3/10
As bland and basic as it could possibly get
10 May 2018
I grew up in a place and time when "The Thorn Birds" (1983 mini-series adaptation of a novel about a Catholic priest's forbidden love) was so hugely popular that, for at least a decade afterwards, references to and re-makes/adaptations of this premise kept popping up without losing the audience's attention. I mean, as far as "forbidden love" goes, this kind of premise is extremely advantageous: there's high stakes, there's tension, there's existential angst and crisis of faith, moral dilemmas and heartbreak...

You'd think it almost can't go wrong

But apparently it can, and it did in this film, which is SO bland and uninspired it's painful to watch.

The young (uber-hunk) priest is struggling with grief and a general lack of faith, but only in words. He repeats "I'm struggling with grief and a general lack of faith" several times throughout the film, but he totally fails to convince, despite the tears, because there isn't a story to back this up.

The woman (=love interest) character is totally random. She's apparently obsessed with death because life seems meaningless otherwise, but we don't find out anything about her that would turn her into a three-dimensional character. She's just quirky for the sake of being quirky. Everything she says (because this film is all about what people say, they don't really do much) amounts to "I'm so quirky, look at me, I'm so occasionally depressed and obsessed with death!"

And then there's the two supporting priest characters whose role and (lack of) depth can also be summed up in one-liners: there's the "I'm proper and wise and old-fashioned" and the "I'm quirky and rebellious and clearly here for comic relief, while also demonstrating that faith isn't necessarily about following all the rules or taking yourself too seriously".

Yeh so that's it. What I wrote above is the whole film. I swear there's absolutely nothing else in it. Every scene seems pointless because it just goes through the motions of its generic tag: "the crisis of faith scene", "the boy-meets-girl scene", "the break-up scene" oh and the should-have-been-powerful-but-ended-up-complete-nonsense "awkward dinner scene".

Don't waste your time. If the premise appeals to you so much go watch The Thorn Birds.
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