Review of Stranded

Stranded (2001)
2/10
Solid Concept for a mov...wait, is that Freakin' Johnny Ramone?!?!?
7 January 2011
Warning: Spoilers
**Spoilers**

Well, not really. I mean the name of the movie is Stranded, right?

The basic concept of the movie is solid. It is like Apollo 13 or Morooned before that but now we are on Mars. The fish out of water drama. The shipwreck in space and all that.

The opening bit with the news cast is a warning to the viewer. The pacing of this movie is gonna be outlandishly slow, weird and emotionless. And those credits?? Man, anyone remember the opening wooshing credits of Superman - I mean, on and on and on. Some graphic designer just got a new Mac or something and just wanted to keep going and going and going. Enough.

All and all, very student film like thus far, but lets get into the story already.

As has been noted, the overdub was a train wreck and very distracting. Money issue I suppose. On set dialog must have either not happened or not been of any quality to be able to use, so lets dub the whole thing. OK, but when you are watching a dubbed movie that makes you think Godzilla the whole time you might want to work on matching up the mouth movements with the recorded dialog.Just a suggestion.

The blonde character Susana was the terrible. If I understand correctly she is the "Luna" that directed the movie as well (although she uses her real name for the acting credit). Luna, like Cher, Madonna or Prince...I guess. Maybe she is a good singer. Perhaps she needed to "hire" herself at the last minute or something or it was a money saving thing. This is LOW budget after all, so I'll give her the benefit of doubt on that move but lets not put ourselves in an acting role again, 'k.

Vincent Gallo just isn't my cup of tea. Can't, won't, not even a little bit...whatever. But OK, I understand...because he is Mr. Independent film hero to many so I guess Luna is included on that list. Her homage to the independent film spirit or she digs creepy grease balls, not sure which. I live with her choice. Namaste Luna.

Joaquim de Almeida is a real actor. Sir, what are you doing here? Does not compute...error, error....

"Just a moment...just a moment...I've just picked up a fault in the AE-35 unit. It's going to go a hundred percent failure within 72 hours."

Sorry, wrong movie.

But seriously, just a moment....

Is the guy up in orbit that they are talking to...is that freaking Johnny Ramone as in The Ramones??? Love the Ramones and still... OK, I'm officially confused now. It isn't nice to talk about the departed, but that had to be the most bizarre bit of casting I have seen for some time. I mean, Johnny Ramone is in orbit around Mars and you're wondering why the shuttle crashed? Not that I am blaming, but still. That was some belly laughs I had when I'm listening to that Queens accent talking to those other astronuts on the Martian surface. What is his line? "Look, I gotta get going. It's a long way back home." Um, OK...could you hang out for a few minutes and see if there is something you could do since we are all go die 'n some junk???

I can't talk about the other actors in this movie. They just were not very good and I don't understand the hows or whys of them showing up in this.

Emotions.

People have them. The characters in this movie don't. Look, most likely you are all gonna die so some sign of this fact might be in order. The dialog is all very Dunder Mifflin. Speaking of which, I have had more animated and emotion filled conversations with people about adding paper to the copier, so I can't really relate all that well with these people. I don't get it.

Considering everything, the movie looks pretty good by which I mean the effects are fine. They aren't really important though as this is a human drama kinda thing but at least they don't distract. Pretty good considering this movie is almost a decade old and this is a no budget film. The directing, staging and pace of the film are criminal.

See Sam Rockwell in Duncan Jones' Moon (2009) for a good example of the way a no budget human drama oriented science fiction movie should been done. Stranded is a curiosity piece that most people won't be able to sit through.
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