Earthquake (1974)
1/10
"Mirthquake"
16 January 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Ah yes, watching this movie is a real nostalgic trip back to the mid-Seventies...when disaster movies were all the rage (making money no matter how badly slopped-together the result); "spot-the-star" epics answered questions of whatever happened to old actors ("Did you see Gloria Swanson in Airport 1975? Why, I thought she'd been dead for YEARS!"); Sensurround was new and fun (except if you happened to own the business right next to the neighborhood theater); loud plaid slacks and sport coats were fashionable (so were neckties 2 feet wide); and Shirley Temple mop-tops were "in" (even for guys).

Seems to me Earthquake garnered quite a few Oscars in it's day, as well. Let's see, there was "Most Ludicrous Casting in Movie History" (an old, haggard Ava Gardener playing Lorne Greene's DAUGHTER...guess he fathered her while still in diapers); "Most Painful Performance by a Major Star in a Cameo Role" (Walter Matthau's "hilarious" turn as a dancing wino who entertains the poor survivors in a parking garage); "Most Excruciating Rescue Scene" (getting a hundred people down a broken stairwell, ONE AT A TIME, using an office chair and a fire hose); and "Most Boring Screen Couple of All-Time" (the newlyweds on the incoming jumbo jet)....oh, wait, that last one was an Emmy-winner, since it was not included in the original theatrical release, but tacked on for the network premier. Gee but AM I GLAD somebody thought of including 45 minutes on this subplot -- the movie might have actually been boring without the inclusion of these fascinating rejects from a deodorant commercial.

Let's see what else Earthquake has to offer. Oh, yes there's small-time operator Richard Roundtree's "thrilling" death ride on a motorcycle (He jumps thru a ring of fire. WHOA! Move over, Evel Knievel). And Marjoe Gortner's wide-eyed lunatic Guardsman with the hots for afro-wearing Victoria Principal (upholding his honor by shooting two dudes who insinuated he was gay). Then there's some riveting scenes between bored-looking Charlton Heston and drunkard wife Ava Gardner (I recall the biggest laughs in the theater occurring when he forsakes cute Genevieve Bujold for shrewish Ava, heroically plunging down a raging storm drain to his death in a vain attempt to save her). George Kennedy virtually reprising his character from TV's "The Blue Knight" (wait a minute, wasn't he supposed to appear as Joe Petroni in the jumbo jet subplot? Somebody goofed). Oh yes, the gripping rescue of Genevieve's kid in an open storm drain from (gasp!) a power line AND onrushing water! (The brat is unconscious thru this whole ordeal, mercifully for him and the audience). Folks, it just doesn't get any better than this. Earthquake definitely constitutes "must see" TV!
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