3/10
Notorious German blockbuster from 1970
31 December 2015
There was a cultural phenomenon in Germany in the 1970ies and early 1980ies which everybody wants to forget - low key sex movies, hundreds off them, which fared well at the box office. "Schulmädchenreport" (Schoolgirl report) was not the first one of them, but the most successful one. It had 7 million viewers when it came out, which is often the number the most successful movies have in a year.

Schulmädchenreport spawned of 12 sequels and dozens more of copies. For me, it delves in the "so-bad-its-good" area. Every movie of this kind has its own perks, here its his fake authenticity and morality. All school girl movies were produced by Wolf Hartwig, written by Günther Heller and most of them were directed by Ernst Hofbauer. These three may have been some of the most cynical hacks in the movie world, thats why I give it three stars.

Schulmädchenreport starts off, as most of the sequels, pretending to be a documentary about what school girls want sexually. The main plot borrows from "12 angry men": On a field trip, school girl renate sneaks away from the group to do it with the bus driver. She gets caught naked and the headmaster, parents and teacher gather together to decide if she has to be kicked from the school. All talk against her, but dad an psychologist Mr. Bernauer steps in... and the smut begins. Bernauer, who is supposed to be a 1970ies liberal, but looks up to his huge pornstache exactly like that kind of dad who would vanish at night to go the porn cinema, tries to persuade the parents to keep Renate at the school by telling them various sex stories... Now various little episodes with school girls doing it come up, intermingled by supposedly real street interviews. The interviewer is unintentionally hilarious when he asks women in a harsh and strict voice if they masturbate and the likes.

The documentary approach was surely partly done by the producers to avoid censorship, and they were kind of a successful in this. But it also added to the cinematic treachery they pulled of - in a successful way to appeal to many target groups. By pretending it to be real stories and to understand what young women want, they surely got some hippie free love advocates in. But they also catered simultaneously to the middle-aged men of the type who usually look sex movies in cinemas.

Nearly all school girls here are depicted as horny and insatiable man traps. Visually the movies were kind of harmless, showing only full female nudity. The hilarity today ensues from the bullsh*t the producers wanted to tell us for real about the backstories of the sex scenes. Many of them are crass and disturbing. It starts off with the first story where a 15-year-old girl sleeps with her stepdad and lets us know in her commentary that she seduced him with 12. The common theme is that nearly all of the schoolgirls hook up with older or much older men, like that is what hey do. In the crassest episode this is even adressed verbally. Here, a school girl who is a virgin has an older boyfriend who tries to blackmail her emotionally into having sex with him - she still refuses. Fine so far, isn't it? But this is "Schulmädchenreport". Her friend turns up and tells her a long story which begins with an attempted rape (with the dubious statement: "I don't think a man can ever rape a woman if she does not want it a little"). Later she is focused by some lesbians and does it unenthusiastic with them, so a lesbo scene could be shoehorned in. Normal sex want work also, so she gives her girlfriend the advice to do it with older men like she does now. And the virgin goes back to their demanding boyfriend and does it with him. So far, so camp. The main plot ends totally in this wake: Renate can stay at the school and it ends with a kind of disturbing shot where the daddys bring their daughters home holding hands.
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