Bravo Two Zero (1999 TV Movie)
4/10
Lots of goofs in a poor BBC adaptation of the book
16 October 2015
Warning: Spoilers
Cheap-as-chips BBC war movie is hopeless from the start thanks to a ludicrous lack of realism, despite McNab's presence as military adviser behind the scenes. It strikes me that the excellent book by McNab was only skimmed superficially and then filmed, and certainly this television film barely resembles the riveting book which inspired it. In fact the only good thing about the whole production is Sean Bean's casting as McNab, once again Bean puts in a bravura performance, and his convincing turn here is the only nugget of gold in a whole mess of a production.

I reckon the BBC blew their budget on location filming in South Africa and the SAS training undertaken by the crew; everything does look cheap here, and for a film in which the effect largely depends on the realism, that isn't great. When the film can't even show you the guys getting out of the helicopter you wonder what you're in for. The African locations only barely resemble the original Iraqi landscape, for a start its far too flat and the BBC just didn't have to money to portray convincing below-zero temperates and unexpected snowfall. The camera cuts in close and stays close to the actors' faces, giving a claustrophobic feel even in the desert scenes, and something has definitely got to be wrong with that.

For some reason, Vince, Legs and Bob (the three who did not survive the mission) have their names changed to Ray, Baz and Tony, but seeing as they are named properly in the book you wonder just who this is protecting. The rest of the cast don't get much of a look in, but the characters don't come across at all and the actors are crap – Stan is portrayed as an idiot, Vince is played by a 16-stone guy who would never even some close to passing the selection process, and Chris is some long-haired chap, completely self-obsessed and arrogant. There are a couple of decent action sequences in the movie, done well on a low budget, with plenty of shooting and explosions, and I was glad that the film didn't shy away from the more gruesome and disgusting moments (like when Andy has to eat excrement). But because of length, whole swathes of plot and important detail is just cut out, leaving a choppy, poorly-edited mess of a film.

Lastly, the thing that really got to me was the lack of realism displayed here, in comparison to the book. I know it's a film and you have to hear what's going on, but having the characters shouting to each other whilst hiding in the wadi is just plain dumb; did the producers forget this was a covert mission, covert meaning stealth, not shouting like you're at a football match? There are other ludicrous moments like when we see Chris walking down a paved road to freedom, hmm, lucky he didn't get captured then, I thought he went cross-country necessarily to avoid being spotted. The biggest and most laughable flaw has to be Andy and his mates eating a bag of boiled sweets in the prison; I found that watching Bean crunching away on a sugary bit of confectionery, after reading in the book how McNab had his teeth smashed out so that it was painful to even breathe, simply and astoundingly inept.
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