Review of Cell

Cell (I) (2016)
1/10
Absolute garbage. Possible contestant for worst movie ever.
1 August 2016
I'm not talking about it being just a bad adaptation either, the book wasn't exactly King's best work, it was just his jab at a zombie story. However, even a King book that isn't great by his standards is still a good book. He always writes a good narrative and he always has some good and fleshed out characters that grow on you throughout the story.

The characters in this movie aren't fleshed out, and they don't grow on you at all. The book was heavily driven by dialogue and through the viewpoint of Clay, the protagonist. There was very little in the way of good dialogue in this movie, there was practically nothing in the way of character development.

The plot moved way too quickly to be good, as if they were just checking a list of locations from a list. As a result, the plot felt like a convoluted nightmare where it was impossible to care. I won't spoil the ending but if you watch it, just know it's perfectly normal to feel angry.

The movie also had a level of technical ineptitude I thought impossible, with shitty CGI and worse sound effects.

I could write for hours and hours about how bad this movie is, but that would be a bigger wall of text than I've written already. Watch at your own risk, but if you want an enjoyable apocalypse story just read the book instead.

If you're gonna watch, get a few shots of vodka down you first.
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