Review of Dial Help

Dial Help (1988)
6/10
Stop answering the phone, you nutter
6 August 2014
Man, it's really difficult to make a haunted phone seem scary, eh? Ruggero Deodato tries his best, but I can't help get the feeling that it might have occurred to him halfway through that this might not have been the best idea. However, what you have is the eightiest looking late eighties Italian horror ever. Eighties! Model Jenny arrives in Rome looking for her buddy Marco, but ends up dialling the wrong number and getting through to a haunted answer machine system that lives in an abandoned building left over from Blade Runner. After killing a random cleaner with a telephone cord around the neck, the ghosts now start stalking Jenny all over Rome, via the power of the telephone exchange! Just as well mobile phones weren't widely available by this point or Jenny would have been screwed.

She goes to her apartment (which, strangely, is full of pictures of herself), and also meets neighbour Ramon (I think that was his name) who has the hots for her. She's also got another buddy and there's a photographer called Carmen too. God, it's hard enough to sustain a review of this film, which should give you an idea of what it's like to actually watch it.

The haunted phones basically stalk Jenny around the place, killing of her mates (Carmen is stalked by a phone in a rather unscary sequence), and Deodato starts throwing everything he can at the screen, from a would be rapist being torn to shred by flying phone tokens, to Jenny getting all possessed, wearing lingerie and writhing about in a bath filled with what looked like pish, to William Berger turning up for about thirty seconds before his heart explodes out his chest. Berger, as an aside, seems to be the John Carridine of late eighties Italian horror, turning up in Maya and Spider Labyrinth (both of which are better than this film).

Mind you, all credit must be due to actress Charlotte Lewis. Having to looked scared (or turned on by) a telephone is hard work, as is spouting lines like "The telephone is trying to kill me". The film is helped by being set in Rome too, so you'll get to see the Piazza Navona, Castello Sant' Angelo and the Spanish Steps as Jenny goes around being told not to use phones and then using phones. Ruggero's no Bruno Mattei when it comes to directing either, so it's all done rather well…except it's about a haunted phone.

In fact, now that I remember, Ruggero made a film about a haunted washing machine too, so maybe he thought it was a good idea? This one was okay but most of the grade here comes from the high cheese factor.
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