevitable reality of Disney/Pixar winning Best Animated Feature over Klaus.