'Hello Steve, it's Larry.' 'Larry who?' 'Larry. Your agent!' 'Oh, sorry. Hadn't heard from you in a while.' 'Well, have you thought about the two offers I mentioned?' 'Uhhhh. Would you refresh my memory.?' 'Well, there's the Troma version of 9-11, 'Alladin and the Forty Mullahs'. You'd play.......' 'Forget it Larry. What was the other one again?' 'Its working title is 'Serbian Avenger' and you play the lead. A kind of super 007 but it has contemporary political significance. I know how important that is to you. It's a Corman-Woods-Slavicfilms production so it'll be shot in Bosnia.' 'Oh yeah, I remember now. I asked you to get me more money. Were you able to?' 'Yes. I've got you up to $500 a week. No medical coverage but there'll be a retired Bosnian War medic on the set except on Sunday.' 'Sunday! We're going to shoot on Sundays?' 'Well, to get you $500 I had to make a few concessions.' 'Yeah, like what else?' 'Uhhh, it's a seven day shooting schedule. But the picture is only a ten day shoot. A 16-hour flat. (Pause) You'll no longer have your own tent. Will have to share it with the sound mixer and his boom man. But I made the line producer swear that the guys will not be eating garlic' 'I guess I can live with that.' 'And you'll have to take a freighter from New York to Dubrovnik. But they'll send a taxi to pick you up there.' (Silence on the phone.) 'Look. It's going to be a first class production. The director got a Goovna Award last year for 'Kielbasy, Me and Dravnik' from the jury at the Second Annual Grzonik Film Festival'. 'Who else is in it. Is there a broad?' 'Best news for last! It's Athena Massey!' 'Athena Who?' 'Athena Massey! Athena continues to show her range and versatility as an actress with her two most recent films, 'Groin's Portal' and 'The Labial Monologue.' You'll love working with her. And they already told me they've reserved a fog machine for the tasteful and romantic dusk lovemaking scene they've planned along the beautiful Slobodan Creek .' 'Larry, does she, uhh, is she.....' "Steve, I knew you'd ask that. I made some inquiries and I've got it on good authority that she's got a set of tits on her that won't stop!' 'Well, o.k. I'll do it then.' 'Great. I'll get them to prepare a deal memo as soon as I get off the phone.' ' Great, see you soon.' 'See you.'
Review of Termination Man
