Review of Toxin

Toxin (2015)
3/10
Rarely a movie so lifeless, dull and stupid
30 May 2016
For some reason I always enjoy seeing Vinnie Jones. I don't know why. His movies and performance are getting worse every time, but I still watch them. And the movie has Danny Glover, of Lethal Weapon fame. How could this go wrong?

Easy. Vinnie is a minor thug of no consequence, Glover acts worse than a wooden plank - not kidding here, there were planks that didn't make me cringe in this film - and the hero of the story is Taylor Handley, from Dawson Creek, playing a bad ass soldier coming from Afghanistan. Yet it goes further than this: the CGI is painfully bad, the dialog is pathetic, the direction is worse than non-existent, it's suicidal and the acting of everyone involved is abysmal. I mean, the best actor of them all by far was C.S. Lee, Vince Masuka from Dexter. That should tell you how bad the whole thing was.

And yet, if this would have had an intriguing premise, brought something new to the table, added at least some element of tension, horror, drama or at least comedy, inadvertent or not, I would have been OK with its existence. Instead it is a completely worthless enterprise. More effort has been put into fake comments on IMDb than in any part of the film.

Bottom line: avoid it like you would a toxin that is actually a virus that grows spores on the walls of buildings.
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