Review of Birdemic: Shock and Terror

Last night, I went to a local movie rental store with my grandparents to rent some movies to watch. We rented two movies. First, we rented Saving Mr. Banks. It's a fantastic movie, I suggest you watch it. Second, we rented this. This was more for my pleasure because I knew neither of them would like it. So, this morning, I sat down and saw it. Oh boy… This movie stars a guy named Rod. He's your average marketer until he meets the girl of his dreams. They go out for a little bit, and then all of a sudden, a huge swarm of birds attacks the city! And that is literally the entire plot. The story is just so random. It's almost like a really crappy sitcom for a while then BIRDS! HOLY CRAP BIRDS! What I love most about the "plot" of this movie is that the first forty minutes or so is completely worthless. This movie is about birds attacking the series, so why is there so much relationship and work drama? Plus, there are scenes that don't make sense. For example, at one point in the movie, a guy goes to the main character's house about making a deal to install a solar panel to the house. What does that have to do with the plot? Absolutely nothing. Nothing new was added to the plot, none of this is ever mentioned again, so… why? What's the point? The cinematography is absolute crap. The camera never steadies and focuses on the right thing. Every shot looks like it belongs in a home movie. There are some shots that feel completely random and just out of place. It just looks awful. The editing is even worse. The scene transitions are beyond choppy with so many, many jump cuts. There are literally four jump cuts in the same exact scene at one point. Plus, this movie has that audio static you get when recording with a low budget camera, only in this movie between every scene the level of static changes. And sometimes it goes away altogether. Hey Nguyen- I don't know if you've ever heard of this before. It's called a boom-mike? It's really neat! It makes all the sound sound much crisper without all that audio static. But I see you wasted your entire 10 dollar budget on CGI, so what's the point of telling you this? Speaking of CGI… ugh… the CGI is poop! It's the kind of bad that you can't describe just because of the sheer amount of awful it withholds. It's just… bad. All the CGI is put into birds, explosions, and blood effects. Do you think you could've tried a little harder? The birds are absolutely ridiculous. Not only are they animated like crap, but they just make no sense. These birds literally dive-bomb towards the city, kamikaze style, and explode on impact. Also, they have no actual entrance or exit in the movie. After forty minutes of the bullcrap that is the story, the birds just appear and start attacking everybody. No explanation why, they just do. And at the end, they just fly away like it's nothing. There's no reason why they should. There's no indication of anything that happens that would drive the birds away. This plot hole makes the movie all the more pointless. Now I have to touch on the acting. The acting rendered me speechless. Wooden does not begin to describe the acting. Everyone seems like they're phoning it in, and even that is being too generous. Everyone does an absolutely awful job. Especially the main character. He brings a whole new level of awful to the table. I've seen better acting from the people that are in the home videos on AFV. And they aren't even acting! I just… I… I can't! I can't do this! Overall, Birdemic Shock and Terror is horrendous. The acting sucks, the CGI sucks, the story (or what little there is, anyway) sucks, there are scenes that make no sense, the cinematography looks like it was done by a toddler, the audio is grating, the characters are annoying, everything just sucks! And do you know what the cherry on top is? THIS MOVIE IS AN ENVIRONMENTAL MESSAGE. I'm serious. The characters in the movie say that "global warming" is the cause of all this. Bullcrap! What a cop-out! In terms of quality, this movie is definitely the worst movie I've ever seen. I still like it better than Battlefield Earth, though. Score: 1.0/10