Review of The Raven

The Raven (2006 Video)
1/10
Nevermore! Nevermore! …NE-VER-MORE!!!!
12 September 2007
I realize he's dead since quite some time now, but I sincerely hope that the spirit of Edgar Allen Poe still has enough strength and energy left to rise from the depths of eternal darkness and HAUNT Ulli Lommel (as well as everyone else involved in this blasphemous turkey) until he opts for premature burial. Yes, I do realize that sounds cruel, but … have you seen this movie?!? "The Raven" is the type of film of which you initially think: "Hey, how bad can it possibly be?" The film is inspired by the writings of the legendary Edgar Allen Poe, so as long as the script remains faithful to its source, very few things can go wrong. Clearly a lot of things can go wrong when Ulli Lommel is in charge! The plot is a seemingly endless bunch of retarded nonsense that has NOTHING to do with the original poem, the cast members are a gathering of insufferable losers that don't even deserve to star in an amateurish YouTube video, the digital camera-work and editing appear to be the work of toddlers and the arrogant wannabe-artistic atmosphere nearly causes you to vomit. Lenore is a twenty-something untalented singer whose mind is inexplicably linked to Poe's and he even appears to her in nightmares. There's a killer (the penis-munching freak from "Cannibal") on the loose and Edgar commands her to go after him. Or something like that, whatever, nobody cares anyway, because it's all pure rubbish. Lommel himself makes a brief appearance as the girl's grandfather when she's five. He wears a ridiculous eye-patch and a sea captain's hat, which pretty much states that he hasn't got the slightest bit of self-dignity left. Once upon a time the promising director of the video-nasty classic "The Bogey Man", Ulli Lommel now just appears to be on a mission to become the world's record holder of repugnant films linked to his name. The amount of crap this guy unleashed upon the world is literally incredible. "B.T.K Killer", "Zombie Nation", "Green River Killer" … You better just avoid everything he did.

Enough about this piece of junk! Back in the 1960's, director/producer Roger Corman made a cycle of films based on the writings of Edgar Allen Poe; all starring the magnificent Vincent Price and all close to brilliant. Corman's reputation is questionable and his nickname is "King of the B's", but he surely had (and probably still has) more sense of class and finesse in his smallest toe than Ulli Lommel in his entire body.
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