"Mr Producer, I have an idea for a movie."
"Oh, go on."
"We take the popular movies Jumanji and Final Destination."
"Ooh, yes?"
"Take out all of the bad bits that people didn't like."
"Yes, yes!"
"And combine all of those bad bits into a new movie and stick a God-awful ending on to wrap it together!"
"...what?"
SPOILERS BELOW, ALTHOUGH THE DIRECTOR SPOILED IT BEFORE ME.
Square jawed Captain America and his beach bronzed buddies have just graduated, presumably as rocket scientists or brain surgeons, since they're in their thirties. After some terrible, terrible banter and a brief love triangle that never surfaces again in the whole film, they decide to play a suspicious game that Captain America bought from a suspicious man in a suspicious shop. The games makes little to no sense, but that doesn't stop them ploughing on regardless. Whatever is stated on the cards in the game dictates the way they die. Groan.
A Jose Morinho look-a-like turns up and starts chasing them down as he wants the game. People steadily get knocked off as per the prophecies of the cards, but with none of the imagination of Final Destination. Captain America brokers a deal with some kind of hornet...woman...witch...thing that walks out of the sea, and is allowed to go back in time.
Roll back to the start of the movie to show that he has gone back one week and it's all just going to keep happening in a loop.
It's every bit as poor as my knocked up 'review'. It's not 'so bad it's funny', it's so bad that it's terrible.
"Oh, go on."
"We take the popular movies Jumanji and Final Destination."
"Ooh, yes?"
"Take out all of the bad bits that people didn't like."
"Yes, yes!"
"And combine all of those bad bits into a new movie and stick a God-awful ending on to wrap it together!"
"...what?"
SPOILERS BELOW, ALTHOUGH THE DIRECTOR SPOILED IT BEFORE ME.
Square jawed Captain America and his beach bronzed buddies have just graduated, presumably as rocket scientists or brain surgeons, since they're in their thirties. After some terrible, terrible banter and a brief love triangle that never surfaces again in the whole film, they decide to play a suspicious game that Captain America bought from a suspicious man in a suspicious shop. The games makes little to no sense, but that doesn't stop them ploughing on regardless. Whatever is stated on the cards in the game dictates the way they die. Groan.
A Jose Morinho look-a-like turns up and starts chasing them down as he wants the game. People steadily get knocked off as per the prophecies of the cards, but with none of the imagination of Final Destination. Captain America brokers a deal with some kind of hornet...woman...witch...thing that walks out of the sea, and is allowed to go back in time.
Roll back to the start of the movie to show that he has gone back one week and it's all just going to keep happening in a loop.
It's every bit as poor as my knocked up 'review'. It's not 'so bad it's funny', it's so bad that it's terrible.