Onionhead (1958)
1/10
No real drama, almost no humor
1 October 2010
Warning: Spoilers
I just watched the TCM showing tonight. Technically, I skipped out before it ended. Billed as a comedy, this film has fewer laughs than almost any episode of Columbo or even Law & Order, which were certainly more drama than comedy.

But as a drama, there is none, or almost none. Andy's character didn't like his girlfriend sitting with a guy at a party where he was a waiter, so he rudely goes over and throws a drink on him. Then he is demanding of the girl, so she tells him to take a hike.

He decides instantly to quit school and join the Coast Guard. After one unfunny training scene, he picks a fight with the non-com trying to wake him up. That gets him assigned as a cook on a ship, without any training.

The head cook, Walter Matthau, is surly and wants nothing to do with him, and doesn't care that he hasn't been trained at all. Meanwhile, Andy sees a girl in a bar.

He goes after her in a most disturbing way. Right after meeting her, he is so grabby, huggy that he is totally unlikeable. The second time he sees her--no real date, no getting to know her, he just can't keep his mitts off her. He talks about taking her to a hotel.

This is supposed to be 1941. He knows almost nothing about her, but wants a hotel. When she resists, he is indignant and thus spoils that relationship. Then we learn that although she told him she isn't seeing anyone special, that she is engaged to the head cook. So we see that she is totally unfaithful to her fiancé.

This is about where I checked out. Nobody in this film is likable. There is no intense, or even interesting drama. Our "hero" is totally self-absorbed and seems to have no real "mission", no great task to accomplish at work and no desire for a real relationship with a woman, just quick sex.

I'm just glad this miserable film didn't ruin Andy's career, because his great roles as Andy Taylor and Ben Matlock, plus some other films make him one of my all-time favorite actors. I cannot imagine he ever worked in a film or show that was worse than this.
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