Review of W.B., Blue and the Bean

OK,first up,you have to overlook the immediately noticeable poor video quality once you've placed this cinematic masterpiece into your DVD player(or downloaded it,but lets face it, its 99p in most stores,the cover artwork is worth it alone!).If you can get past this first hurdle, you then have to face an opening soundtrack that can only be what some studio had left once Debbie had done Dallas,and Emanuelle had gone into space.....bring on the Porno-Funk!!!But believe me once you pass this you are going to witness what must be the the most ridiculous movie committed to celluloid ever...but it so unashamedly knows it,and for that it is brilliant.The Hoff swaggers his way through tennis practice,hot showers,product advertisement(i wasn't aware tennis and sportswear manufacturer Head made car interiors,but some lingering shots in this film make sure I,and anyone else who has watched this,now do!),oh yeah and gunfights with stereotyped Columbian gangsters(who seem like they were also left overs from the same studios as the soundtrack).The plot is like a stretched out episode of Baywatch,minus the beach and the women,with badly shot stunts,car chases,(oh yeah,check the overdubbing on the Hoffs car to give it a bigger roar,it revs when he is parking!!)and random filler scenes...the supporting cast,including a much more scary than in the Exorcist Linda Blair,are OK enough,but lets face it,as with all his projects,The Hoff and his immaculately placed hair are the stars of the show,resulting in cheesy lines,cheesy grins and cheesy slow mo''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSS'' before a dive to shoot down the badguys helicopter.With a flare gun.Classic!Also notice the long pause between said slo mo and actual firing of missile.On a rope.(you'll see what i mean.)Basically Hoff is one of a trio of bounty hunters,Linda Blair the rich heiress caught with a drugs baron,then kidnapped,Hoff and pals try and rescue her,including heading to Mexico,all for a lousy five grand paycheck(plus the endorsement money from Head!)Now it might sound like i hated it,but all the badly made elements fall together nicely to form a so-bad-its bad-its good masterpiece,like a season of Baywatch squeezed into 90 minutes,tacky,cheap but goddamn irresistible!