You know... there's varying levels of the concept of 'bad.' There's just plain-old bad. There's enjoyably bad. There's unintentionally bad. All sorts of different ways that simple, three-letter word can be used to give meaning to something. But then there's a film like "Texas Chainsaw 3D", a 2013 semi-sequel that seeks to continue the story right where the original Tobe Hooper masterpiece left off. It had potential. It really did. It boasted a high-concept story. It sought to connect itself to the iconic first film. It held the promise of top-notch modern day effects. It had so much going for it. And how did it end up? It ended up a very special type of that delightful term 'bad.' The type of 'bad' that's almost indescribable. Unforgivable, even. And most certainly unforgettable. "Texas Chainsaw 3D" emerges as not only indisputably the worst film of the franchise... but also indisputably one of the worst mainstream horror movies of all time. Yes. It is indeed THAT type of 'bad.'
Days after the events of the original massacre, the dreaded Sawyer family is all but completely wiped out in an act of vigilante justice, with seemingly the only survivor being a now-orphaned infant. Adopted by the same men who killed her family, decades later in the present day, the child- now named Heather (Alexandra Daddario)- has grown up and learns that she was adopted. What makes it all the more confusing is that despite the fact she should be in her 40's by this point, she's very clearly in her early 20's and acts as such. Which is just one of literally dozens of glaring plot-holes. But I digress... Heading out to Texas with a group of friends upon learning of her biological grandmother's supposed death, Heather is eventually confronted by her deadly past and encounters her relative 'Leatherface'- who begins to pick them off one-by-one. However, a series of troubling events will make Heather question her allegiances and motivations, as she is pulled between her current life and the call of her true lineage...
Oh, boy...
To get it out of the way, it's almost impossible to view this film without picking up on the unending plethora of errors, mistakes and general displays of incompetence that pop up in virtually every single scene. From the mind-numbing timeline issue of having the modern-day protagonist being in her 20's despite having been born in the early 1970's... to laughably inept digital effects that look like they were ripped from a 1993 TV-movie... to the fact that the opening sequence actually paints the evil cannibal Sawyer clan as innocent victims of rednecks gone rogue... every since facet of "Texas Chainsaw 3D" is frankly devastatingly poorly conceived and handled. It's beyond hack-filmmaking in its execution. It's something else entirely. Something far worse. I genuinely do not know what was going through director John Luessenhop's head during production. How could he knowingly make something so fundamentally and insultingly broken without realizing it? Does he really have so little respect for his audience that he thinks we can't even do simple math?
Even beyond these unforgivable mistakes, the rest of the film is a complete and utter failure. Not a single darned thing works. Visually, the film is uninspired and drab, with flat lighting and poorly framed shots that don't inspire tension or even really flow well outside of one or two early sequences. And it's made all the worse by the over-gimmicky 3D that intrudes repeatedly throughout the film at an inconsistent pace. It's like they forgot the film was supposed to be in 3D, so they jarringly added a few random effects in here and there that instantly take you out of the movie because they clash with everything else. Again... beyond hack in its execution. The script by a small army of writers is a bland mish-mash of every cliché in the book, and filled to burst with nonsensical inconsistencies and insane contrivances that aim to raise the bar on the series... but only succeed in tanking it over and over again.
The cast is just ridiculous. The women are all over-sexualized and completely vapid thanks to the awful writing, and the actresses assembled seem completely inorganic in the roles. Lead Daddario in particular being woefully bad, inducing far too many uncomfortable cringes in the audience as she stumbles through the film. She's looks like an uncomfortable child in a school play. And Tania Raymonde is too far over-the-top as Heather's slinky friend Nikki, and quickly grates the nerves within seconds of appearing. Not that the men fare any better at all- mainly serving as either cheap eye-candy or blatant storytelling devices. Trey Songz falls completely flat as Heather's boyfriend in a one-note performance that shows the dangers of stunt-casting semi-popular singers in film roles. Paul Rae is unintentionally hilarious as a conniving mayor who pops up now and again. And for the love of god... can we please stop trying to make Scott Eastwood a thing?
"Texas Chainsaw 3D" is a cynical piece of trash from a cynical filmmaker who clearly does not care one bit that he's tanking horror royalty. There's no other way to say it. It's amongst the worst horror films I've ever seen and it insults the audience again and again, all while destroying the integrity of that classic original film. It's a 1 out of 10. Avoid like the freaking plague.
Days after the events of the original massacre, the dreaded Sawyer family is all but completely wiped out in an act of vigilante justice, with seemingly the only survivor being a now-orphaned infant. Adopted by the same men who killed her family, decades later in the present day, the child- now named Heather (Alexandra Daddario)- has grown up and learns that she was adopted. What makes it all the more confusing is that despite the fact she should be in her 40's by this point, she's very clearly in her early 20's and acts as such. Which is just one of literally dozens of glaring plot-holes. But I digress... Heading out to Texas with a group of friends upon learning of her biological grandmother's supposed death, Heather is eventually confronted by her deadly past and encounters her relative 'Leatherface'- who begins to pick them off one-by-one. However, a series of troubling events will make Heather question her allegiances and motivations, as she is pulled between her current life and the call of her true lineage...
Oh, boy...
To get it out of the way, it's almost impossible to view this film without picking up on the unending plethora of errors, mistakes and general displays of incompetence that pop up in virtually every single scene. From the mind-numbing timeline issue of having the modern-day protagonist being in her 20's despite having been born in the early 1970's... to laughably inept digital effects that look like they were ripped from a 1993 TV-movie... to the fact that the opening sequence actually paints the evil cannibal Sawyer clan as innocent victims of rednecks gone rogue... every since facet of "Texas Chainsaw 3D" is frankly devastatingly poorly conceived and handled. It's beyond hack-filmmaking in its execution. It's something else entirely. Something far worse. I genuinely do not know what was going through director John Luessenhop's head during production. How could he knowingly make something so fundamentally and insultingly broken without realizing it? Does he really have so little respect for his audience that he thinks we can't even do simple math?
Even beyond these unforgivable mistakes, the rest of the film is a complete and utter failure. Not a single darned thing works. Visually, the film is uninspired and drab, with flat lighting and poorly framed shots that don't inspire tension or even really flow well outside of one or two early sequences. And it's made all the worse by the over-gimmicky 3D that intrudes repeatedly throughout the film at an inconsistent pace. It's like they forgot the film was supposed to be in 3D, so they jarringly added a few random effects in here and there that instantly take you out of the movie because they clash with everything else. Again... beyond hack in its execution. The script by a small army of writers is a bland mish-mash of every cliché in the book, and filled to burst with nonsensical inconsistencies and insane contrivances that aim to raise the bar on the series... but only succeed in tanking it over and over again.
The cast is just ridiculous. The women are all over-sexualized and completely vapid thanks to the awful writing, and the actresses assembled seem completely inorganic in the roles. Lead Daddario in particular being woefully bad, inducing far too many uncomfortable cringes in the audience as she stumbles through the film. She's looks like an uncomfortable child in a school play. And Tania Raymonde is too far over-the-top as Heather's slinky friend Nikki, and quickly grates the nerves within seconds of appearing. Not that the men fare any better at all- mainly serving as either cheap eye-candy or blatant storytelling devices. Trey Songz falls completely flat as Heather's boyfriend in a one-note performance that shows the dangers of stunt-casting semi-popular singers in film roles. Paul Rae is unintentionally hilarious as a conniving mayor who pops up now and again. And for the love of god... can we please stop trying to make Scott Eastwood a thing?
"Texas Chainsaw 3D" is a cynical piece of trash from a cynical filmmaker who clearly does not care one bit that he's tanking horror royalty. There's no other way to say it. It's amongst the worst horror films I've ever seen and it insults the audience again and again, all while destroying the integrity of that classic original film. It's a 1 out of 10. Avoid like the freaking plague.