Threes, on my ratings scale, are the movies I really hate the most. Twos aren't as bad, because I never get any real investment in them because of how broken they are. Ones aren't as bad at all, because they're usually so horrifyingly boring that I already have lost any interest in them at all, and with no interest there is no investment.
Fours are movies that fall apart. My basic Four is THE HUNGER GAMES, a strange example for a Four, because I actually enjoy the movie, pretty much. The third act falls apart, and enough mistakes are made throughout the film to support it getting a Four, in spite of it being rather enjoyable.
Fives are right in the middle, movies I can't hate or love, and have enough problems and good parts to put them right in the middle. Sixes are fun to watch but really don't have any kind of core mechanic or heart to hold on to. Sevens are thematically impressive, but have plot troubles or inconsistencies that make it difficult to stick with the film.
Eights are like bronze stars, really good films that have minor flaws. Nines are like silver medals, excellent films with nagging issues that keep them just shy of the grand prize. And Tens, even though more than one of my Tens is by far a perfect picture, BLOW ME AWAY. Anything that I see that can affect me for days, weeks, even YEARS down the road deserves a Ten, simply by the impact that the art has had on me.
But the Threes are left for those movies that had wasted potential. Movies that had grand, even wonderful ideas and totally shat all over them, either for the sake of Hollywood, for the sake of the actors, or for some other dumb reason that befuddles me as I painfully think of how great a film COULD be, if only it would get the hell out of its own way and allow itself to be wonderful.
A Three very directly explains the breadth of Tyler Perry's entire career.
THE BOOK OF ELI stars Denzel Washington as Eli, and he is the very best of this film, which is why it is such a terrible shame that everything around it is little more than a set of confused jokes and terrible choices. Eli wanders the post-"Flash" landscape, below green skies, through grey rubble, and over brown dirt. While the shots give you the idea of just how #$%^ed the world around Eli is, they're more bland than inspiring, more blah than horrifying.
He's carrying a precious artifact with the presumed power to save all of Mankind (what's left of it), and there's some real power in the tale that's being told considering this Maguffin, but I won't spoil it for you here.
Chasing him as the predatory heavy is the always wonderful Gary Oldman as Carnegie, a man desperately searching for a particular book that he eventually figures out Eli might be carrying. Thus, the plot of the movie (sort of) ensues. Gary wants the book, Eli's probably got the book, so go, cronies, and get the book.
The extras in the film bring the movie down. Jennifer Beals plays Claudia, mother of Mila Kunis' character Solara. While Jennifer doesn't really take anything away or add anything to the story (minus a lovely up-yours near the end of the film), Mila is completely miscast for this role.
Or maybe it's mis-written.
Her actions are the definition of naive, she brings no real sense of command to the role that she's been given, which is at best somebody for Eli to talk to as he traverses the nowhere of the world, protecting his book. She wanders when she's told not to, brings no weapons into the outworld which makes no sense considering the lovely array of what passes for human beings that come through her hometown on a near-regular basis, she's humorless, and pointless at best.
Don't get me wrong--I've seen Mila act. I know she can. But the role she's been given here doesn't fit her in the least, and everything she does brings you more irritation than plot as you watch her fumble around in Denzel's shadow.
There's a scene involving the wonderful Michael Gambon that's anything but wonderful, in which one of the only left standing houses in existence is inhabited by him and his loving wife (played by Frances de la Tour), aptly named George and Martha as an attempt to bring humor into this humorless film. It fails.
I don't want to spoil anything, so I have to stop. I have to write a spoiler-laden review after this, just because I want to.
Bottom line, this is a film that defines wasted potential. Where they could have had art, they went Hollywood. Where they could have had Wow, they went Meh, instead. If only somebody could fix this disaster, and maybe re-work it into a better film, I'd be all in favor of it. Of course somehow you'd have to try and preserve the surprise near the end (I told you I won't spoil it).
Watch this film if you are interested in filling in the places that are terrible with better notions in your head. Watch this film if you are studying film direction, and want to learn what NOT to do with your plot. Watch this film if you're drunk and just don't care what you're looking at, because you won't remember it the next day anyway.
Otherwise, DON'T.
Fours are movies that fall apart. My basic Four is THE HUNGER GAMES, a strange example for a Four, because I actually enjoy the movie, pretty much. The third act falls apart, and enough mistakes are made throughout the film to support it getting a Four, in spite of it being rather enjoyable.
Fives are right in the middle, movies I can't hate or love, and have enough problems and good parts to put them right in the middle. Sixes are fun to watch but really don't have any kind of core mechanic or heart to hold on to. Sevens are thematically impressive, but have plot troubles or inconsistencies that make it difficult to stick with the film.
Eights are like bronze stars, really good films that have minor flaws. Nines are like silver medals, excellent films with nagging issues that keep them just shy of the grand prize. And Tens, even though more than one of my Tens is by far a perfect picture, BLOW ME AWAY. Anything that I see that can affect me for days, weeks, even YEARS down the road deserves a Ten, simply by the impact that the art has had on me.
But the Threes are left for those movies that had wasted potential. Movies that had grand, even wonderful ideas and totally shat all over them, either for the sake of Hollywood, for the sake of the actors, or for some other dumb reason that befuddles me as I painfully think of how great a film COULD be, if only it would get the hell out of its own way and allow itself to be wonderful.
A Three very directly explains the breadth of Tyler Perry's entire career.
THE BOOK OF ELI stars Denzel Washington as Eli, and he is the very best of this film, which is why it is such a terrible shame that everything around it is little more than a set of confused jokes and terrible choices. Eli wanders the post-"Flash" landscape, below green skies, through grey rubble, and over brown dirt. While the shots give you the idea of just how #$%^ed the world around Eli is, they're more bland than inspiring, more blah than horrifying.
He's carrying a precious artifact with the presumed power to save all of Mankind (what's left of it), and there's some real power in the tale that's being told considering this Maguffin, but I won't spoil it for you here.
Chasing him as the predatory heavy is the always wonderful Gary Oldman as Carnegie, a man desperately searching for a particular book that he eventually figures out Eli might be carrying. Thus, the plot of the movie (sort of) ensues. Gary wants the book, Eli's probably got the book, so go, cronies, and get the book.
The extras in the film bring the movie down. Jennifer Beals plays Claudia, mother of Mila Kunis' character Solara. While Jennifer doesn't really take anything away or add anything to the story (minus a lovely up-yours near the end of the film), Mila is completely miscast for this role.
Or maybe it's mis-written.
Her actions are the definition of naive, she brings no real sense of command to the role that she's been given, which is at best somebody for Eli to talk to as he traverses the nowhere of the world, protecting his book. She wanders when she's told not to, brings no weapons into the outworld which makes no sense considering the lovely array of what passes for human beings that come through her hometown on a near-regular basis, she's humorless, and pointless at best.
Don't get me wrong--I've seen Mila act. I know she can. But the role she's been given here doesn't fit her in the least, and everything she does brings you more irritation than plot as you watch her fumble around in Denzel's shadow.
There's a scene involving the wonderful Michael Gambon that's anything but wonderful, in which one of the only left standing houses in existence is inhabited by him and his loving wife (played by Frances de la Tour), aptly named George and Martha as an attempt to bring humor into this humorless film. It fails.
I don't want to spoil anything, so I have to stop. I have to write a spoiler-laden review after this, just because I want to.
Bottom line, this is a film that defines wasted potential. Where they could have had art, they went Hollywood. Where they could have had Wow, they went Meh, instead. If only somebody could fix this disaster, and maybe re-work it into a better film, I'd be all in favor of it. Of course somehow you'd have to try and preserve the surprise near the end (I told you I won't spoil it).
Watch this film if you are interested in filling in the places that are terrible with better notions in your head. Watch this film if you are studying film direction, and want to learn what NOT to do with your plot. Watch this film if you're drunk and just don't care what you're looking at, because you won't remember it the next day anyway.
Otherwise, DON'T.