The Phantom (1996)
4/10
Sleepy Little Film With Moments of Innocent Charm
13 October 2006
Not as awful as some people think, this harmless INDIANA JONES imitation gets by on the occasional laugh and some elegantly flattering shots of two very beautiful ladies in the cast.

Billy Zane's lifeless performance as the Phantom is clearly what sank this film at the box office. Zane can be darkly sexy in thrillers like DEAD CALM, or villainously sexy in TITANIC, but as a good guy with super powers he is very bad. He seems to lack all sexual energy, all humor, and all sense of fun. He sucks the air out of every scene. He really puts the "coma" in "comatose!" The visual images are all wrong -- a masked super hero riding a horse, fighting with pistols, just looks like a chump. And his goofy grin just looks -- well, goofy.

On the other hand, Kristy Swanson as Diana Palmer turns in a sweet, wholesome performance, very appealing personally and quite lovely to look at. You can really see how well she looks in period clothing, even though the script doesn't give her nearly enough to do. It's part of the recurring bad luck in this stunning and talented performer's career that she's forever being upstaged by more exciting personalities. (BUFFY, anyone?) In this case the culprit is Catherine Zeta Jones, an unknown at the time who has a relatively small role as a bad girl. Again and again, the dark bad girl puts her spell on the helpless blonde, both outsmarting her and outfighting her. Poor Kristy is pretty and sweet, but she looks like mush in comparison to the slinky Catherine. It's so bittersweet the way Zeta-Jones walks off with scene after scene while sweet, unassuming Kristy Swanson just looks blank. You have to wonder how the poor girl felt! Beauty is beauty, but charisma is something extra -- a star power that goes beyond looks. Catherine has it, and Kristy doesn't. Was she crying in her dressing room between takes?

That brings up another ironic triumph. Treat Williams was touted for years as the next big thing, and never made it. Yet here, in this forgotten, low rent bomb, he pulls off his most engaging, natural, and entertaining performance -- as the deliciously corny villain, Xander Drax. After years of broken promises and missed opportunities, Treat seems to relish every minute of attention, and you have to admire him for scoring a moral victory, even if no one is watching. It's like a Kevin Costner baseball movie, where the aging has-been reaching down deep inside to win the only victory that counts. The one where he gives his all, and proves something, not to the fans, but to his colleagues and himself. Did the crew applaud when he left the stage?

One final note -- three cheers for James Remar, twenty five years since THE WARRIORS and still going strong. You can believe it, War Chief.

Ajax Lives!!!
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