My 5-year old daughter wanted to go to the drive-in. To my horror, this Kevin James movie was playing. I asked if she'd rather cover daddy with honey and unleash a few thousand fire ants on me. No deal. Had I had any idea how absolutely awful this movie was, I would have kept negotiating.
Right from the get-go, the story is so unengaging that a blank screen would have been preferable to the inanity that was displayed on it. My daughter tuned out after about 10 minutes and found the complimentary refrigerator magnet provided by the theatre more interesting. Nevertheless, we were all captive at this point and rather than stare at the speedometer for an hour I decided to stare at the colorful moving pictures in front of me.
Bad choice. There was not a single scene that evoked any sort of emotion. If there was an attempt at humor I missed it. The only thing that could be construed as remotely humorous was the fact that the writers (again) thought that this fat blob of idiocy (Kevin James) would have not one, but multiple beautiful women compete for him. I used the time to imagine the demographic to which this movie would appeal. Anyone with a frontal lobe or more than two functional senses would immediately be excluded. During one particular scene where something funny was supposed to have happened, I think I heard an orangutan a few cars away from us let out a guffaw, no doubt drooling some of his chaw onto his beer-belly stretched, bacon-stained, Dale Earnhardt t-shirt. I drew a mental image of the guy in my head and chuckled to myself, so I guess I can't say the movie was entirely humorless.
In summary, I can't believe anyone had so little pride in themselves as to allow their name to be listed in the credits. Had I taken part and someone said to me "Didn't I see your name listed in the credits for "Zookeeper?" I'd say "Uh, no, but I was listed as a sexual predator on a neighborhood watchlist - that's what you're likely thinking of."
Right from the get-go, the story is so unengaging that a blank screen would have been preferable to the inanity that was displayed on it. My daughter tuned out after about 10 minutes and found the complimentary refrigerator magnet provided by the theatre more interesting. Nevertheless, we were all captive at this point and rather than stare at the speedometer for an hour I decided to stare at the colorful moving pictures in front of me.
Bad choice. There was not a single scene that evoked any sort of emotion. If there was an attempt at humor I missed it. The only thing that could be construed as remotely humorous was the fact that the writers (again) thought that this fat blob of idiocy (Kevin James) would have not one, but multiple beautiful women compete for him. I used the time to imagine the demographic to which this movie would appeal. Anyone with a frontal lobe or more than two functional senses would immediately be excluded. During one particular scene where something funny was supposed to have happened, I think I heard an orangutan a few cars away from us let out a guffaw, no doubt drooling some of his chaw onto his beer-belly stretched, bacon-stained, Dale Earnhardt t-shirt. I drew a mental image of the guy in my head and chuckled to myself, so I guess I can't say the movie was entirely humorless.
In summary, I can't believe anyone had so little pride in themselves as to allow their name to be listed in the credits. Had I taken part and someone said to me "Didn't I see your name listed in the credits for "Zookeeper?" I'd say "Uh, no, but I was listed as a sexual predator on a neighborhood watchlist - that's what you're likely thinking of."