The Babysitter (I) (2017)
1/10
Embarrassing, try-hard, phony movie
19 October 2017
This film is bad in pretty much every way. McG proves once again that he can't doesn't know how to direct a movie. This film is an hour and 20 minutes and felt like it was over 2 hours.

From the first few frames, this film is obnoxious in every conceivable way. The acting is smug and hammy, the dialogue is cringey, the music is derivative and everything about the plot line reeks of a middle aged man trying desperately to look like a cool kid.This is the "basic B*tch/Bro" of movies. The two leads early on have a "nerdy" conversation, but it's so vapid, it feels like it was written by someone at Buzzfeed who had only ever seen 2 or 3 mainstream blockbuster "nerd movies". It's the movie equivalent of a jock who pretends he's ultra geeky because he watches the Marvel movies.

The one phrase that perfectly sums up this movie is "over confidence". McG has seen these quick editing tricks and sound effects in other films by decent directors like Wright and Lord/Miller, and decided he would use that style in his movie without understanding why and how those directors use them in the first place.

The kid in this movie is not believable in the slightest as a loser because he looks like a young Leo DiCaprio. His character is set up as having a phobia of practically everything, yet instead of this coming into play, he acts like John McClane whenever a threat presents itself. This kid lives on a suburban street, yet when gunshots, screams and cop lights are going off every few seconds, NO-ONE hears in the houses 20 metres away. Everything else is contrived, the attempts at humour are embarrassing, and there's only one that lands, (a cutaway involving a knife in a dishwasher).

This film was hate-able in all aspects. Even the repetitive gore doesn't have any charm, because there have already been dozens of these wacky gory callback nostalgia films (Game of Death, Turbo Kid, Stranger Things) that have done it without feeling so empty and shallow.

DON'T WATCH THIS
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