Review of Off the Map

Off the Map (2011)
3/10
off the list of shows I consider good.
14 August 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Well. I don't really see how anybody can watch this, consider it 'good', even for dull entertainment only. Without wanting to sound sexist and without being a sexist at all, you can still tell that this has been written by a woman. Entirely.

Moreover, this is the most unnecessarily violent piece of *beep* I have ever seen. I watched the entire first season, because I was curious if it was actually going to surprise me at all or if the plot is as predictable as I thought it would be. And IF I give it a bad review, I want it to be justified.

I think, the shows 'problem' is that it doesn't seem to be intentionally set as a soap, but it turns out to be one. It's cheesy, it's predictable, everybody hooks up and every bad-ass guy in the show is actually a nice guy hiding under a shell of tough dude behavior. Every 14-year-olds dream. But for 14-year-old girls, the show is way too violent and for every mature woman it's way too cheesy and exhausting to watch. But judging by the reviews, it apparently is not. Some grown women are still blinded by this dull type of entertainment.

Every single situation, every conflict, every plot detail is over-complicated. Here goes spoiler #1: One of the main characters wife is in a coma. His daughter died in an accident. And the girl who he is in love with, he kept pushing away in the past, because he's 'not ready', because of his wife of course. And when he finally decides to move on, the plot reveals that she has a heart condition and is probably going to die soon, too. Oh my f. god, I can't do that to him again... wtf?! Who writes that?!

Anyways, moving on.

In the first two episodes, the 'new' characters have problems adjusting to the new environment, because they don't know any Spanish. Stupid to go to 'South America' in the first place (I don't think they ever mentioned where exactly this is supposed to be, I'm guessing for legal reasons :) ), but never mind. Everything is going to be fine, because after the first two episodes, all the natives speak English just fine, all of a sudden.

Well, let's see about some cliff-notes. Is it worth watching for the following reasons?

Educational: not at all. No lessons learned. Role Models: None whatsoever. There's a bitch, a tough guy, a black guy, a Spanish gigolo, the typical nice and educated girl from the city, a man-whore, but (!) all of them turn out to be nice people under their tough shell of course. Realism: Don't bother. Crashing helicopters, crazy currents, anaconda-bites, ... Don't even know where to start.

I'm not getting into that any more, it's just overly complicated for no apparent reason, it's bloody and violent, just to be sensational. That's pretty much it.

I am not giving it one single star, because the actors do a very good job, even considering the script. All of them are very likable and believable. Especially Jonathan Castellanos does an amazing job, even though his English is a little bit too good for a native 'south-american'. Cinematography is also not bad either, even the special effects are well done. It's just that the plot is so incredibly bad that I can't even put it into words.

It's like watching a Katherine Heigl movie, combined with Stephenie Meyers writing skills, just that you find yourself wondering how the hell they good get the actors to ruin their careers with that.

Seriously, I could imagine myself in a lot of guest roles in the most crappy shows and movies, just for the fun of it. But I would pass on playing a dead guy in that show, because I don't think anybody would like to have that show in their resumee anywhere.
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