Review of Zuma Beach

Pop singer in Los Angeles is told the record business has forgotten her--she had a hit single two years ago, but her last album lost money. She responds to this rejection by driving to the beach--her childhood sanctuary--to play in the sand and flirt with the impressionable 18-year-olds. History repeating itself: a sun-kissed 1970s update of the beach party genre, which hadn't been in vogue since the mid-'60s. Although written by John Carpenter (in his salad days) and William Schwartz, from a treatment by John Herman Shaner and Alvin Ramrus, this TV-movie has sunshine and wet sand to spare but doesn't have the canny lingo of hormone-crazed teenagers down right. Suzanne Somers, still riding high with "Three's Company", shows polish in the lead, but the younger players are hit-and-miss. Rosanna Arquette needs help rolling a joint, P.J. Soles is tired of playing volleyball, Timothy Hutton is training to be a lifeguard, Michael Biehn (as "J.D.") ruins Suzanne's sandcastle, and Tanya Roberts (with a belly-chain) is a knockout pretending to be just another dateless chick in the crowd. Not credible for one instant, and embarrassing when it tries for seriousness, but at least the scenarists keep it relatively clean. These kids want romance! How's that for a beach come-on?