The Raven,
By Edgar Allan Poe, by way of Ulli Lommel
---------------------------------------
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
I, not thinking, brought back The Raven from the movie store.
While I watched, I wished for napping, to save me from this horrid crapping,
As Ulli Lommel's vicious trapping made me feel like his dirty whore.
'Tis god awful,' I muttered, 'this movie I abhor-
I wish I had rented something more.'
-----
Ah, distinctly I remember, this would have offended famous Edgar,
As he clawed the lid of his coffin, deep below the graveyard floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - nothing's brought me greater sorrow,
Had I just been somewhat stronger, I'd've thrown this out the door,
Perhaps shook it off and ascended to the store,
But I stayed for Ulli's hellish tour.
-----
What this movie was about, I can't be certain,
It filled me with boredom - a boredom I'd never felt before.
An hour's time, the cast sat eating--and only talking, ain't that cheating?
With nary a reference to Mr. Poe, what was this movie made for?
If not to honor a genius, why suffer through this chore?
That it is, and nothing more.
-----
'Damn this movie's scent of farting! Damn it all!' I shrieked upstarting-
'This movie doth much offend me, I wish to hear me snore!
Does Ulli think my brain is broken, perhaps a boob who is soft-spoken,
As to not see in this 1800's sequence a very modern bedroom door?'
I pressed fast forward; the movie soared, thought of watching; held it more.
Qouth the Raven 'I'm a bore.'
-----
And The Raven, so unfitting, please leave sitting, PLEASE leave sitting,
It can't bore you if it stays unseen, sitting in the movie store.
Late at night, it haunts my dreaming, I even sometimes wake up screaming,
And shake away haunts of Ulli's movie, filled with nothing but corny gore.
Nightly I pray o'er us all, my knees tucked 'neath me on the floor,
I pray to God that no luckless soul ever lift The Raven from the movie store.
Quoth the Raven 'I'm a stain and nothing more.'
By Edgar Allan Poe, by way of Ulli Lommel
---------------------------------------
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
I, not thinking, brought back The Raven from the movie store.
While I watched, I wished for napping, to save me from this horrid crapping,
As Ulli Lommel's vicious trapping made me feel like his dirty whore.
'Tis god awful,' I muttered, 'this movie I abhor-
I wish I had rented something more.'
-----
Ah, distinctly I remember, this would have offended famous Edgar,
As he clawed the lid of his coffin, deep below the graveyard floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - nothing's brought me greater sorrow,
Had I just been somewhat stronger, I'd've thrown this out the door,
Perhaps shook it off and ascended to the store,
But I stayed for Ulli's hellish tour.
-----
What this movie was about, I can't be certain,
It filled me with boredom - a boredom I'd never felt before.
An hour's time, the cast sat eating--and only talking, ain't that cheating?
With nary a reference to Mr. Poe, what was this movie made for?
If not to honor a genius, why suffer through this chore?
That it is, and nothing more.
-----
'Damn this movie's scent of farting! Damn it all!' I shrieked upstarting-
'This movie doth much offend me, I wish to hear me snore!
Does Ulli think my brain is broken, perhaps a boob who is soft-spoken,
As to not see in this 1800's sequence a very modern bedroom door?'
I pressed fast forward; the movie soared, thought of watching; held it more.
Qouth the Raven 'I'm a bore.'
-----
And The Raven, so unfitting, please leave sitting, PLEASE leave sitting,
It can't bore you if it stays unseen, sitting in the movie store.
Late at night, it haunts my dreaming, I even sometimes wake up screaming,
And shake away haunts of Ulli's movie, filled with nothing but corny gore.
Nightly I pray o'er us all, my knees tucked 'neath me on the floor,
I pray to God that no luckless soul ever lift The Raven from the movie store.
Quoth the Raven 'I'm a stain and nothing more.'